CASIE STEWART
THIS IS MY LIFE • BLOG EST. 2005
LIFE IN THE CLOUD

Day 445: Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #21

Day 445: Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #21

It’s been a little while since I updated and to be honest, I just didn’t feel like it. Over the last 20 days, I often opened WordPress to write so many times but ended up saving drafts, only counting the days. The last 2 weeks have been hard, we’re still in lockdown, I haven’t been vaccinated, I miss my parents, going places, doing things. Sometimes I just don’t feel like it, being on the internet, sharing my life. Over the years I’ve written 20 posts with this same title, you can read them here. Work is going good and I’ve finally gotten into the groove of being an employee, it took 8-10 weeks. I hadn’t worked full-time since 2013 so it was quite an adjustment. I really love the work I’m doing and can’t wait to share an exciting project. I’ve been riding my bike a lot lately, and going for walks after work, seeing friends in the park. It’s the only thing keeping me sane! With the pandemic, work, relationships, family, and general anxiety, I haven’t felt like sharing here. I still post something to my IG Stories most days, Instagram, or pop up on Twitter but each time I went to write, I couldn’t do it. I’d been on such a good run with blogging for the past year and was feeling down about not posting. I really enjoy blogging but I feel like this year caught up with over me the last few weeks. I missed a few days, then it felt like a lot to catch up on and before I knew it, it was almost a month. I’m keen to update the last couple of weeks so I have memories to look at. Journaling is such a beautiful thing and once I started writing this,…

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Day 38: Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #20

Day 38: Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #20

Fitting that the 20th post in this series is being written in 2020. It’s been a while since I wrote one of these. This year started out pretty good, we woke up January 1st at the cottage and six days later I was in Cuba. The month flew by and I saw a lot of friends in February. Little did we know what March would bring and now, April is almost over and the world is a different place. We’re in a global pandemic, the death toll is rising everyday, people are out of work, businesses are collapsing. Yesterday 19 22 people died in a mass shooting in Nova Scotia. It’s a lot to process. I feel tired, sad, grief. I woke up overwhelmed by it all. I’m cold, my arm aches, maybe it’s the weather? I didn’t workout today. All I want to do is lay on the couch, read, or watch a movie that makes me feel warm inside. Around noon, I pulled myself together and put on a nicer sweatsuit for a trip to the post office. It was the first time I’d driven somewhere alone since lockdown. My weighted blanket of anxiety was heavy on my chest as I got in the truck and backed out the driveway. Why did I feel so nervous? I’m an experienced driver, I’ve driven the truck on the these roads heaps. I had a mask and gloves, my tracking numbers. You have to mentally and physically prepare every time you leave the house right now, plan your route, give yourself extra time. It’s hard to adjust to the way things are right now. Some days I’m happy in the isolation bubble, creating, making things, then days like today, it all hits me and I’m filled with anxiety. It’s ok to…

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Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #19 – It’s Ok.

Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #19 – It’s Ok.

You would think that after being away at the cottage for nearly two weeks I’d be clear-headed and ready to hit the ground running but I’M NOT. I’m distracted, frustrated, and wondering what I’m doing with my life! I played this song yesterday and sang out loud in my room. I’m just not sure what to do! I thought a lot about what I’ve been working on the last while and I don’t really want to do the same stuff anymore. I need a shift. Change. Check back in a week, maybe I’ll feel different, maybe I’ll feel same?

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Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #18

Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #18

I had a dream last night that I lived somewhere else. Somewhere without wifi and lots of plant life. It was beautiful and the air smelled warm and sweet. Kind of like the other side of Paihia Beach where the manuka honey grows. The waves crash on the rocks with such gusto it makes you scared for your life but you breathe it in. Sometimes when I need to calm down I think of that and take a deep breath.

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Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #17

Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #17

Next month my blog is 14 years old, can you believe that? I’ve been building my little piece of the internet and sharing stories longer than the time I’ve had this blog. Before WordPress, there was Blogger, MySpace, and MSN Spaces. I love sharing and being an ‘internet person’ but it can take a toll on you. I love it most the time, but sometimes, I don‘t feel like it. It’s Not Easy Being On The Internet It’s crazy the things people say on the internet when they’ve got a screen barrier to give them extra confidence. Often forgetting there’s a human on the other side, manning the comments. Like, a real human being with feelings. One little comment can stay in your head all day or a tweet can jump right through the screen and punch you in the heart. The other day I tweeted how ‘Having a sister is legit the best.” and a friend replied, “Yes it was”. I had to fight back tears. I know he lost his sister and maybe was having a hard day, I was too. I couldn’t get it out of my head. I called my sister crying. This comment made me think how ‘influencer culture’ has kinda made the internet worse. This was in response to a post I shared about #PinkShirtDay with Telus. I didn’t have to post about it, I wanted to. Telus has a great program and is invested in making a difference in communities across Canada. I love this about them. It seems like everything is sponsored these days. Is it bad? I don’t know! To each their own! We all have the ability to curate our feeds and if you think someone has too many sponsored posts, mute or unfollow them. Your feed, your life. I started…

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LIFE Home Sweet Home

Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #15

Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #15

I didn’t realize how many days it has been since I blogged. There’s a handful of photos ready to publish in posts with no words. I haven’t had them to write. I mean they’re always floating around my head and in notes on my phone. Sometimes I don’t feel like sharing. It all sounds so dramatic when I write it down, I’ve just been working on other stuff.  A whole life happens behind scenes of a blog, with clients, speaking, freelance writing, new work, family time. This weather is 100% not helping my desire to stay cooped up in the house though. Binge-watching show after show, I’ve only gone to the store 1 block away since Sunday. Yesterday I watched a season and a half of Doctor Foster on Netflix. Today I’m going to make date scones and spaghetti bolognese.   It’s ok to stay inside. It’s ok to not want to share on social media. It’s cool to spend heaps of time hibernating and feeding your soul. Soon enough spring will come and we’ll all be outside spinning in the sunshine. I think of those days and feel warm inside. Until then, I’m ok staying cooped up in the house and keep a little quiet, low key. And here we go, it’s SNOWING AGAIN…    

