CASIE STEWART
THIS IS MY LIFE • BLOG EST. 2005
LIFE

tasty brain snack

tasty brain snack

Great sleep. Lots of rest. Following a bunch of new Tweeps. Sun is shining and it’s warm outside. I woke up thinking Zombie. I want to dress Zombie again. Did it a few times during October last year. I don’t like scary movies, blood, gore, surgery, guts, pretty much anything gross….but you put me in Zombie and I’m not even scared. Zombies eat brains.  Last year I went on my first Zombie walk. Starts in the pit at Trinity Bellwoods with hundreds of dead people then they climb out of the pit and take the streets.  Oh what fun it is to stride with all the bloody faces.  I put a bloody finger up my nose. It was sick. I’m gonna walk it again this year for sure.  I hope Karrera is back from BC. Soon as August rolls around I start thinking about Halloween. That’s my favorite day of the year. I love to dress up, I just love it.

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Art

some times i don’t feel like it

some times i don’t feel like it

I walked around for about an hour thinking about my life. I was having realizations and I felt like a crazy person. It was as if I was in a fog. I was having anxiety. Sometimes I freak out. Sometimes I don’t want to be on the internet anymore. Sometimes I don’t know what to do about stuff and sometimes I forget things.  I started freaking about my last minute trip to a foreign country. Panicked. Instant attack. I left the store. I walked down the street back in my own fog again.  I’m nervous about going but then think not going would be silly too. For a bunch of different reasons.  It’s a chance to relax and go some place  cool with bunch of cool old friends. Relax. I’m packing one bag;  one nice outfiit, one dress, one piece bathing suit, one yoga mat. This is the relax retreat. A true mini vacation/airport tour. Vanilla as some may say. I know when I come back Sunday I’ll have had lots of time with self.  I love traveling; airport, airplane, people, waiting, watching, thinking, moving.  I love being in motion.

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LIFE

take a look at yourself and make a change

take a look at yourself and make a change

Mum rung me while I was at the track and told me about MJ. I knew he went to the hospital and while I was biking he passed. Poor Farrah, will forever be remembered in the shadow of the world greatest pop icon. I realize now much I love him  when I look at photos,  listen and see him dance in videos. Jenie and I used to watch Much Music for hours and learn his moves and make up dances. We’ve got a stack of MJ collection cards at Mum’s from when we were kids.  He’s got dark black skin black and wearing the red leather jacket in some of them,  he looks hot. God, I love him, always will. Michka made a tribute picture and sent it to me this morning. She looks great as MJ.

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Writing

add some spice to your life already

add some spice to your life already

Girls were working out in the park.  They start in a circle then change formation to watch the teacher. I stopped to have a sit in the grass and relax.Needed to  cool down from the hot heat on the bike ride. Was tired on the bike today, really warm out today. Humid. Sat down for a cold refreshing one on the bench and felt calm.  Gonna get a new style today.The stuff is in my hair is hot and it feels like I’m in direct afternoon sunlight on a hot summer day.  It kinda burns a bit but it’s good.  I’m starting to get excited for Pride. I get talking about past times and all the girls start calling and we make plans.  OMG its so fun.  I love. Its hot, burning right now a bit. I love coming here. I was so crazy with a mind a racin’ that I wasn’t relaxed. Now I’m relaxed. Beautiful outside right now, lovely. I looked at your picture but it wasn’t you it was an inposter of you circa something. I laughed. Facebook on phone means double notifications and major annoyance. Don’t like it. Do like getting my hair done. The colour is setting in.  Its gonna be bright. I’m  gonna freak out at first like I always do then love it. It’s going to be perfect for the weekend. I love it.

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Writing

guess who came over?

guess who came over?

Her birthday is coming up and Grama wants to have a party. She’s turning 100. She loves to dance and get down. She doesn’t mind a few drinks or a toke either.   You’d never know how old she is by her body. I think she’s had work done but she’ll never tell us. This one time she came out for Halloween and she was a hit. All the boys were checking her out from behind and dancing with her. When she turned around, they were shocked to see her age all over her face.  Oh, Grama, you so funny. There’s a video of her…but it’s really quite creepy.

