CASIE STEWART
THIS IS MY LIFE • BLOG EST. 2005
Travel

Kevin, you’re what French call les incompetents

Kevin, you’re what French call les incompetents

This is me today… I’m heading to New York tomorrow and excited. I’m also a bit nervous and having anxiety. I’ve never been to NY and i’m flying porter there all by myself then I have to take a taxi to our hotel. I know everything will be fine but I can’t help but feel the nerves kicking in.  I’ve got two suitcases, one for NY and one packed for Cuba on Monday. I’m very lucky to be going but i’m feeling the pressure to get lots of stuff done for work and blog and pack and family/christmas stuff.  Plus, Blackberry emails are not coming through and twitter replies are slow, adding to the anxiousness. In other news, I’ve decided to sell the Bell Google Android phone.  If you want it, tell me, I posted it here. Take a deep breath…I’m so ready for the beach.

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LIFE

gonna storm that beach like it’s mine

gonna storm that beach like it’s mine

Went to the gym today at 8am. I don’t like that place unless I’m the only one there. I put on the tv and sung out loud to my ipod. It was nice. It gives me anxiety but I fought it today. Proud of myself for that. I don’t want a trainer but I don’t really know what to do. I could look it up online but I don’t feel like it. I got in good shape this summer from biking and now I just gotta trim the edges a wee bit. I’m so excited. I was super skinny last time I went  vacation at a beach so I wanna be like that again.  Self motivation is key and frankly, I’ve got lots! Beach body FTW here I come!

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Art

some times i don’t feel like it

some times i don’t feel like it

I walked around for about an hour thinking about my life. I was having realizations and I felt like a crazy person. It was as if I was in a fog. I was having anxiety. Sometimes I freak out. Sometimes I don’t want to be on the internet anymore. Sometimes I don’t know what to do about stuff and sometimes I forget things.  I started freaking about my last minute trip to a foreign country. Panicked. Instant attack. I left the store. I walked down the street back in my own fog again.  I’m nervous about going but then think not going would be silly too. For a bunch of different reasons.  It’s a chance to relax and go some place  cool with bunch of cool old friends. Relax. I’m packing one bag;  one nice outfiit, one dress, one piece bathing suit, one yoga mat. This is the relax retreat. A true mini vacation/airport tour. Vanilla as some may say. I know when I come back Sunday I’ll have had lots of time with self.  I love traveling; airport, airplane, people, waiting, watching, thinking, moving.  I love being in motion.

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LIFE

i am made of light i am made of stars

i am made of light i am made of stars

A couple years ago Mum gave me the a book called “The Four Agreements” by Don Migue l Ruiz. It makes me feel less anxiety when I carry it around. It’s one of those you keep in your purse and when someone says something or does something to make you feel not as awesome as you should, I reach for it and read it over a couple times. I refuse to lend it out because I’d hate to not get it back. That always happens with book lending. The Four Agreements are great when you want to be inspired or motivated to keep a positive attitude. My favorite line is in the beginning and it’s the title of this post. The Four Agreements Be Impeccable With Your Word Don’t Take Anything Personally Don’t Make Assumptions Always Do Your Best

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Writing

yeah, i’m totally an expert

yeah, i’m totally an expert

Today I Mastermind in MaRS… Social Mastermind brings together a diverse mentor network of social media strategists, marketing specialists, advertising gurus, and public relations experts (ME) to help put together the foundations of a viable and impactful campaign. Read more here.

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LIFE

and when it does i want to run away

and when it does i want to run away

this papers not as good for drawing its better for writing in pen i like when the pencil scratches the paper its thinner than the other paper and i like that one better because you can do more with different things and make it more colourful and full of life i don’t like to write on the back of the paper and i like when the words fill up the spaces of the flat piece of paper either and when words the same end up together it makes me smile and i like it the reporter is always writing and chasing stories i would rather be chased than chase the lives and run in circles around my own thoughts and how i feel about the lives of other people i like to report my own stories its new and always news its always new and always news but it gives me anxiety sometimes * from my moleskine

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Travel

eagle preparing to fly

eagle preparing to fly

Before I fly I always get a little bit of anxiety. I’ve always been with someone when I’ve flown and this time I was meeting friends in Florida and flew by myself.  To make sure I was ready I put on my chain with a star and eagle feather. I added a Tiki that Dad brought me back from NZ to the chin before I left too. I’ve been working on a project called Flock of Eagles and the eagle feather makes me feel strong. I also put on bracelets from Mum that traveled all the way from New Zealand.  That way I had a little bit of family with me. I also made sure I got tanned up and toned up my muscles. The flight was smooth and I arrived to the hot sun in just over 3 hours. More posts coming soon about trip etc.

