How you doing? I’m feeling the weight of everything this week and it is heavy. My new job is great but adjusting from 6+ years of freelance to work 40 hours a week has been tiring. Watching the news and seeing things get worse is extremely draining. Not being able to see family when they’re going through their own things is heartbreaking. We’re not even allowed to meet friends in the park anymore.  Each day this week I opened my blog admin to write something and ended up writing the title and staring at the screen. I couldn’t find the words to document the day. I try to appreciate something good each day like the sun, a call from mum, a good outfit, or laughing over DM’s with a friend. It’s hard to stay motivated/positive right now. Things are pretty bad. We can only hope things will get better but perspective is hard when we’re stuck in the middle of a storm that’s been going on for 13 months.  Today I woke up thinking about work and excited to get things done. My motivation slowly declined when I checked my phone, laid back down in my fully made bed, and stared at the wall for a while. Do you find yourself staring at the wall too? Next, I watered my plants and moved some around, grabbed some snacks, made coffee, and turned into the couch.  In other news, keeping this pandemic diary is surprisingly therapeutic. Despite some days where I’m completely exhausted, there have been a lot of good days. I find myself looking back and remembering park hangs in the summer, bike rides, cottage life, and great meals we made at home. Thankful for friends and family, also Netflix/Prime, good wifi, and snacks.  Sending you love, hang in there. ?

Today was a busy day and by the time I finished my last meeting, I was almost ready for a nap. Here’s today’s smoothie bowl, I’m still obsessed. Tonight’s activities include watching Wheel & Jeopardy then getting ready for bed. Ya girl is tired, not sure if it’s the weather or general anxiety about the state of the world. We had out contractor Lindsay over to do some work on the bathroom reno and it’s slowly but surely coming along. We still have a sink & some fixtures in the living room from American Standard ready to be installed. Covid has really put a damper on this whole thing! In other news, a few packages arrived today including two new bathing suits, new boots from L’Intervalle (yes, again!), and this cute sweater from Made For The Lake Co. in Muskoka. On the back it says ‘Smore’s Club’ and it’s from their kid’s section. Will be perfect for summer nights at the cottage. ? Sean is up north this week with Emily for April Break. Today the government announced kids will be doing virtual classes indefinitely until the panini calms down. Ontario is reporting some of the highest numbers since this whole thing started and the different Covid variants are affecting younger people more and more. Watching the news is pretty depressing and there is really no end in sight. I’m trying to stay positive and focus on things that bring me joy but it’s hard sometimes. I really miss seeing my parents and I haven’t seen my sister in weeks. Hang in there my friends, we will get through this. Stay home, wear a mask when you’re out, and make sure to check in on loved ones. ? Sending you sunshine through the internet,

Today was another super sunny day! I went to the Canadian Tire garden center to pick up some new plants in the morning before Sean and Em went up north. Last night I decided to put on a bunch of fake tattoos because why not? It’s not like I’m going anywhere where I need to be ‘professional’ and tbh, I don’t think anyone would really mind. I originally had a tiny moon tattoo on my face but I took it off before heading out into the world. Neck tattoos were ok but it felt too out of character to have one on the face. I’m not that badass! Went for a nice bike ride in the afternoon near Trinity Bellwoods. The park was so busy I decided I didn’t want to hang out there. One day last year, I was in the park when it was busy and it was all over the news about people breaking the rules. I was there alone and not in a crowd but I still felt bad just being near the scene. I learned my lesson that day and if I go somewhere with too many people, I won’t stick around. I do NOT want to get covid or god forbid, get caught anywhere with too many people. As I was biking my friend yelled ‘she’s like sunshine’, I carried that thought with me all day. Found so many bright & fun summer clothes when I switched over my closet. Felt great to try everything on again! She’s like sunshine!

Had a great week and was ready to close my computer at the end of the day. It felt like summer outside so I hopped on my bike for a cruise around the neighbourhood. I forgot how much I love bike riding! I’ve been drinking less lately but with the sun on my face and wind in my hair, I decided it was a great day for a beer. I stopped into Henderson Brewery just down the West Toronto Rail Path and cracked a can on the wooden platform. I love sitting there at the end of the day to watch the sun go down. Emily came back to our house after school today after being with her mum for the last two weeks. It’s official, we are the same height now! She is growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday she was a little 8-year-old girl who didn’t mind me doing her hair or wearing dresses. They’re heading back up north for March April Break next week and I’m staying in the city for work. Hope you have a great weekend!

Today April and I met up for a socially distanced photoshoot at my fav rainbow wall on Orfus Road. Cory Lee and I shot here a while back before Covid started. It’s always a bit nostalgic to back to this area, my first ever job in Toronto was on Orfus Road at the YM Inc. head office. I was blogging on MySpace back then (2004) and casiestewart.com was born while working there in 2005. We totally underestimated how crazy the wind was but it made the experience even more fun. It’s amazing how spending a bit of time with a friend can lift your spirits. We laughed our asses off trying to get the right photos and I had a few dress mishaps à la Marilyn Monroe. ? See my video on Instagram here. I hadn’t posted anything on Instagram in a few days so it was nice to shoot some colourful photos. Before Covid, I always had places to go and things to do but over the last year, well, nothing has been happening. In other news, I’m really excited for warmer days & spring outfits. This weekend I’m planning to do the seasonal switch over and pack away my wooly sweaters for summer. Crossing my fingers that doesn’t jinx me and we end up getting snow again lol. Last year we had snow in May on my birthday! My thought for today is to try and follow the rainbow, you might find some gold when you’re there.

