Day 183: You Don’t have to Monetize Every Hobby

I’ve loved sewing my whole life. I also have a new sewing machine that I’ve hardly used for about 8 years. I want to sew, but never had the time or made the time to do it. As a kid, I spent heaps of time sewing with mum. I even started my first business in grade 3 sewing gym bags for classmates.

Early into quarantine, I took the time to make things for the pure enjoyment of making them. I did heaps of tie-dye, turmeric dye, made friendship bracelets, and practised line drawing on iPad. The art of creating gives me so much joy. It inspires creativity in other areas of my life. I loved sharing the things I made on social media and mailing some to friends. I was reminded you don’t have to monetize every hobby, it’s incredibly freeing to create for the sake of creating.

This weekend, I started sewing again. I took a few items of clothing that were ripped or on their way to donations and made a few scrunchies. The big pink ones are a soft rayon fabric and flop when you doa top know. they used to be part of Joe Fresh shirt from years ago that had a mark on it. It was so fun to make them and patch together my old clothes to make new patterns. I spent most the day sewing, listening to music, watching Netflix, and letting my creative juices flow.

Cut up scraps that will become cute mis-matched scrunchies!

After posting my creations, I had a few people saying they want to buy or ask where to order. I’m not there yet, I might never be! For now, the Quarantine 2.0 version of me is Casie Sew-Art.

I’m back at my machine baby, who knows what I’ll create next!

Day 106: The Hummingbird Bar

What a difference a day makes. 

Your heart breaks, your body aches, you need rest. 

It’s a test, a level you have to pass. 

The feelings you’re having won’t last. 

Get some sun, read a book.

Find a mirror, take a look. 

Like hummingbirds at the feeder, 

Tomorrow’s sugar will be sweeter. 


We have hummingbirds and they drink the sugar water, they’re realllly into it. Making a mess, drinking, coming back. Closest to a bar I’ve been, cutest birds I’ve ever seen. Hard to get a good photo of one, they move so fast! ??


Been writing a lot more lately, little verses here and there. I love to write, to rhyme, to take inspiration from things I see and hear. I made this video last week and wasn’t sure it turned out so I chopped it up and gave it an edit,. took a page from my own talk to ‘use what you got‘, I think it turned out pretty good!

The hardest part of writing is writing.

You have to write the thing. You have to sit down at our computer and type your fingers along each key forming words into sentences. It sounds easy but it’s hard if you ‘ve been thinking about it for a while and you know you can do it, but time is running out. You’re already a day late and you don’t want to hand it in at the end of the day tomorrow. All you need to do it sit down and not get distracted. Drink some water. Sit up straight. Open a window. Check the fridge. Sit back down. Your anxiety grows to form a mountain range that now you have to climb over before you reach the spot where you can just sit down, and write the thing. Sit down, start writing.

Sometimes just writing about writing helps the worlds start flowing.



Ok, Tuesday.

Casie Stewart is a Toronto based writer, director, and content creator.

The sun was setting and I thought wow you should really go out for a walk. I looked out the window and since we moved the couch it’s easier to see out. Neighbourhood watch. I decided against the walk and wondered why am I so tired? I started going through the things I did today and realized, whoa, no wonder. I feel like I should keep going but I had a video shoot, pulled an event outfit, signed a contract, made burritos, and we switched our internet plan today. Add in a bunch of emails and remembering a script. I need to charge my batteries. I don’t know if Daylight Saving has anything to do with it but I’m definitely tired. Couch time.

I grabbed my iPad, put on the show, and made some food. Caprese salad, banana on toast, simple, delicious. This weekend I finally set up another pair of Phillips Hue lights so we can dim the front door and entryway lights. I tackled the mess that was the entryway over the weekend and it feels nice now. The living room is tidy and filled with coloured balloons from the shoot. It’s still light out at 7:30pm.

I can’t wait for spring.

Casie Stewart is a Toronto based writer, director, and content creator.

I’m Internet, but I’m Human Too

I’m Internet, but I’m Human Too

Do you ever just feel like you need a break? To run away. Get on a plane. Be alone. Put away your phone. Take flight and be free. I don’t know exactly why but today I feel frustrated.

casie stewart, iphonex, telus, sunshine

There are lots of things to feel great about but with a few roadblocks, no amount of meditation, water or walking is going to save me right now. I want to curl up with my computer on a patio of a villa somewhere far away, alone. I’ve got things I want to write and I feel like I need a secluded place away from everyone and everything. Life is full of distractions and no matter where I go, they’re all around. Maybe I should turn off wifi.

I’m doing a wellness retreat this afternoon and in the middle of planning a trip with Aeroplan. Maybe I have travel jitters and I just want to leave now?

