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The hardest part of writing is writing.

You have to write the thing. You have to sit down at our computer and type your fingers along each key forming words into sentences. It sounds easy but it’s hard if you ‘ve been thinking about it for a while and you know you can do it, but time is running out. You’re already a day late and you don’t want to hand it in at the end of the day tomorrow. All you need to do it sit down and not get distracted. Drink some water. Sit up straight. Open a window. Check the fridge. Sit back down. Your anxiety grows to form a mountain range that now you have to climb over before you reach the spot where you can just sit down, and write the thing. Sit down, start writing.

Sometimes just writing about writing helps the worlds start flowing.

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Ok, Tuesday.

Casie Stewart is a Toronto based writer, director, and content creator.

The sun was setting and I thought wow you should really go out for a walk. I looked out the window and since we moved the couch it’s easier to see out. Neighbourhood watch. I decided against the walk and wondered why am I so tired? I started going through the things I did today and realized, whoa, no wonder. I feel like I should keep going but I had a video shoot, pulled an event outfit, signed a contract, made burritos, and we switched our internet plan today. Add in a bunch of emails and remembering a script. I need to charge my batteries. I don’t know if Daylight Saving has anything to do with it but I’m definitely tired. Couch time.

I grabbed my iPad, put on the show, and made some food. Caprese salad, banana on toast, simple, delicious. This weekend I finally set up another pair of Phillips Hue lights so we can dim the front door and entryway lights. I tackled the mess that was the entryway over the weekend and it feels nice now. The living room is tidy and filled with coloured balloons from the shoot. It’s still light out at 7:30pm.

I can’t wait for spring.

Casie Stewart is a Toronto based writer, director, and content creator.
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I’m Internet, but I’m Human Too

I’m Internet, but I’m Human Too


Do you ever just feel like you need a break? To run away. Get on a plane. Be alone. Put away your phone. Take flight and be free. I don’t know exactly why but today I feel frustrated.

casie stewart, iphonex, telus, sunshine

There are lots of things to feel great about but with a few roadblocks, no amount of meditation, water or walking is going to save me right now. I want to curl up with my computer on a patio of a villa somewhere far away, alone. I’ve got things I want to write and I feel like I need a secluded place away from everyone and everything. Life is full of distractions and no matter where I go, they’re all around. Maybe I should turn off wifi.

I’m doing a wellness retreat this afternoon and in the middle of planning a trip with Aeroplan. Maybe I have travel jitters and I just want to leave now?

Please remember that no matter how many smiling selfies, cute couple photos, designer dresses, great skin, and clean houses, nothing is that perfect in real life. We all have our struggles, battles, and have no idea what we are doing. But we’re doing it. I had no idea what I was doing when I started my blog and stuck at it. I was addicted to documenting, I love writing, smiling photos. Most of my blog posts aren’t even about anything other than how I’m feeling or where I’m going, but we all feel things and go places. Writing it down helps me deal with everything, it’s great therapy.

I’m gonna go for that walk now. I think it might actually help. 

casie stewart, toronto, blogger, speaker, influencer, "this is my life"

P.S. When I opened up Twitter before leaving my computer for the aforementioned walk, this Tweet was waiting for me. Good read. I relate to this ‘smiling depression’ quite a bit.

 

My dad had depression when I was growing up. My bf says sometimes I share all my sunshine with the world and have nothing left when I come home.

Last year I made it a priority to give more time to myself, to keep my energy vessel full as much as I can instead of emptying it to the world. I work at it every damn day. I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs over the last 10+ years of having this blog, I’ve shared a lot of them. Trust me that there are a lot more behind the scenes I don’t share. I’m Internet, but I’m human too.


Hang in there my friends!
We need each other and we can do this. I am here for you.
Wow this PS is almost longer than the blog post. 

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Let’s Talk

Let’s Talk


Three events today. Ignore…. 33 Facebook notifications. Too many unread emails. Twitter notifications. Instagram notifications. Unread messages. It’s overwhelming. Then add on [that you’ve been keeping a public diary about your life for a decade and] all kinds of people who don’t really know you who think they ‘like totally’ know you because they’ve known you for 5+ years.

They know about the cottage and people, places, things, thoughts. Boyfriends, birthdays, best friends. They’ve had babies and you’d recognize their kids now, but you don’t really know them.

They know you, part of you, the sunshiney part where you’re always smiling and wearing bright colours, or going somewhere great looking good.

They don’t see behind the screen, in the pile of clothes or messy closet. The days when you just can’t even, when you think about leaving the house. Or going to that event. When all you want to really do is stay home and cook in your kitchen or go to yoga because it makes you feel better.