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Sometimes I don’t feel like it #14

Sometimes I don’t feel like it #14

I started this post in the spring and it’s been sitting in drafts for a while. Sometimes I just don’t feel like it. I love writing and blogging but sometimes I really don’t feel like sharing my life online. It’s the social media that stresses me out.  I daydream and think about people who just go to work and don’t have Facebook, they walk in a crowd listening to music never thinking about sharing it or seeing someone from Instagram. They don’t have to pretend they didn’t see that person they’re friends with on Facebook, passing them on the street.  I don’t remember what that’s like. I know I created this, but that doesn’t mean it’s not overwhelming sometimes. The world of social media and the internet have blown the F UP. Everyone and their dog has a blog or Instagram now. It’s almost impossible to avoid. I try though. I spend heaps of time up at the cottage, in the wilderness, I’ve been taking more breaks, but then I get anxiety because I haven’t posted. If you’re having a bad day or not feeling well, social media can be the worst, endless scrolling of perfect lives and happy faces.  And even though you know it’s not all ‘really’ like that all the time, it can get to you. Last week when I was sick I felt like garbage on the outside and social media was not helping, I started feeling like garbage on the inside, about myself. This weekend I shaved my head and cut off all the blonde. At first, I felt liberated and free, riding my bike home from the barber after yoga, sun on my face. Then, I kinda panicked like omg what have I done. I also decided I really don’t like my natural mousey hair…

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Blog Life: Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #12

Blog Life: Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #12

Yesterday I updated the look of this ol’ bloggy and it’s really making me happy. Over the past 6 months I’ve been working lots (which is good but tiring), recovered from a major surgery, and was in a car accident. I don’t usually share much the blarghhhh days I but there’s been a few lately. It’s not ALLLL sunshine and rainbows, I am HUMAN!  I feel like post-election world has been really getting me down. Every single time you turn on the tv, internet, Facebook bad sh*t is happening. It’s sad and exhausting. ? Do you ever just feel like you need a f’n break?! AND THEN, on the opposite end of the spectrum you scroll FB/IG and it seems like people have these perfect lives. Last night I spoke on a panel about beauty & aging and something I mentioned is the ‘Facebook Self’ we all put out there. You know the one I mean! The curated version of beautiful photos, the clean house, smiling well-behaved children, the perfect meal etc. Well LIFE ISN’T ALWAYS LIKE THAT. It’s messy lol. I hardly ever share the house bc there’s always a clothes pile somewhere. Pile on the holidays and it’s all kinda overwhelming. This weekend I’m volunteering to serve lunch to 80-100 in need at a mission with some friends. I’ve been looking forward to it all week. Bringing joy to others, you can’t help but have some yourself. Sunday I’m part of a big ‘Boss Babes Brunch’ w/ some power ladies which will be fun and inspiring.  With my recent obsession for Amazon I got a huge ring light and photo setup for home so I will be playing with that too. This post is #12 in a series of blogposts I’ve written when I don’t really feel like blogging. I find blogging about it helps…

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Blog Life: Sometimes I don’t feel like it. #11

Blog Life: Sometimes I don’t feel like it. #11

I know today is Bell Let’s Talk day and I’m not sure how to talk about the depression and anxiety that I face or if I even want to. Being on the Internet in itself gives me anxiety. Some days I just don’t feel like it at all, written about it a few times.  Sometimes I want to hide and pretend I don’t even have a blog. (Or Twitter, tumblr, Facebook, Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, Selfish, Rdio, Google+, Vine, or phone.) I like keeping to myself on on those days, not sharing stories.  Being alone. My dad battled depression growing up and it was really hard for our family. He moved back to New Zealand to be with his family when my parents split up and it was tough for us. It sill is sometimes. * Thanks Andrew Mitchell for drawing this photo of me. I love it.   I want you to know that I too have days when I’m down and I’ve been through some very dark times and almost not made it through. It’s not always sunny where I am but I do try to bring my own sunshine to the internet each and every single time I make an appearance. My blog is a place you can count on to have bright colours and a fun photo. It’s helpful for me to look back and remember the good times too. This is a place to make you feel happy when a cloud tries to rain on your parade. I’ve worked through a bunch of sad days wondering what to do with my life and I made it through. Don’t ever give up. I wanted to quit blogging a few times over the last 10 years and I am damn well glad I didn’t. I want you to know, I am actually happy most of the time and I…

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Blog life: Sometimes I don’t feel like it. #10

Blog life: Sometimes I don’t feel like it. #10

The last couple weeks have been very busy and it’s been a bit ghostly around here. In the last 4 weeks I returned from the trip a lifetime in Thailand, started a new job, and before I knew it the holidays were here. The number of blog posts this month has been significantly lower than normal. Every once in a while I publish a post with this same title, we’re up to 10 in 8 years so, as a daily blogger I think that’s not too bad. To be honest, having a blog is one of the best things in my life but it can be quite overwhelming at times. I’m planning a revamp for the new year so wait for it, it’s coming. I just needed a little break. I’m recharging my mental batteries and come January, I’ll be ready to rock. With love, CASIE Buy Soma without prescription Buy Strattera without prescription Buy Trazodone without prescription Buy Ventolin without prescription

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