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Day 20: Good Kid, Mad Hope

Day 19: Find the Sun

It was nice & sunny today. Woke up early and did a morning workout in front of the fire. I started my onion fabric dye bath and this sweater will be yellow-ish by tomorrow.

Emily has been working on her blog. I’m so proud! She’s adding a link to my blog in her post today.

Had a nice walk in the afternoon. Made banana bread. Had poutine for dinner. Went back on HouseParty after a few days. Nice sunset. The lake is melting.

This whole isolation thing is starting to get to me. I wonder who long it will be like this?

Feels good to have a shower and get dressed in regular clothes. Y’know?

Day 18: Reach Out

Before isolation, I’d been going to the gym 5-7 days/week between 6-7 am from November to March. Over that time, I gained muscle, confidence, a new attitude, and lost 25Lbs. I wasn’t happy with who I was for a long time before I started working out. I was overwhelmed and burnt out. April 2020 marks 15 years of my blog and I’ve spent that whole time being online, sharing my life, and being social. I was tired and needed change. Part of that process was growing out my hair, it’s getting kinda wild. My new hair inspo is Debby Harry!

Got a surprise call from Sergio and it was so nice! I love how technology is bringing us together during this weird time. I am here for calls from friends near and far, anytime, on any platform. I’m available, reach out. ?

If you need or want to escape I will take you for a walk in the woods.

Did some work on my garden and it’s coming along. The lettuce is enough ‘for a garnish‘ as Sean calls it. The celery making some moves too.

I saw the news that said ‘Don’t Go To Your Cottage’ and I have anxiety that we’re gonna get cottage shamed. We’ve been here for three weeks, we are staying and isolated. Having things delivered, minimal trips to town. We come up here all year and there’s lots of work to be done. It’s the best place for us to be right now.

Emily and I went for a nice walk in the woods about 4k. Today was a pretty good day. It’s been really nice watching winter melt away, things are starting to bloom, and there’s no ice on the road.

I hope the sun comes out tomorrow.

Day 17: Opportunity

Today I slept in a bit (8am!) and woke up feeling better. It’s amazing the difference a day makes. I need to set a reminder that this situation isn’t permanent.

Last night Sean said to me, “we have the opportunity to make this the best, most memorable experience“. It helped shift my perspective, creating space to think differently. I chatted with a friend who has a child the same age as Em, she inspired me to take a more relaxed approach to the whole home education thing. The school stuff will work itself out and until then we’ll wing it.

We have an opportunity to teach Em the things we know, how we work, life skills, gardening, cooking, making stuff. This situation is already stressful, we will figure out what works as we go. There are heaps of resources out there and the teachers are working to have online class material available. I made a Google Doc with a bunch of online stuff to do, you can access it here.

The ice is starting to melt. Mum, don’t worry we won’t go out there! You can’t see it but there is a concrete dock under where Sean is standing.

After breakfast, I worked with her to create a WordPress blog for her art. We talked about brainstorming, branding, I showed her fonts, hex colours etc. I work from the kitchen table so it was natural to sit and blog. She has been working on designing images and it’s nice to see her excited.

We made a TikTok and I had her show me do most of it, she knows the app better than I do. (FOR NOW, haha.) I watched a YouTube on how to add VO to TikTok using screen capture on iPhone for another video. We dyed her hair in the middle of making this, which I now realize is hard to tell. I will pay more attention to the production of our next video. ?

@casiestewart

This is our first one lol ##iusedtobesobeautiful ##foryoupage ##fyp @pasta_chan

♬ Absolutely Anything (feat. Or3o) – CG5

I finished my March challenge in NTC after not running for a few days. I’m looking forward to smashing Amy’s challenge next month w/ 45K, I want to do 50. Her January challenge was ‘A KM a day keeps the Dr. away’ and February’s 35K was ‘Love Yourself Month’.

Last night I made banana bread and today Sean is making dough for pizza. Everyone is isolation is doing the same things and I love it. This is a good read in The Star featuring my friend Jeremy Potvin. I love this idea from him, tasks to pass the time. I’ll look into bread making for tomorrow.

“It helps build a routine. At home, I make a goal of finishing a certain number of tasks before I do the next turn on the bread.”

Jeremy Potvin (Weedbox / EspressoDeals)

Did you watch this video today? It’s so good.

As we go through this together we’re learning new things, adapting, and changing how we live our lives. A silver lining to this pandemic is learning to make and grow things and how to communicating with the people we care about.

