I am so happy it’s finally NICE OUT. I know I’ve been a bit quiet and not posting as much the last couple weeks but I needed a break. Sometimes I go through stages where I don’t feel like sharing my life online. It can honestly be kind of overwhelming. Last week we spent 6 days at the cottage and it was just the reset I needed. This weekend we’re heading back up for 3 days and I’m going to do some gardening with Sean’s mum. I think it’s important to recognize when you need a break. I’m feeling a bit more inspired to wrote and share. I’ve been working on a few things behind the scenes with 1188 and other clients. On a side note, the tray and plates in the first post were on sale at Loblaws, I love them! This weekend I’ll spend some time catching up on posts and fill you in on what I’ve been up to.  

I used to post a lot of collage photos of my faces, different faces, expressions. I mean, used to as in the ‘old days’ of social media, pre-Instagram, early Twitter. I love taking photos of myself and documenting them. I love myself and I want you to know that. You should love yourself too. What else can I say? You gotta love yourself first because the more love you have, the more love you can give to others. Love and kindness are infinite. I always thought it was fun to take a million (ok, a hundred?) photos of my facial expressions and post them. As a kid, I spent heaps of time making faces in the mirror, ask mum. Honestly, I take about 50+ sometimes before I get one I want to post. I’ve always had an expressive face. When I was a kid, I did a lot of dance competitions across Ontario, New York, Myrtle Beach. At one competition my adjudicator was Patsy Swayze, Patrick Swayze’s mum. She trained him for Dirty Dancing in 1987 when I was 5. It was circa 1990 when she recorded a tape about me.  Back then, judges used to record their comments on tape while you were dancing and give it to you after the awards. I still have the tape of her talking about me. She said, “it’s too bad we don’t have lighting from the audience to show this child’s facial expression because she really does deserve it”. To this day, that is one of my proudest moments. “it’s too bad we don’t have lighting from the audience to show this child’s facial expression because she really does deserve it” I will never stop showing who I am. I’m too damn old to try and pretend to be someone else, gah, imagine how much work that would be? I am who I…

Last night when the plane landed I received a text saying that nana had passed away. Mum and I left SF and I guess around that same time in NZ, Betty passed peacefully.  In a message from my auntie, she said ‘we were all in-flight together’. It was hard being there and seeing her struggling to eat or sit up. Nursing homes have this old smell and it is sad seeing people in their last days of life. It was my first time experiencing that and I felt sad but I wanted to be there, yet part of me wanted to run away from it. It gives you all these conflicting feelings about life and death, sprinkle that with a bit of family drama and it would give anyone anxiety. I’ve spent my whole life on the other side of the world from my family and not been there for any death or sickness. This trip was the first time I’d been there to experience something like this with relatives. We visited nana each day I was there in Palmerston North and mum stayed an extra week to be with her. I took photos and printed one of her and mum, then put it in a frame to put beside nana’s bed. Mum went through some of nana’s things and we all took a few mementoes to remember her. I painted her nails and did her lipstick. We told stories about Canada and our families here. Mum put some nice cream on her frail dry hands. I’m so glad we were able to be there with her in those final days, especially mum. I can only imagine how hard it was for her. Seeing her, and also leaving her. Betty was a strong woman. Always dressed well and wore lipstick. Her hair was always permed with…