I can’t believe it’s been 125 days. I started this Daily Diary part of the blog thinking it would be a couple of weeks, months, maybe? Sometimes I’ll be doing something and totally forget how the world is so different now. Then I remember and feel overwhelmed. One minute I’m doomscrolling and having anxiety and another times social media gives me a great place to escape. I feel uncertain about everything today. Given that the world has changed so much in the past six months, it’s impossible to predict what will happen next. What tragedy or terror will we face? Apparently the worst hurricane season is on its way, there are UFOs, and second waves of are COVID happening in multiple countries. I’m grateful to be at the cottage and have Sean by my side but everything comes with challenges. What you see on the internet is only a small slice of someone’s life, the curated version. I haven’t posted much on my Instagram this month, I just haven’t felt like it. I’ve been a rollercoaster of emotion since June and I’m really hoping this ride slows down a bit in August. If you are reading this any feeling any of the same feelings, please know you are not alone. I welcome you to reach out if need/want someone to talk to, I’m a great listener and am usually good for a laugh. Send me a DM on Instagram, a Tweet, or an email. I’m almost always on the other side of the screen, wherever you are, right here in your phone or on your computer. We will get through this and we will be ok.

Sean called me outside when he was checking the boat after the storm to catch this family going by. We’ve watched them grow since the spring. I really love being up here in the words. I think it’s changing me for the better. For so long I’ve been running from one thing to the next, the next job, event, project, I didn’t realize how tired I was. This isn’t how we pictured our summer but I’m grateful for the opportunity to be spending more time here.

This morning I felt like I needed meditation to start my day. To stop, pause. Think. Take a minute. I took a break from posting sunshiney selfies and cottage life to share content by black creators, friends, and use my platform to share their voices. I did a morning meditation by Elaisha Jade and signed up for her 30-day daily course. I love her voice, it’s so soothing and you can head her smile. Elaisha started her company after working in tech for years and feeling the burn out all often go through. At Your Mindful, she focusses on bringing mindfulness and meditation in-person or online to people around the world. Thank you Elaisha! If you want to book a private online session with her, book it here. She also has a self-guided silent retreat you can sign up for here. To sign up and join me for 30-days of meditation for free, scroll down! 30 Days of Meditation: Sign Up Here! In other news, I broke my personal 5K record on Nike Training and have been officially running for 6 months! Extremely grateful to Amy Shio aka @lesbest for her monthly challenges, she’s really motivated me to get off my booty and hit the pavement. I ran 100Km last month! P.S. If you are looking for anti-racism links, check this document or see these resources in Canada. You can also check the link in my Instagram bio here for a list of resources, places to donate, and petitions to sign! ?

Fitting that the 20th post in this series is being written in 2020. It’s been a while since I wrote one of these. This year started out pretty good, we woke up January 1st at the cottage and six days later I was in Cuba. The month flew by and I saw a lot of friends in February. Little did we know what March would bring and now, April is almost over and the world is a different place. We’re in a global pandemic, the death toll is rising everyday, people are out of work, businesses are collapsing. Yesterday 19 22 people died in a mass shooting in Nova Scotia. It’s a lot to process. I feel tired, sad, grief. I woke up overwhelmed by it all. I’m cold, my arm aches, maybe it’s the weather? I didn’t workout today. All I want to do is lay on the couch, read, or watch a movie that makes me feel warm inside. Around noon, I pulled myself together and put on a nicer sweatsuit for a trip to the post office. It was the first time I’d driven somewhere alone since lockdown. My weighted blanket of anxiety was heavy on my chest as I got in the truck and backed out the driveway. Why did I feel so nervous? I’m an experienced driver, I’ve driven the truck on the these roads heaps. I had a mask and gloves, my tracking numbers. You have to mentally and physically prepare every time you leave the house right now, plan your route, give yourself extra time. It’s hard to adjust to the way things are right now. Some days I’m happy in the isolation bubble, creating, making things, then days like today, it all hits me and I’m filled with anxiety. It’s ok to…

I woke up not feeling great but pulled myself out of bed to make coffee. The Y&R has 2 new eps on the Global TV app, happy to see that! I’ve been staring out the window a lot and I’m thankful to be up here. The other day I wanted to go home, I was thinking about my plants and organizing my closet. It might also be nice to put on some of my fancier clothes and do my hair & makeup. I did a few workouts and spent a couple of hours doing actual work in the afternoon. I rearranged the kitchen furniture to make more room for exercise. I have been saving onion peels to make a fabric dye, they turn things a nice yellow. Kept a bunch of recycling to use for planting seeds and vegetables. I don’t know if this will work but it’s worth a shot. Who knows how long we will be living in isolation, might as well try! Today I am thankful for technology to keep us all connected. I’m grateful to have Sean here with me. I am hopeful that after isolation we will emerge with new survival skills and stronger connections to the people we care about. We will get through this.

We had fun yesterday. I mean, it seems hard to have fun in this situation but, if you think about it. You can still have fun if you want to. Sean and I had a good time driving to the cottage, listening to oldies on 104.1 The Dock. We had fun driving over the mini snowbank driveway at the cottage right when Black Betty came on, I cranked it and we plowed through the driveway in the snow. As much as unpacking the car is work, it was still kinda fun. Navigating the snow, carrying bags & boxes, trying to balance, while inside started to warm up. We worked from about 4:30pm to 8pm getting the cottage ready. I remembered Alex was going Live on IG at 8pm, so I joined. We talked about life in isolation and doing a fireworks show on Friday night. It was really fun! We haven’t hung out IRL in ages but it was just as good. I chatted for about 15min and jumped out before she ended the chat at 8:30pm. I left to help Sean get wood and get batteries. At 9:30 I called my friend who recently came back from two months in Asia and traveled through China to get home. She’s been in quarantine for two weeks already. We chatted about everything from COVID-19 to workouts and she helped me with some ideas of what I can do up here. I want to share positivity. I want to be your sunshine at this hard time. I don’t know what else to do. I’m not sure exactly how and what I’m going to do but each day, I’ll try to share some good. If nothing else, I’ll share how I’m feeling. Maybe a smile or a beautiful sunset. I’m happy to be…