Let’s Talk

Three events today. Ignore…. 33 Facebook notifications. Too many unread emails. Twitter notifications. Instagram notifications. Unread messages. It’s overwhelming. Then add on [that you’ve been keeping a public diary about your life for a decade and] all kinds of people who don’t really know you who think they ‘like totally’ know you because they’ve known you for 5+ years. They know about the cottage and people, places, things, thoughts. Boyfriends, birthdays, best friends. They’ve had babies and you’d recognize their kids now, but you don’t really know them. They know you, part of you, the sunshiney part where you’re always smiling and wearing bright colours, or going somewhere great looking good. They don’t see behind the screen, in the pile of clothes or messy closet. The days when you just can’t even, when you think about leaving the house. Or going to that event. When all you want to really do is stay home and cook in your kitchen or go to yoga because it makes you feel better. I feel like I need a break and maybe it’s the winter blues talking post vacation SAD*.  Maybe it’s because I’m on the waitlist for yoga at noon. Maybe it’s Time’s Up or Me Too. I don’t know. It’s freezing outside and blowing snow gives limited visibility. It’s also Bell Let’s Talk and Spring is just a few weeks away. It’s ok not to be ok. I’m not always ok. The last few weeks have been really hard. The trip to New Zealand was super fucking hard. My nana died and one of my uncles was being super controlling from the day I arrived to the point where I blocked him on Facebook. Travelling with your mum is not easy. I cried a lot for the first week of the trip. I cried…

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Tramping in New Zealand

OK, I know what you are thinking and I THOUGHT THE SAME THING. When I arrived in NZ we picked up the rental car at the airport. Next, we pulled into a parking lot at the airport to change into summer clothes. I took a few laps of the airport to get used to right-hand drive and being on the other side of the road. I was fine.  I drove us down to the Viaduct in Auckland to look at the boats. [Mum is really into sailing and has a boat, sailed from Ontario to the Bahamas and lived there for a year.] We went into a sailing shop and I saw this mug… We walked out of the store and very serious I came close to mum, and whispered in her ear “mum, what is tramping?“ I was so serious. Tramping? What is a tramping club? Mum, WTF IS TRAMPING? Because to me, ‘tramping’ would be something to do with tramps or going out to find a man. Something you might have done in college that involved a lot of shots. Nothing I would ever do, now. In New Zealand… TRAMPING IS HIKING! Tramping, known elsewhere as backpacking, rambling, hill walking or bushwalking, is a popular activity in New Zealand. Tramping is defined as a recreational activity involving walking over rough country. Wikipedia WELL, THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW. Here I am thinking something bad and it’s totally hiking.  So, I went tramping on Piha beach and it was AMAZING.

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Rest in Peace, Betty

Last night when the plane landed I received a text saying that nana had passed away. Mum and I left SF and I guess around that same time in NZ, Betty passed peacefully.  In a message from my auntie, she said ‘we were all in-flight together’. It was hard being there and seeing her struggling to eat or sit up. Nursing homes have this old smell and it is sad seeing people in their last days of life. It was my first time experiencing that and I felt sad but I wanted to be there, yet part of me wanted to run away from it. It gives you all these conflicting feelings about life and death, sprinkle that with a bit of family drama and it would give anyone anxiety. I’ve spent my whole life on the other side of the world from my family and not been there for any death or sickness. This trip was the first time I’d been there to experience something like this with relatives. We visited nana each day I was there in Palmerston North and mum stayed an extra week to be with her. I took photos and printed one of her and mum, then put it in a frame to put beside nana’s bed. Mum went through some of nana’s things and we all took a few mementoes to remember her. I painted her nails and did her lipstick. We told stories about Canada and our families here. Mum put some nice cream on her frail dry hands. I’m so glad we were able to be there with her in those final days, especially mum. I can only imagine how hard it was for her. Seeing her, and also leaving her. Betty was a strong woman. Always dressed well and wore lipstick. Her hair was always permed with…

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JUST HOLD ON WE’RE GOING HOME: live blog from 35,000ft!