I feel like I need a break and maybe it’s the winter blues talking post vacation SAD*.  Maybe it’s because I’m on the waitlist for yoga at noon. Maybe it’s Time’s Up or Me Too. I don’t know. It’s freezing outside and blowing snow gives limited visibility. It’s also Bell Let’s Talk and Spring is just a few weeks away.

It’s ok not to be ok. I’m not always ok. The last few weeks have been really hard. The trip to New Zealand was super fucking hard. My nana died and one of my uncles was being super controlling from the day I arrived to the point where I blocked him on Facebook. Travelling with your mum is not easy. I cried a lot for the first week of the trip. I cried while driving with my mum in the car yelling at each other. I pulled over to cry while mum walked off. I fucked up the car by putting diesel in the gas tank after having a big cry with my BF. I fucked up a tire by driving over a storm grate to take a picture of a sign that said ‘Beaconsfield’ like the old Queen West Bar. I drove alone on really insane roads where death was less than a metre away. But I did it. I did it all and I made it home safe. I was worried at times I wouldn’t make it and other times I wanted to drive mum and I off the damn ledge because I was so annoyed. But I didn’t do that either.

Over the course of the NZ trip, I learned a lot about myself and had a lot of time to think about what I want to do with my life. What’s next? I kept a diary of the trip with mum. I haven’t posted as much for the last 2 weeks since I’ve been back but I’ve still been writing. I’ve been working on more projects w/ 1188 and Occupied VR. I’ve been eating well, going to the gym, and doing yoga. Today I baked a lasagna from scratch.

I’m continuing my 2017 mantra of doing what makes me happy and making my time a priority. I guess you could say I’m reclaiming my time.  Last year after my LA trip, I shifted the way I think about things and it has made all the difference. I am more considerate and calm, and I try to listen more and talk less.

Being a positive person is something you have to want to do and decision I try to make every day. Post NZ I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I want to do next and I feel like the winter is a perfect time to hibernate and do just that. I always feel better when I write it down. Having a diary really helps me through those days when I don’t want to get out of bed.

If you’re having a hard day, hang in there. You are the director of your movie and you decide how the story goes and who plays a starring role.

You can also reach out to me anytime, I think you probably know me better than I realize. I’m always here. 

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FYI in case you aren't from Canada and don't have the long cold winter!
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that's related to changes in seasons —SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year. If you're like most people with SAD, your symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody.

Thanks Converse.ca 😎✌🏼 New Shoes for Me! New Shoes for You!

Thanks Converse.ca 😎✌🏼 New Shoes for Me! New Shoes for You!


In celebration of converse.ca (Welcome to 🇨🇦 !) they sent an awesome package. The box is an old computer with a lenticular screen, and it’s full of disks. A couple disks have codes for FREE SHOES and I’m sharing then w you. YAY! I gave a pair to Matt @ 1188 to test shipping. Ordered Friday shipped Monday, on his feet Tuesday in TO from Montreal.


Every summer I get a new pair of white Converse because after wearing them all summer with no socks, trust me, they’re worn out done.  I’d like a pair of white leather hightops but I also love the little white Dainty. Really feeling the Nike X Flyknit but they only come in mens sizes and my feet are too small. 😩

The new Converse II  soles are more comfortable. They’re a great summer staple, love them with dresses or jeans, shorts, and rompers. They’re my fav. I have a framed photo of my Andy Warhol converse in my room and another couple pairs tucked away in under bed storage for safe keeping; an Andy Warhol pair and classic Chuck Taylor high tops with my signature on the tongue. 


HOW TO WIN? LEAVE A COMMENT! 👇🏽

Scroll over to converse.ca, find your fav shoes, and say hi in the comments w/ a link to your fav pair.
I’ll pick two people and shoes will be delivered to you anywhere in Canada.
Extra points for good manners, jokes, or kind words. GOOD LUCK! 😊

 

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💡It's kind of fun writing little disclaimers at the bottom of posts. Have you noticed? As I said, Converse sent me a cool present and I decided to share with you on my blog like I have done since 2009. This is what I love about blogging telling a story about something I love and my little ol' life and sharing with you. Thank you Micki and Converse team, also again this package is awesome.  
  • oh ya FYI, sorry USA Canada only! 

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USB Leather Tassel
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Bowler Hat
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Keurig Mini
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The Best Travel Pillow Ever
The Best Travel Pillow Ever
Everlane Cashmere T-shirt
Everlane Cashmere T-shirt
Alexa?
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Platform Converse
Platform Converse
Barette Set
Barette Set
Face Rolluer & Gua sha
Face Rolluer & Gua sha
PHILIPS Led Hue GO
PHILIPS Led Hue GO
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