I know today is Bell Let’s Talk day and I’m not sure how to talk about the depression and anxiety that I face or if I even want to. Being on the Internet in itself gives me anxiety. Some days I just don’t feel like it at all, written about it a few times. Sometimes I want to hide and pretend I don’t even have a blog. (Or Twitter, tumblr, Facebook, Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, Selfish, Rdio, Google+, Vine, or phone.) I like keeping to myself on on those days, not sharing stories. Being alone.
My dad battled depression growing up and it was really hard for our family. He moved back to New Zealand to be with his family when my parents split up and it was tough for us. It sill is sometimes.
* Thanks Andrew Mitchell for drawing this photo of me. I love it.
I want you to know that I too have days when I’m down and I’ve been through some very dark times and almost not made it through. It’s not always sunny where I am but I do try to bring my own sunshine to the internet each and every single time I make an appearance. My blog is a place you can count on to have bright colours and a fun photo. It’s helpful for me to look back and remember the good times too. This is a place to make you feel happy when a cloud tries to rain on your parade. I’ve worked through a bunch of sad days wondering what to do with my life and I made it through. Don’t ever give up. I wanted to quit blogging a few times over the last 10 years and I am damn well glad I didn’t. I want you to know, I am actually happy most of the time and I really do smile a LOT. Really. If you’ve ever met me IRL you know it’s true.
People always wonder where I get all my energy and I don’t know what to tell you? I find inspiration in everything around me. When the sun shines through the clouds. A couple green lights in a row. When a song comes on the radio and I know all the words. An actual phone call from someone you like and miss. Turning on the TV to find the movie you were JUST thinking about is on. Old photos. A pair of tights with no holes in them. Clean sheets. Accidentally spilling glitter on the floor and not even getting mad. There’s joy in the little things, I’ve gotten good at finding it.
Thinking of you and sending warm positive thoughts with each keystroke. You’re not alone, we’re here together.
Writing each day is really good for you. It helps you get things done, assists in memory, and for me is really great therapy. If you’ve ever wanted to start a blog and think “what will I write about?”. Let me tell you, there’s so many things that happen in a day, you can find inspiration everywhere. What you eat, drink, wear, or where you travel to, even in your own city. If you open you eyes to the world and shift your perspective, you’ll see it in a new light.
Day 1/365, 2015: Here are some great things that happened
- Made notes about my day in a new notebook. I like spiral bound 5.5 x 8,5 in blank sketch paper. It’s for things I don’t blog like what I eat, vitamins, workout, how many Mason jars of water I drank.
- Did a new workout. Sweat my ass off.
- Ate good food. Nothing deep fried or heavily processed/takeout. Not being hungover really helped with that.
- Reclaimed my for love for granola. Yes, I like granola. Used to eat it heaps when I was a kid and my new found love for lactose free milk, it makes a delicious snack.
- Got a selfie stick. Sean bought one for me at Pacific Mall AND I LOVE IT.
- Opened my new Clarisonic Pearl and used it. Started with Clarisonic in December 2014 and have noticed my skin is more soft and ugly. It’s important to write this down so I always remember to use it. One minute can seem like a long time when you are in a rush.
- Put on fuzzy socks with Vaseline. If you read any beauty blogs or check Google this is a sure way to get super soft feet.
- Tagged my images properly in WordPress. Sometimes I’m a lazy blogger ok.
- Enjoyed a clean bedroom and fresh brand new sheets.
- Cleared space off my iPhone and Macbook Air. Have been meaning to do this for ages. This was an old text from an Uber driver. I laughed. LUBER haha.
- Folded the laundry AND put it away.
- Spent some quality time w/ my love. Including foot massage!
- Drank heaps of water.
I feel like I’m forgetting some other little gems that passed through the last 24 hours but I’ll remember those tomorrow, day 2. I’m trying to write more (~500 words/day). My goal of 2015 is to spend less time on the computer and more time doing things worth writing about.
Until then, this is my life 🙂
* title is a quote by Arthur Ashex who was an American athlete.
So, yesterday I wasn’t feeling so hot and I was hoping I was just tired from a busy weekend but today I am worse. My throat is sore and my whole body aches. I’m trying to look on the bright side, it’s forcing me to sit on the couch and spend some time with my computer and there’s a chance I might drop a few lbs before the New Year. I’m drinking heaps of water, have chicken soup, and Sean is home sick too. Our house is quarantine.
I don’t get sick very often but I’ve blogged about it a few times:
Looking back, I usually only get sick in winter. Apparently ‘it’s going around’, from my limited interaction with other humans the last 24 hours. After a really busy year I think a few days thrown up on the couch will do me well.
I’ve finally set a date for the release of my book on Amazon and have an ISBN number. There’s no turning back now. When I wrote my first book, JEANS, back in 1996 there were waaaaaay more hoops to jump through in order to self-publish. Thanks to the Internet, you can now publish at the touch of your fingers.
I also signed up for ukulele lessons and I will be able to play by the time summer rolls around. I’ve been meaning to to both those things for a while so feeling pretty good the wheels are in motion for 2015. I have a great feeling about this year. 365 new days and chances to create the life you’ve always imagined.
Anything on your list for 2015? I’ve turned off comments to tweet me at @casiestewart, I’d love to know!