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LIFE

palmerston is beautiful on both sides

palmerston is beautiful on both sides

I’ve find that biking is toning up my beach body.  This is really nice considering I hate the gym. It gives me anxiety. I’m lucky to have these super mutant-like muscles that when I do any exercise I get almost instant results.  Yesterday I was biking to Yorkville for #wiredwedTO and took back streets. Didn’t have helmet on, sorry Mum. Will pick it up this evening just for you. I rode down Palmerston Boulevard, one the most beautiful and truly one of my favorites. Most of the houses on Palmerston Boulevard were built between 1903 and 1910. It’s a nice one to bike on and there’s hardly any cars. I like it because of the trees and the houses and because a bunch of my family live in Palmerston North, New Zealand.  ‘Young heart, easy living’ they call it.Palmy (as the Kiwi’s call it) is a very beautiful city north of the capital, Wellington, in the eastern part of the Manawatu Plains, and close to the northern bank of the Manawatu River. I love it there. They have lots of windmills and rolling hills that is absolute bliss. You can see them from the back yard at Nana’s old house where Mum grew up. It’s really pretty.

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Art

there’s something about ‘zombie face’

there’s something about ‘zombie face’

Months ago I went through a Zombie phase. I loved it. I love Zombie face. I don’t like scary things, I mean like blood and guts and horror. Makes me feel anxiety and pain but let me tell you, there’s something about the tattoo I put on my arm that I totally love. I put it on again.  I wear fake tattoos and when I find one I like I buy the whole lot. Sometimes I don’t want it enough to have it all the time, just sometimes. I went for a bike ride to the LCBO on Queens Quay by the water. It was beautiful. There was one problem, this guy. This guy with his gut out, walking so freely along while topless.  It was not appealing. Thus,  I share with you as fair warning it is not recomended style to go walkabout like this unless you’re a babe. The tower.  The tower was pretty today beside my bike.

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LIFE

one more day and i’m one year older

one more day and i’m one year older

Each year when I birthday rolls around I feel a bit of anxiety planning something that’s ‘all about me‘. I know that seems surprising because I write about myself each day, but this is like a diary and I write to remember. I love planning events, but events for other people, charity and helping others. It’s easier when it’s not all about me, although I obviously like the attention. So, when everyone asks ‘what are you doing for your birthday?’ I rarely have one answer and it usually results in anxiety. I’m gonna be home tomorrow night and have some friends over. I think it would be asshole of me to expect a big shout out when I don’t have the cash to pay for it all. Wait till next year…I’ll start planning waaaay early to alleviate the last minute anxiety I’m facing now. All week I’ve been seeing friends and doing fun things. The things is, that’s not much different from all the other days. I try to make sure that my friends know I love them and that I am very thankful to have them in my life. This the best birthday gift anyone could ask for. This picture I love.

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stairs, stairs, stares. laissez-faire.

stairs, stairs, stares. laissez-faire.

I take the stairs down most of the time at my office. I take the elevator up. I’m thinking of doing the stair climb up the CN Tower. I reckon I could make a good time. I love the tower. I watch it daily. I went to the gym today and then for a swim. It was refreshing and inspiring. They gym has given me anxiety for the last few years and I rarely ever go. This morning I got over it. It felt fantastic. I’m dying to go again. the stairs from me on vimeo. I also got a new Moleskine.

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miss ya mitch

miss ya mitch

You know, you can’t please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show.– Mitch Hedberg Mitch Hedberd was my favorite comedian. He died late in the evening on March 29, 2005. Due to stage fright and anxiety, he often performed with his glasses on, head down, hair in his face, and sometimes closed his eyes as not to make eye contact. Mitch was known for pointing out when he didn’t deliver a joke right and often nodded his head saying “all right.” It was often quite funny when he didn’t get the reaction he expected and would say something like “That joke’s better than you acted” or “That joke was dumb, I am aware of that.” He’s funny. I wish he was making jokes still. Luckily, he still makes me laugh every time I watch. ♥

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LIFE

You are missed babe ♥

You are missed babe ♥

DANIELLE CARON, RPN September 19, 1981 – July 18, 2008 Passed away suddenly, on Friday July 18, 2008. Beloved daughter of John and Anna Caron. Loved by siblings John, Wendy and Michael. Danielle’s famous sense of humour and smile will be missed by everyone who loved her. She especially loved children and the elderly, and she had a special place in her heart for her patients at Sunbeam Residential Development Centre. Private viewing for family and close friends at Westmount Funeral Chapel, Kitchener on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 (today), 2-4 p.m. Cremation will follow. Memorial service will be held at Community Christian Reformed Church, 1275 Bleams Rd., Kitchener on Friday, July 25, 2008 at 2 p.m. Memorial donations to YODA – Youth Overcoming Depression and Anxiety would be greatly appreciated by the family.

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