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LIFE

crazy going slowly am i

crazy going slowly am i

Sometimes I just can’t seem to relax. My mind races with a hundred thousand thoughts at a time and I lose my concentration and have no focus. I think there’s a good chance it might have to do with how much time I spend on the Internet soaking up information. My daily intake of news, facts, and randomness is very high. I constantly multitask and when I’m not on the Internet I have blackberry that receives three different emails, Blackberry Messenger and has wireless access.  I’m addicted to information. I’m very creative. My mind never stops. I think back to learning about entrepreneurs and how the really successful ones work their asses off.  That’s what you gotta do to get anywhere. I’ve been so busy lately and but not just going-places-busy, thoughts-process-busy. It’s really good and I like it but sometimes it gives me knots in my stomach and I feel like I’m going to puke. That’s how I felt this morning. I got up extra early so I could get to the office and check some things off my list before everyone else got in. The ride in was nice and my bike makes me feel free. I managed to get a bit ahead but I’ve still got a full day staring me in the face. Lunch meeting, after work meeting, concert, opening party, then finally bed. It’s days like this I sing the song from Sharon Lois and Bram and think it’s OK, you’re gonna be OK. It’s just another day.

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Writing

in this department

in this department

I’m feeling restless and I want to go to the beach. The sun is shining bright and I’m a little bit hungry. I went for a walk because I was so restless and sat on the artsy project bench and didn’t have anyone to talk to but myself. I could still hear something and I’m sure it’s my thoughts. They were racing around about all kinds of things that are real and not real and happening around me and inside my wild and vivid imagination. I walked into a spider web and it graced my face. No spiders thankfully. I want to lay in the grass and stretch my arms out really wide and feel the sun on my face. I want to relax. I want to write. I will do that this weekend. I hope it’s sunny. I really should check the weather network and download the app for Blackberry. A guy from the office sent and email in at 6 am today saying he quit. His team wasn’t really happy but there is part of me that admires him for leaving his desk clean and Blackberry in the top drawer last night before heading home. I sent him an email and it bounced back. Kinda funny, well, to me. Oh god I’m hungry now. Do you know my friend Elsa Cohen? She’s coming to visit from NYC soon.

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LIFE

it’s good be a crazy cool kiwi girl

it’s good be a crazy cool kiwi girl

About two yearsago I worked at Hemingways, a Kiwi pub in Toronto or a couple months.I was working away on the patio one night and had been watching Conchords on HBO non-stop for about a month. It was On Demand andI could not get enough of it. I saw this one guy who had the most uncanny resemblance to Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords. At the same time,  I had also been checking out this cute boy who looked kinda like Brett Mackenzie, also from FOTC. I always have a thing for those cute ones that have the Sam Roberts hair. Seperately, I told them about FOTC, at the time it was a hilarious Kiwi show that hardly anyone had heard of. The were both nice and said  ‘ok, sounds kinda cool’ but I needed evidence. I rounded them up like sheep and got them together for a pic. Totally awesome. First pic is the real ones and the other two pictures are the fakes. They look just like ’em!

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LIFE

stereo eight and a heart of glass

stereo eight and a heart of glass

It’s always something. You think everything is fine and then something shows up to the party and ruins your day. It’s sunny outside and I wore a cute outfit but I can’t help but feel grey. I don’t like feeling this way. I should be happy, it’s the weekend and it’s warm out.  I found this old eight-track tape in Mum’s basement a little while ago. I wish I had a player to play it.  I sorted through a huge pile of business cards. There’s lots of cool people in that pile.  I think the cards look neat when wrapped and stacked.  I feel like this is the slowest day ever.  It’s one of those day’s i’d watch Closer and listen to Damien Rice I think. There’s heaps cool things in Mum’s basement.  Lots of our old stuff. The movie Yes Man is really funny.  Zack and Miri Make a Porno is one of the worst movies i’ve ever seen.  No link to that one, imbarassed to say I even watched the whole thing. I hope it’s nice out tomorrow.  I could use a vacation day.

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is she yours, yes, she’s mine

is she yours, yes, she’s mine

I love this scene in Closer. Natalie Portman is a favorite of mine. In this movie she moves me.  She plays this girl, so mysterious and naughty yet childlike and carefree. This is the only movie that has ever made me have strong feelings for at least two days after seeing it in theatres. The relationships between the characters are real and crowded with mixed messages. They are allso strong but weak at the same time. Pulling their feelings from one another and back to where they used to be. It’s my most favorite at 4:37 when she  says “Where is this love?  I can’t see it,  I can’t touch it.  I can’t feel it.  I can hear it.  I can hear some words, but I can’t do anything with your easy words.”  I used to watch Closer over and over. So many times  I found comfort in her honesty, the way she could just just let herself  be so open and vulnerable.  Meanwhile,  the whole time she was really just hiding.

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