WE WILL BE OK.

Day 16: Challenges

When I was a kid my mum made this rule that if my sister or I had a friend over, we would both have a friend or some mix of friends to make it an even number. She started this because if only one sister had a friend over, someone from the group was left out and would end up upset, left out, angry, or crying.

For a long time, until my mid 20’s, I would never do things in threes. Even the simplest things like eating nuggets, buying things, or actions I had to repeat, it was almost always two or four. I was conscious of it daily. I’d hold back on eating something if it made it three or I’d have two more to make it four. I hated things in three, I avoided it wherever I could.

When I was 18, I dated a guy for two years and three was his baseball number, I tried to like the number but it was never going to work out. I carried my fear of three (Triskaphobia) until I was about 26 and then one day, I decided to stop.

My grandad always said 13 was lucky and one day I made a tattoo appt for Friday the 13th. I had drawn it on paper, sixteen evenly placed dots to go on my left forearm. Eight dots of two different custom shades of green, two by two, in a pattern around my arm like a beaded bracelet. Sixteen, a square number, two times my birthday number 8, the fourth power of two.

Since that Friday the 13th, I have been tattooed on that day a bunch of times. This month, Friday the 13th was my last day out and about in the world before isolation diary started. Today was our first full day up at the cottage with Sean’s daughter and I felt that fear of three sneaking back in like when I was a kid.

Today was challenging. I am finding it hard to stay calm and positive. As much as I am outgoing and fun, I crave order and structure. Dealing with this pandemic is challenging. Being an entrepreneur, a partner, a parent, they’re all tough jobs and they’re even harder right now. Also, being a pre-teen girl and living with one has its challenges. Living in the age of the internet comes with challenges. Living through a global pandemic where nobody really knows what going on, while isolated, has a lot of challenges. Trying to stay calm and not freak the F out right now is challenging.

We are all in this together and we’re also all figuring out how to adjust on our own. I don’t know how to do this. I am trying. Behind the smiling selfies and colourful photos, there are challenges that I’m facing too.

Writing has always been there for me. It helps me deal with my feelings, to remember them, to learn, to move, change, and grow. I’ve been writing here for 15 years and never imagined I’d be documenting this situation that feels like a movie, but it’s not.

I feel a weighted blanket of anxiety on my chest and it’s heavy.

I went for a long walk in the woods, to the end of the road, then a bit further. It was eerie and quiet. The only sound was nature, moving and melting. I was about 1.5k from home when it started raining, so I turned back, and let the rain wash over me.

I don’t know how long this will last, how the world will change, or if anything will go back to the normal we used to know.

I do know that tomorrow is a new day. I am responsible for facing my fears and challenges, just like I did with the 16 evenly spaced dots on my left arm, that one Friday the 13th.

We will get through this.

Day 15: Stocking Up

Today we went to the city with the trailer to get supplies, my plants, our bikes, and Emily. Having new clothes feels like a dream. This pose is inspired by my friend Maca in Montreal, she always takes these at her studio. Check her out at @hey.maca! You will love her. Read my post on IG, maybe you have some tips to share!?

The drive was a breeze because there was no traffic. It was pretty weird to be on the roads with so few people.

We picked up Emily from her mum’s and she got in the car with fresh baked cookies, homemade soup, and fresh ice tea. It is really great to have a supportive co-parent team, especially now. Her mum also sent a folder with lessons, a schedule and some work she’s completed. I am so thankful! Despite my efforts to plan, I’m not a homeschool expert so teamwork is key. We are all figuring this out as we go.

Sean stopped into both offices to get some gear while I packed up all our remaining food and got everything on our list at the house. I put most of my plants into two big bins and I can’t believe how much I missed them. Is that weird?

I was pretty surprised to see how busy the neighborhood was, SOOO many people out walking, riding bikes, two families playing soccer with their kids’ in the courtyard. Do people not understand STAY TF HOME? Do you want this all to be over? Yes? Ok, stay home pls. The curve is not flattening!

Maybe this will help? Briony wrote a book inspired by Go The F*ck to Sleep and had some of her friends read it.

I am stoked to have my Apple Pencil to work on a letting course I started last year. I packed heaps of art supplies, my tap shoes, a light-up skipping rope, clothes, and a ton of beauty products. Apparently being a hoarder all these years is coming in handy!

PLS STAY HOME. TY, BYEEEE!