CASIE STEWART
THIS IS MY LIFE • BLOG EST. 2005
LIFE

DONT KILL YOURSELF

DONT KILL YOURSELF

Don’t give up. Don’t quit over your job. Don’t die over money. Don’t bottle your feelings up. Don’t stay inside and hide. Don’t give up. Don’t hold it all in. Don’t put on a smile and act like everything is fine when it’s not. Don’t write your last letter. Don’t plan your exit. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t be selfish. Don’t kill yourself.  PLS ASK FOR HELP. Yesterday I posted the suicide hotline after hearing about Kate Spade. I felt sad. Her death was a reminder that no matter how much money, fancy clothes, cars, businesses, health, family, no matter how much you have, you can still have dark thoughts. None of us are immune to feeling like we’re backed into a corner. We all go through love, loss, money, no money, jobs, no jobs, depression, anxiety. Life is hard. No matter how much it seems like someone has a perfect life, THEY DON’T.  They might have an even more fucked up life than you think you do, trust me! We all go through it. We all have days, weeks, months, years when we wonder why we are still doing it, or not making it, or are we just faking it? Life is hard. We’re constantly bombarded with challenges, tests, to see if we can make it to the next level. We all have the strength to deal, to fight, to call on each other, to make it through. You are never alone. There are lots of people around you even though you might not feel like it sometimes. It’s easy to isolate yourself, to put on a smile and act like everything is a-ok when you feel like dying inside. Reach out to someone around you. People care, people at work, home, on Facebook, and right on the other…

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Writing

I’m Internet, but I’m Human Too

I’m Internet, but I’m Human Too

Do you ever just feel like you need a break? To run away. Get on a plane. Be alone. Put away your phone. Take flight and be free. I don’t know exactly why but today I feel frustrated. There are lots of things to feel great about but with a few roadblocks, no amount of meditation, water or walking is going to save me right now. I want to curl up with my computer on a patio of a villa somewhere far away, alone. I’ve got things I want to write and I feel like I need a secluded place away from everyone and everything. Life is full of distractions and no matter where I go, they’re all around. Maybe I should turn off wifi. I’m doing a wellness retreat this afternoon and in the middle of planning a trip with Aeroplan. Maybe I have travel jitters and I just want to leave now? Please remember that no matter how many smiling selfies, cute couple photos, designer dresses, great skin, and clean houses, nothing is that perfect in real life. We all have our struggles, battles, and have no idea what we are doing. But we’re doing it. I had no idea what I was doing when I started my blog and stuck at it. I was addicted to documenting, I love writing, smiling photos. Most of my blog posts aren’t even about anything other than how I’m feeling or where I’m going, but we all feel things and go places. Writing it down helps me deal with everything, it’s great therapy. I’m gonna go for that walk now. I think it might actually help.  P.S. When I opened up Twitter before leaving my computer for the aforementioned walk, this Tweet was waiting for me. Good read. I relate to this ‘smiling depression’ quite a bit. Hiding…

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LIFE OMG FML

Theres A Butterfly In There Somewhere!

Theres A Butterfly In There Somewhere!

It’s crazy that when everything is going great you can also feel like everything is crumbling. I don’t mean Murphy’s Law but like just life, in general, has this up and down thing as much as you try to keep a plateau. This week I had two great things come to the table, one that I have been working on in the background of everything else for years, and another potential opportunity to do something I used to do well. I was feeling good about it but I’m at the point in my career that I don’t get too excited until I have the cheque in my bank or a signed contract and we’re making the thing. There was a time I’d get sooo excited about an email. I’d ring mum at work and be like ‘omg mum guess what?” and go on about how someone from some company or tv station sent an email about doing a thing. Sometimes it turned out and sometimes it didn’t. I don’t count chickens anymore. Yesterday I woke up barely breathing with a deathly chest cold and it was hard to talk. The whole day was been hard because being sick makes everything harder. I had to cancel 2 meetings. 1 of which I first cancelled last week because I was sick. I’m going on day 7. I feel really bad about cancelling twice and even worse because I’m sick and I can’t help it. I took the photo above while sitting on the floor in my living room with the camera on the back of a chair. I’ve been wearing this vintage wolf shirt for at least 24 hours and I feel like complete garbage. I put on makeup to go to shoppers to get cough medicine to make myself feel better but tbh…

