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Let’s Talk

Let’s Talk

Three events today. Ignore…. 33 Facebook notifications. Too many unread emails. Twitter notifications. Instagram notifications. Unread messages. It’s overwhelming. Then add on [that you’ve been keeping a public diary about your life for a decade and] all kinds of people who don’t really know you who think they ‘like totally’ know you because they’ve known you for 5+ years.

They know about the cottage and people, places, things, thoughts. Boyfriends, birthdays, best friends. They’ve had babies and you’d recognize their kids now, but you don’t really know them.

They know you, part of you, the sunshiney part where you’re always smiling and wearing bright colours, or going somewhere great looking good.

They don’t see behind the screen, in the pile of clothes or messy closet. The days when you just can’t even, when you think about leaving the house. Or going to that event. When all you want to really do is stay home and cook in your kitchen or go to yoga because it makes you feel better.


I feel like I need a break and maybe it’s the winter blues talking post vacation SAD*.  Maybe it’s because I’m on the waitlist for yoga at noon. Maybe it’s Time’s Up or Me Too. I don’t know. It’s freezing outside and blowing snow gives limited visibility. It’s also Bell Let’s Talk and Spring is just a few weeks away.

It’s ok not to be ok. I’m not always ok. The last few weeks have been really hard. The trip to New Zealand was super fucking hard. My nana died and one of my uncles was being super controlling from the day I arrived to the point where I blocked him on Facebook. Travelling with your mum is not easy. I cried a lot for the first week of the trip. I cried while driving with my mum in the car yelling at each other. I pulled over to cry while mum walked off. I fucked up the car by putting diesel in the gas tank after having a big cry with my BF. I fucked up a tire by driving over a storm grate to take a picture of a sign that said ‘Beaconsfield’ like the old Queen West Bar. I drove alone on really insane roads where death was less than a metre away. But I did it. I did it all and I made it home safe. I was worried at times I wouldn’t make it and other times I wanted to drive mum and I off the damn ledge because I was so annoyed. But I didn’t do that either.

Over the course of the NZ trip, I learned a lot about myself and had a lot of time to think about what I want to do with my life. What’s next? I kept a diary of the trip with mum. I haven’t posted as much for the last 2 weeks since I’ve been back but I’ve still been writing. I’ve been working on more projects w/ 1188 and Occupied VR. I’ve been eating well, going to the gym, and doing yoga. Today I baked a lasagna from scratch.

I’m continuing my 2017 mantra of doing what makes me happy and making my time a priority. I guess you could say I’m reclaiming my time.  Last year after my LA trip, I shifted the way I think about things and it has made all the difference. I am more considerate and calm, and I try to listen more and talk less.

Being a positive person is something you have to want to do and decision I try to make every day. Post NZ I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I want to do next and I feel like the winter is a perfect time to hibernate and do just that. I always feel better when I write it down. Having a diary really helps me through those days when I don’t want to get out of bed.

If you’re having a hard day, hang in there. You are the director of your movie and you decide how the story goes and who plays a starring role.

You can also reach out to me anytime, I think you probably know me better than I realize. I’m always here. 

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FYI in case you aren't from Canada and don't have the long cold winter!
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that's related to changes in seasons —SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year. If you're like most people with SAD, your symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody.

Thanks Converse.ca 😎✌🏼 New Shoes for Me! New Shoes for You!

Thanks Converse.ca 😎✌🏼 New Shoes for Me! New Shoes for You!

In celebration of converse.ca (Welcome to 🇨🇦 !) they sent an awesome package. The box is an old computer with a lenticular screen, and it’s full of disks. A couple disks have codes for FREE SHOES and I’m sharing then w you. YAY! I gave a pair to Matt @ 1188 to test shipping. Ordered Friday shipped Monday, on his feet Tuesday in TO from Montreal.


Every summer I get a new pair of white Converse because after wearing them all summer with no socks, trust me, they’re worn out done.  I’d like a pair of white leather hightops but I also love the little white Dainty. Really feeling the Nike X Flyknit but they only come in mens sizes and my feet are too small. 😩

The new Converse II  soles are more comfortable. They’re a great summer staple, love them with dresses or jeans, shorts, and rompers. They’re my fav. I have a framed photo of my Andy Warhol converse in my room and another couple pairs tucked away in under bed storage for safe keeping; an Andy Warhol pair and classic Chuck Taylor high tops with my signature on the tongue. 


HOW TO WIN? LEAVE A COMMENT! 👇🏽

Scroll over to converse.ca, find your fav shoes, and say hi in the comments w/ a link to your fav pair.
I’ll pick two people and shoes will be delivered to you anywhere in Canada.
Extra points for good manners, jokes, or kind words. GOOD LUCK! 😊

 

💡It's kind of fun writing little disclaimers at the bottom of posts. Have you noticed? As I said, Converse sent me a cool present and I decided to share with you on my blog like I have done since 2009. This is what I love about blogging telling a story about something I love and my little ol' life and sharing with you. Thank you Micki and Converse team, also again this package is awesome.  
  • oh ya FYI, sorry USA Canada only! 

You Can Achieve Anything You Want If You Work At It

You Can Achieve Anything You Want If You Work At It

I found this photo in a box of tax receipts and it gave me such a warm feeling. I’m pretty sure mum has this costume still hanging up in a closet at home. When I was about 9 my jazz class did a competition number to the Inspector Gadget song and to this day I still remember some of it.

I spent heaps of time at the dance studio as a kid. I started ballet around 3 and a half, had my first recital at 5, and spent a few years competing. I went all over Ontario, NY, and the National American Dance Championships in South Carolina a couple times.

First ballet Recital, 5 years Old, Fluffy Cloud

I distinctly remember times ballet was hard. Sometimes I hated it. I’d be crying after class, begging mum to let me quit. But she never did. And thank god for that.

Although it was tough, dance taught me so much.

It taught me hold my head high when I walk, how to enter a room, how to be on stage. I learned to not give up.

I’m so thankful for the decade I spent dancing as kid. For my teacher Miss Lisa at Meyerhofer Academy in Cambridge. I’m grateful for mum who taught me to persevere through all the tough times. Also thankful for all the late nights, mum sat at the kitchen table making ballet skirts for the studio to pay for it.

As I get older ,I appreciate more and more the hard work I put in when I was younger. This week Emily and I signed up for Tae Kwon Do. It’s her first go and my first time back in 20 years. [Side note: WHERE DID THE TIME GO, HOW AM I THAT OLD?] 


TDK is another thing I spent a few years doing that taught me so much.  I have my green belt, won an Ontario trophy for 3rd in sparring, and once broke a guys jaw with a roundhouse kick.

Before signing up this week I inquired about it twice over the last year and I’m glad I finally did it. Even after all these years, the five tenants of Tae Kwon Do have never left my memory.

Explanation of Tenets

1. Courtesy (Ye Ui)

2. Integrity (Yom Chi)

3. Perseverance (In Nae)

4. Self-Control (Guk Gi)

5. Indomitable Spirit (Baekjul Boolgool)


I’ve been working hard at yoga the last couple months and I feel so much stronger in  my muscles and my mind. I’m not sure if I’ve lost many lbs but I’ve for sure made some muscle and lost some of that muffin ’round the middle.

This post is a reminder: Don’t give up. When something is hard you have to push through to get to the next level. It’s like playing a really hard video game, and working hard to beat The Boss, and make it to the next level.

When you get there, it’s always worth it. And you can do it again.


Have a great weekend,