Please remember that no matter how many smiling selfies, cute couple photos, designer dresses, great skin, and clean houses, nothing is that perfect in real life. We all have our struggles, battles, and have no idea what we are doing. But we’re doing it. I had no idea what I was doing when I started my blog and stuck at it. I was addicted to documenting, I love writing, smiling photos. Most of my blog posts aren’t even about anything other than how I’m feeling or where I’m going, but we all feel things and go places. Writing it down helps me deal with everything, it’s great therapy.

I’m gonna go for that walk now. I think it might actually help. 

casie stewart, toronto, blogger, speaker, influencer, "this is my life"

P.S. When I opened up Twitter before leaving my computer for the aforementioned walk, this Tweet was waiting for me. Good read. I relate to this ‘smiling depression’ quite a bit.

 

My dad had depression when I was growing up. My bf says sometimes I share all my sunshine with the world and have nothing left when I come home.

Last year I made it a priority to give more time to myself, to keep my energy vessel full as much as I can instead of emptying it to the world. I work at it every damn day. I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs over the last 10+ years of having this blog, I’ve shared a lot of them. Trust me that there are a lot more behind the scenes I don’t share. I’m Internet, but I’m human too.


Hang in there my friends!
We need each other and we can do this. I am here for you.
Wow this PS is almost longer than the blog post. 

Let’s Talk

Let’s Talk

Three events today. Ignore…. 33 Facebook notifications. Too many unread emails. Twitter notifications. Instagram notifications. Unread messages. It’s overwhelming. Then add on [that you’ve been keeping a public diary about your life for a decade and] all kinds of people who don’t really know you who think they ‘like totally’ know you because they’ve known you for 5+ years.

They know about the cottage and people, places, things, thoughts. Boyfriends, birthdays, best friends. They’ve had babies and you’d recognize their kids now, but you don’t really know them.

They know you, part of you, the sunshiney part where you’re always smiling and wearing bright colours, or going somewhere great looking good.

They don’t see behind the screen, in the pile of clothes or messy closet. The days when you just can’t even, when you think about leaving the house. Or going to that event. When all you want to really do is stay home and cook in your kitchen or go to yoga because it makes you feel better.


I feel like I need a break and maybe it’s the winter blues talking post vacation SAD*.  Maybe it’s because I’m on the waitlist for yoga at noon. Maybe it’s Time’s Up or Me Too. I don’t know. It’s freezing outside and blowing snow gives limited visibility. It’s also Bell Let’s Talk and Spring is just a few weeks away.

It’s ok not to be ok. I’m not always ok. The last few weeks have been really hard. The trip to New Zealand was super fucking hard. My nana died and one of my uncles was being super controlling from the day I arrived to the point where I blocked him on Facebook. Travelling with your mum is not easy. I cried a lot for the first week of the trip. I cried while driving with my mum in the car yelling at each other. I pulled over to cry while mum walked off. I fucked up the car by putting diesel in the gas tank after having a big cry with my BF. I fucked up a tire by driving over a storm grate to take a picture of a sign that said ‘Beaconsfield’ like the old Queen West Bar. I drove alone on really insane roads where death was less than a metre away. But I did it. I did it all and I made it home safe. I was worried at times I wouldn’t make it and other times I wanted to drive mum and I off the damn ledge because I was so annoyed. But I didn’t do that either.

Over the course of the NZ trip, I learned a lot about myself and had a lot of time to think about what I want to do with my life. What’s next? I kept a diary of the trip with mum. I haven’t posted as much for the last 2 weeks since I’ve been back but I’ve still been writing. I’ve been working on more projects w/ 1188 and Occupied VR. I’ve been eating well, going to the gym, and doing yoga. Today I baked a lasagna from scratch.

I’m continuing my 2017 mantra of doing what makes me happy and making my time a priority. I guess you could say I’m reclaiming my time.  Last year after my LA trip, I shifted the way I think about things and it has made all the difference. I am more considerate and calm, and I try to listen more and talk less.

Being a positive person is something you have to want to do and decision I try to make every day. Post NZ I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I want to do next and I feel like the winter is a perfect time to hibernate and do just that. I always feel better when I write it down. Having a diary really helps me through those days when I don’t want to get out of bed.

If you’re having a hard day, hang in there. You are the director of your movie and you decide how the story goes and who plays a starring role.

You can also reach out to me anytime, I think you probably know me better than I realize. I’m always here. 

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FYI in case you aren't from Canada and don't have the long cold winter!
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that's related to changes in seasons —SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year. If you're like most people with SAD, your symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody.

@casiestewart