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LIFE SCHOOL OF LIFE

School Yourself! Life is One Big Lesson

School Yourself! Life is One Big Lesson

Seeing so many school photos today made it feel like back to school. The craziest thing for me is seeing friends who have kids that are the age they were when I met them. It’s so weird/cool I guess? Gah, how old am I, I still feel young! Still learning new things all the time, excited about life. This week is an exciting one with all kinds of new experiences and people. Today I am going to the TIFF Stylist Box and then attending Toronto Fashion Week for a show. It all kind of gives me anxiety but this year I’m trying harder than last to prepare, plan accordingly, and not stay out too late. Today felt kind of like back to school because I saw hundreds of kids! Mostly on FB but we also went to Em’s first day, which is exciting. One of my friends said that she has to listen to songs for children on the way to school with her kids in the car. They love listening to these songs because they’re educational, and most of their friends listen to them as well. School has changed a lot, there were no videos like that for us to listen to when we were younger! Now that I think back to actually being in school, I really liked it. I mean, I still left all my projects to the last minute and dragged on doing homework but it was great! School teaches you so many things you don’t learn in class. Problem-solving, giving and taking constructive feedback, working in teams, being a leader, creating. Sometimes I see myself teaching, although that would be kinda like going back to school. But then I think about those who can’t, teach’ and I’m like no way. Maybe just a couple classes…

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LIFE SASSOON TORONTO

Interview w/ Sassoon Toronto’s Kimberly Wallace + #SassoonStyle Giveaway!

Interview w/ Sassoon Toronto’s Kimberly Wallace + #SassoonStyle Giveaway!

I’m sitting at Sassoon interviewing Kimberly Wallace while she does my hair. I’ve been coming to Sassoon since the start of 2017 and she’s my favourite colourist here. I’ve been following her on Instagram so we instantly start talking about the event I was at last night, her changing hair colours, and all the time I’ve spent at the cottage this summer. Safe to say there are lots of laughs and good chats every single time we’re together. I asked Kimberly a few questions about trends and tips to keep your hair healthy and happy. Interview w/ Sassoon Colorist: Kimberly Wallace What type of shampoo/conditioner do you recommend for my type of hair and why? Colour safe shampoo ex Kerastase Chroma Riche, because it’s for colour treated or highlighted hair. Great for blondes! What are trends you see for hair and beauty this summer? I’m finding that lived-in colour, balayage, ombre, are very popular.  Looks that are low maintenance. That way, you can feel like your hair is sunkissed but you don’t have to come into the salon every 4-6 weeks. What is one hair tip that I can share with the world? Be realistic with your hair goals. For example, if you have thick dark hair like Kim Kardashian and you want to go blonde in an afternoon, it’s not going to happen in one session. Or asking for pink hair but have brown colour, that’s not going to happen in one session either. Another thing to note is pastel colours are great but they only last two weeks. Instagram filters and editing can be deceiving, what you see isn’t always what’s real! (We chatted about how the Instagram is sometimes a web of lies, don’t believe everything you see on IG!) Being blonde is a full time job! A post shared…

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Inspiration

You Can Achieve Anything You Want If You Work At It

You Can Achieve Anything You Want If You Work At It

I found this photo in a box of tax receipts and it gave me such a warm feeling. I’m pretty sure mum has this costume still hanging up in a closet at home. When I was about 9 my jazz class did a competition number to the Inspector Gadget song and to this day I still remember some of it. I spent heaps of time at the dance studio as a kid. I started ballet around 3 and a half, had my first recital at 5, and spent a few years competing. I went all over Ontario, NY, and the National American Dance Championships in South Carolina a couple times. I distinctly remember times ballet was hard. Sometimes I hated it. I’d be crying after class, begging mum to let me quit. But she never did. And thank god for that. Although it was tough, dance taught me so much. It taught me hold my head high when I walk, how to enter a room, how to be on stage. I learned to not give up. I’m so thankful for the decade I spent dancing as kid. For my teacher Miss Lisa at Meyerhofer Academy in Cambridge. I’m grateful for mum who taught me to persevere through all the tough times. Also thankful for all the late nights, mum sat at the kitchen table making ballet skirts for the studio to pay for it. As I get older ,I appreciate more and more the hard work I put in when I was younger. This week Emily and I signed up for Tae Kwon Do. It’s her first go and my first time back in 20 years. [Side note: WHERE DID THE TIME GO, HOW AM I THAT OLD?]  TDK is another thing I spent a few years doing that taught me so much.  I have my green belt, won an Ontario trophy for…

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Writing

Hi Mum, I just called to say thanks.

Hi Mum, I just called to say thanks.

Today I rung mum at work and I think she must have been busy because she seemed a little surprised when I said ‘hi mum’. I told her I was calling to say thank you for having me and being so supportive. She didn’t have a lot of time to talk but I wanted to thank her for everything. To tell her I love calling her all the time when something exciting happens and I can’t tell anyone else or they just wouldn’t feel as excited as her. For all the times she stayed up late sewing ballet skirts to sell at the studio so she could afford our dance classes. For driving to all those dance competitions, skiing, skating, birthday parties, recitals, modelling, tae kwon do, and to all my friends houses for sleepovers. For showing me how to bake and encouraging me to make things in the kitchen, thank you. For embracing my weirdness and letting me wear what I want as a child no matter how bizarre the neighbours thought she was for doing to it. For putting us in summer reading club at the library. For all the work that went in to creating JEANS Publishing company and helping me write that book as a young teenager because I know it was shit ton of work and late nights (for her). For teaching me to work hard and not listen to anyone who says ‘you can’t do that’. Your strong attitude is with me everyday and I carry it close to my heart and I hear your voice in my head. For teaching me to be tough and know how to throw a damn good punch (whoops!) and studying Tae Kwon Do together. For getting me braces because you knew that my smile would bring joy to other people and I…

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LIFE JOURNAL

Waiting for it, that green light.