Helloo! I’m on United flight 916 from Auckland, New Zealand to San Francisco, California. Mum and I are watching Battle of the Sexes movie about the Billie Jean King story. For years I’ve had a Billie Jean King quote framed on my wall that was given to me by mum when I was a teenager. Perfect timing for this movie considering what’s happening in the world right now. As the plane took off I put through an order for a ‘Time’s Up’ shirt via PayPal on my phone. Mum thought that was pretty cool and such a ‘me’ thing to do as the plane was taking off. As we were boarding I got a notification a new game of HQ Trivia was starting. I’ve got mum hooked on it this trip. We haven’t got higher than 7 questions but what does it matter?! we both love Scotty (the hilar host) and we have a bunch of laughs every single time. Passport in 1 hand @ScottRogowsky in the other. Boarding in AKL heading to SFO! HQ BABYYYYYY! pic.twitter.com/JJPK4vzzI7 — CASIE STEWART ☀️ (@casiestewart) January 15, 2018 Before driving to the airport I bought 2 books of stamps and sent off a pile of postcards I’ve written this trip. I asked people to give me their address and also sent them to people I’ve worked with or haven’t seen in a while. I love travelling so much. Sending postcards is something I’ve been doing the last few years and it always makes me feel great writing them and sending sunshine to people around the world. Sent heaps of postcards before I came to the airport! ??☀️?✌??❤️ pic.twitter.com/pBNxGrS0wO — CASIE STEWART ☀️ (@casiestewart) January 15, 2018 This trip was really awesome. I saw parts of NZ I’ve always wanted to and spend a…

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On The Road Again: Palmerston North to Lake Taupo

I spent most of today in the car on a 3hr road trip from Palmerston North to Taupo. Woke up feeling a bit groggy from loud singing Adele with mum after an amazing dinner and few bottles of wine with my cousins. We had so much fun together last night. I love having my family close, getting to know them, making jokes together, them making fun of me, and laughing. This trip has been so exciting. I went to say my last goodbye to nana at the home this morning. She was doing better than yesterday but she’s had quite a decline from the first day I saw her over a week ago. Getting old is sad. Next, we visited my cousin Lisa and gave gifts to her three darling little daughters. It was nice. Lisa came to visit us in Canada when she was 9. Her and my sister used to look so much alike. Lisa is 1/2 Maori and beautiful. Mum is staying in Palmy this week to spend more time with her mum and I’m on the road alone. The best parts of my trip today were stopping at least 10 times to take photos and post things on the internet. A long drive on the open road is nice but I like to take photos so luckily for me, New Zealand has a lot of rest stops. Aside from driving on the other side of the road, it’s pretty challenging because the roads are narrow and twist and wind all over the place. You really have to concentrate. I had my GoPro along for the drive and haven’t even checked the card for that yet. I’m planning to do some data backup and management on the long, nearly 24-hour journey back to Canada. I stopped to take some…

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The Best Fish & Chips Come Wrapped in Paper

The last couple days have been so incredibly lovely. We’ve been staying with Catherine and having so many laughs. The first day we visited nana who was doing ok but she seem’s a bit better. My last update I was feeling super emotional, it was real talk. Happy to report I’m feeling much better now. I’ve been meeting up with cousins and getting to know my family and my heart is full of love. Yesterday we went to Himatangi Beach for a long walk and swim.  IT WAS AMAAAAAZING. Both my mum and dad used to go there heaps growing up. My granddad used to have a beach house but I didn’t know which one so I don’t have a photo lol. I walked along with mum, and my cousins Alec (dad), Margot (his daughter), and their two little Scottie dogs. It was so much fun. They call them ‘doggos’! We ran up and down the beach playing with the pups and walking on water while the tide was out. After we stripped down to our togs (kiwi for bathing suit!) and body surfed in the ocean. That night Alec invited us over for dinner and we had a good kiwi bbq w/ salad, potatoes, steak, sausages, and wine. Lots of wine! Mum drove home lol. We all told stories around the table and laughed our heads off. We had more wine back at the house with my other cousins and I loved every minute of it. Doing a good job of making up for lost time while I’m here. Did a pop by and made dinner plans for my mum’s twin brother’s daughter and her family next week (another cousin party!). Today we tried to go to yoga but it was closed for the week. It’s crazy how everything shuts down…

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