Today I felt like I needed some summer vibes in my life so I braided my hair and put on a yellow sweater. Was the first time I did this style since summer when I used to braid my hair all the time. It wasn’t until later in the day that I posted a photo of my hair on Twitter and I know for sure that my sister didn’t see it. Well, do you know what? Jenie called me at night and said she braided her hair today too, her first time since summer. I can’t tell you how many times we have shown up in almost identical outfits or done something super random like this on the same day. We aren’t twins but I am 100% convinced the universe has us intertwined with a sister connection. That’s all for today, just a little positive story. Appreciate the little things my friends!

Here we are, we made it to the end of this insane year, New Years’ Eve 2020. I had a nice day & went to bed before midnight. Feeling good about the year ahead. We have a lot to be grateful for. Looking back at everything that happened this year, I learned a lot. Despite being home/cottage for 90% of the year I did a lot of new things, ditched some old habits, made some new ones. On a side note, I’m really glad to have grown my hair out. I wanted to do it for years and this is the most un-dyed it’s been since I was a teenager. I’m celebrating the growth. My word for 2020 was BLOOM. At the end of 2019, I had a deep-rooted need for change, I wanted something different in my career and was well on my way to leading a healthier lifestyle. In my mind, by the time spring arrived in 2020, I’d be ready to bloom. In January 2020, I went to Cuba, stayed in a hotel, went to events. One weekend in February, I met with some friends and one specific conversation bloomed into something really great career-wise. In March, most of my work was canceled and I ended up on CERB until the end of summer. During that time I did a lot of creative things, I wrote every day, did tie-dye, learned to propagate plants, read books in the sun, and worked out heaps. There were a lot of hard times too, don’t get me wrong, but for the purpose of documenting this memory, I want to be thankful for all the ups and downs. I am grateful for the opportunity to slow down, to create, to be in the moment and not the rat race. As a…

I wasn’t feeling great today. Kept waking up in the night thinking someone was walking through the cottage. Woke up with serious anxiety, went for a run, did a meditation, took a nap. Called mum when after my rest and talked it out. Had a cry, felt a bit better. Mum has a magical way of calming me down, looking at things rationally, and helping me see clearly. A nap always helps too, everything seems more intense when you’re tired. Today, Toronto announced new ‘red zone’ restrictions as cases keep rising in the GTA. Ontario is now seeing over 1,000 cases/day which is kinda scary. As of Saturday, restaurants can no longer have indoor dining, gyms can’t hold fitness classes, no indoor meeting spaces, and bars have 9pm last call. They’re also encouraged people not to hang out with anyone who doesn’t live in their household. It’s crazy we are living through this right now. Being at the cottage feels like we’re escaping and sometimes I start doing something where I forget what’s going on, then I remember. It’s normal to have anxiety, especially now, I’ve found that exercise and meditation have been really helpful. A couple of years ago I was gifted a membership to the Calm app and really got into guided meditation. I found that I really missed using the app and purchased a new membership in the summer. I love the sleep stories by Matthew McConaughey or Harry Stiles. I swear I’ve never heard the end of the story, I always fall asleep! Their website is offering a free week if you’d like to give it a try. If you’re feeling pandemic anxiety, it’s normal, take some deep breaths, go outside for as walk, call a friend, or do something that makes you feel happy. We’ll…

Spent the entire afternoon sitting in the sun and it was so lovely! Read my book, did a little workout, perfection. Hard to believe we are having such warm days in November. 2020 is such an interesting year! We’ve been having the most beautiful sunsets the last few days. I love summer up here but there’s also such a good vibe in autumn. Sending love from the woods!

Met up with some of my fav media ladies in the west end for a little park hang. It was so nice out! Natalie arranged to have catering from Marben, we had a couple of their new boxes filled with all kinds of picnic snacks. It was so great to see everyone (distanced, obvs) and chat over wine in the sun. I’m not ready for summer to be over. Luckily, it looks like next week will have some hot days!

Spent most of the day at my computer. It was really hot today. Whenever I opened the patio door, I was instantly hit with a wave of heat. I’m not ready for summer to be over. I love fall fashion but cooler temps gets my mind thinking about winter. It’s already such a hard time with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) that a pandemic sends my mind swirling with ways to try and cope. If a second wave comes, (and it looks like it might), should we go back to the cottage, or can I run away to Costa Rica? Hard to believe this is Day 170 of my daily pandemic blog diary, where did the time go? I’ve always loved September, the last decade has meant returning to events post-summer relaxation, TIFF, Fashion Week, seeing all my friends at once. I feel sad for the times we won’t have but grateful for the memories, all mostly documented here or on Instagram. I’ve got tickets to one TIFF screening so far and we’ll see how many more tickets I can snag for my at-home TIFF experience. Over the past month, I’ve been a bit slack with working out and keeping track of the days. This month I’m sticking to my goals. A fresh stary of sorts and there’s a full moon tonight. I didn’t run today but I did 100 situps and 10 pushups before bed. A small feat but one I’m trying to make a routine. I put some water and my crystals out last night, made 6 wishes at the moon and stared at it or a bit. Does the moon see me? I’ll do whatever I can do bring good vibes right now!