Waiting for it, that green light.

I wasn’t really feeling like myself today. I don’t really know what it was but there’s a good chance it had something to do with the drinks Sarah and I had AFTER seeing Book of Mormon last night. It was totally hilarious, highly recommend. So funny. I slept in and dragged myself most the day except for the amazing creative idea Shawn Hawaii  (A+ real estate agent!) and I had in the middle of the day for a 12th anniversary blog party next month. After doing some planning I started having anxiety about the whole thing and thought maybe it’s silly to plan a huge party for myself? For the blog? (This idea is really good tho and it would be SO FUN.) It’s a lot of work and might be expensive, but it’ll also be a huge thank you to everyone who’s been part of the blog all these years. You reading right now and every other set of beautiful eyes that’s ever graced these pages (web pages ?). All the agency people I’ve made friends with and so many great clients. All my friends from the internet (which is actually real life because they are the same thing but you know what I mean). It would be so wonderful to see everyone and their smiling faces in a room. I might even cry if that happens. Happy tears! ? Being on the internet is hard sometimes and other times it’s awesome. Theres days when I daydream what it is like to be a person who doesn’t Facebook or check notifications. Someone who can go for a walk without checking their phone or taking a photos. I mean I can do that, I just don’t. In other news, there’s new LORDE. New Zealand represent. Love her. 

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HIGH TEA HIGH TEA

My Blog is 12 years old in a month. Here are some thoughts I have about blogging.

My Blog is 12 years old in a month. Here are some thoughts I have about blogging.

Someone asked me the other day ‘If I knew what blogging would turn into now would I do it over?’ These questions are kinda dumb because they could never happen and are totally hypothetical in an alternate reality that doesn’t exist.   HOWEVER…I don’t think I’d start now if I hadn’t started over a decade ago. Not for the thousands of hours at events and meeting people, or what feels like a million nights alone at my computer. Sometimes my hands actually hurt from scrolling. BUT maybe I would for the trips and the stuff, if I tally it up it really does seem kinda glamorous. I feel like that though, is why a lot of people start these days which is totally backwards. It also shows when you try that hard, it looks desperate. Clinging to any ol’ brand that’ll throw you (budget) bone or some free face cream.  A blog isn’t just a money maker, a way to get ‘free stuff’, it takes a lot of work. I only started making money in the last couple years, and for most of the years I made less than zero many months and other jobs kept me afloat. (BTW, I still have other jobs, I’m producer/director at the 1188 studio and have a speaker agent) It was always a hustle and I thought about quitting so many times that I never even told you about.  I started a blog to keep a diary about my life because I have a sh*t memory and to be honest, I was drinking a lot at the time and I would always forget things. These days, I scroll past posts on IG or FB and literally shake my head saying ‘what the f*ck?’  Someone promoting healthy one day and then fast food the next, or every alcohol, and every brand of shoes. How the hell do you build brand loyalty or a…

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LIFE

Putting Your Best Face Forward w/ Dr. Lisa Kellett

Putting Your Best Face Forward w/ Dr. Lisa Kellett

This year I turned 34, I know, hard to believe! I’ve always had a young youthful spirit and boundless energy, think back to the other weekend when I drew all over my bag for the Ford adventure. Mum had a chuckle when I showed her this photo, sometimes I’m still 8 years old. I have been noticing a few flaws in my skin as I’ve aged and while it’s normal, I wanted to take measures to prevent it from getting worse. A few of my friends suggested an austin cosmetic surgeon but a few months ago I was given the opportunity to learn about Emervel, a soft dermal filler for dealing with fine lines and wrinkles. It’s used most for enhancing lips and minimizing the signs of ageing. For a professional procedure, Nurse Bec, at Injectable Effects, can perform dermal filler treatments on clients looking to regain youthful looking skin. It was good timing because I’ve had more chats about ‘enhancing’ beauty at events over the last year than ever. Earlier this year I shared the Emervel Kissability report with info on plumping up your pout. YouTube Canada gave me some stats about beauty & fashion trends on the rise, three of the top beauty trends are eyelash extensions, eyebrow filler, and lipstick. Canada also ranks 3rd worldwide for ‘lip filler’ which had a big spike last year and continues to grow. According to dermatologist Dr. Lisa Kellett, “Emervel Lips helps achieve a balanced and harmonious look, and, combined with other products in the Emervel line, can give the face a more youthful and rejuvenated appearance. Patients are very satisfied with the natural-looking and long-lasting results.” I made an appt with Dr. Lisa Kellett for a consultation without knowing too much but I was interested in seeing about minimizing smile…

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