That’s just it. Sometimes I don’t fee like blogging or tweeting or sharing anything with you or anyone. I’m human, as much as try not to be, I am. But then, how do I deal with those feelings? I write about it, here. Can you believe I considered starting a paper/pen jounal about my feelings. this morning. Uhh, hellooooo? To be honest with you, every once in a while I feel completely overwhelmed by the internet. It’s partly because I’m doing what I really love doing and I created it this way and now I have to deal with all the stuff that comes with it. It get’s heavy sometimes. This week I got a couple really nice emails from people I’ve never met thanking me for what I do. Those really make me feel awesome.  Do you like reading that stuff? Sometimes I feel like quitting and doing a regular jobby workin’ 9-5’er. I have that feeling for about five minutes until I realise I couldn’t really get away with this outfit and creative tears start burning my face. In other news, I’m working on some really fun stuff that I can’t wait to share with you. Thank you for listening and reading and visiting. Please don’t be shy to comment, I like it. You can also email me if you are comment shy. Have an awesome day, whatever it is you’re up to!

sometimes i don’t feel like it. updating the internet. sharing my life. sometimes i want to just escape and be like one of those people who doesn’t even have a facebook. who calls their friends on the phone and hangs out in person with only a small group of friends. sometimes i just want to stop blogging and i think why, why do i share things i do and who really cares anyways? sometimes i just want to escape the internet and read more books and play outside. retreat to a cabin in the woods and smell fresh air and listen to the sounds of leaves blowing in the wind… …and then… someone sends me an email or a private message and tells me that i inspired them or they relate to me or that i helped them get through something. that’s when i snap out of not feeling like it and realize that i love it more than anything. sharing makes me happy and i hope it does you too ♥ have a wonderful day filled with smiles, love and friends xo

Internetting. I just wanna shut it all off sometimes.  Hide away, wrap my wings over me and disappear. It’s not easy sharing  yourself all the time. Sometimes you don’t get much back and you feel like your energy vessel is depleated. You get invited to all kinda of cool parties and people recognize you and ask to internview you and stuff but what they don’t know is you really spend heaps of time alone. So sometimes I take myself on walks and we lay in the grass together and stare at the sky imaging things were different or how things cold be worse, be better.  I talk things out with myself in my head and set goals and think of things I can do to make the most of each and every single day. If I don’t take time to hang out alone I get cranky. I need self time. My mind needs time to shut down and relax. It’s these little moments where my batteries get recharged and before I know it I’m back at my computer with 28 windows open sharing all over the place and reaching for my phone to Tweet. We all have those days I guess. Don’t we?

I’ve been laying low the last month, posting less, staying in. I just haven’t felt like it. The other day I wrote down something I overheard Sean said on the phone when someone asked how things were, he said “a mix of awesome and shitty“. It stuck with me, that’s how I’ve been feeling the last month. On November 21st I was given a prestigious award from the President of Conestoga College, Alumni of Distinction. It was a proud moment when I sat at the back of the crowd with my mum and my ‘Fairy Godmother‘ (mum’s best friend) who watched me walk up and make a speech in front of the group. It felt amazing to be recognized for my career, not something that was voted on by social media but actually recognized by people older than me who didn’t really know me personally.  This part of the night was awesome.  It was really cold that night we were happy to get home and cheers over a glass of wine. We were all filled with such excitement. We weren’t up late but I went outside for a minute before bed. This part of the night was shitty. I slipped on some ice on the concrete stairs outside mum’s house. I fell on the concrete steps resulting in a black eye and later found out I fractured my collarbone. I went to the doctor the next day, swollen and bruised. I got acupuncture. I felt like garbage, how could this happen? I barely remember falling, mum holding frozen peas on my head, the drive back home the following day. I tried to hide it, act like nothing was wrong. I covered up my face, wore glasses, stayed home from events. As for my shoulder, it was 1 week and a trip to New Orleans before I thought, ‘ I really…

I can’t stop thinking about this movie. It’s the sharing that sometimes creeps me out. The ‘onlineness’ of my life. That movie got me thinking about privacy and openness. I obviously don’t mind being open and sharing about my life and thought to myself, ‘where do I draw the line?’ Where do you draw the line? Is there even a line? Do I care about a line? I leave out certain things from you, the internet, my friends, things like sex, dating, my family, pretty much any problems I have as well as feelings of sadness/anger. Would I be more real if I shared all that? Am I less real because I don’t? To a bunch of people, I’m a girl from the internet, possibly someone they (you)  feel connected to but have never met. On the other hand, there’s many people I’ve met via Twitter who know me, but don’t really know me at all. It boggles my mind when I think about our world sometimes. Everyone is so connected. I feed on connections with people. I need them.  I’m sitting at my desk as I write this with a external monitor for my netbook (two screens going) while my iPad is beside me (anbother screen) and my phone beside that (four screens). All have twitter running and multilple email accounts and the second I hear a sound from one of them my attention is captured. Maybe that’s it right there, my attention is captured by the internet, by you. I don’t really know how I feel about the future of the internet but I like it. Even if it makes me feel funny sometimes. It’s a crazy world we live in. We live in public. This is what I did last night… I took a break from work…