Seeing almost every single woman on Facebook posting this as their status makes me feel sad and angry. I’m upset. I have let so many things slide and just shake them off like it’s no big deal. IT’S A FUCKING BIG DEAL. I think back to how many times in my life a dude has said something inappropriate to me, made me feel like I was less than him, over-sexualized a non-sexy situation, made me feel shame, or flat out assaulted me.

Up until last year, I had lived with pretty huge boobs my whole life. I was approved by OHIP for a Breast reduction that changed my life. Aside from the physical pain of huge boobs, I hated/hid them because of the negative attention I would get from men.

It made me feel disgusting. I was ‘blessed’ with a chest before I started grade 7. The next two years were really hard. Going through puberty, trying to figure out things with boys, get good grades, and fit in.

There was a group of boys in my grade 7-8 school who really made it their entertainment to torment a few of us. Tom, Nathan, Dan were notorious for unzipping the front of our shirts (zipper shirts were in style it was the 90s).  That boy gang had no shame, they would walk home with us and tell us we had to flash them our boobs in the forest or they’d have Monique beat us up. We didn’t know any better. We wanted to be cool and liked.

I remember a specific incident where this guy Aaron had just gotten a cast removed on his leg and he was known for throwing water on you if we wore a white shirt. Why or how they thought this was ok beyond me. I had ENOUGH, he did it to me one last time and I kicked him HARD right in the cast-free leg. He fell to the floor and told me years later his leg never healed properly.

In grade 8 this guy James was razzing me to the point where I lost it. I dropped my books in the hallway and gave him a nasty right hook to the jaw. I had been in the Ontario Tae Kwon Do championships that weekend. My punch laid him flat out in the hallway. Mum was not happy I hit someone and said ‘you could get suspended‘ and my reply was ‘you think he’s going to tell anyone‘. Mum and I ran into him at a bar a few years ago and he said he still gets made fun of. That same asshole used to call me BBSB for ‘big boobs small body’.

I had a creepy geography teacher in grade 8 who used to massage the girls’ shoulders and look down their shirts. I feel like so many of us have had a man in a position of power, like a teacher, do something like this. It’s gross. I was 13.

In high school, I was on the youth city council working alongside city council to govern out issues. We opened a drop-in centre, skate park, and started a music festival. One of the city councillors sons at school kept calling me ‘fatty’ because I had ‘big’ fat tits. I hated it and him. One day at a basketball game I had ENOUGH. I punched him right in the face too. Violence is not the answer but I was young and it felt like it was the only thing I could do. Speaking out to a wasn’t going to help.

I’ll never forget my mum coming home from a high school parent-teacher interview and slamming the door hard behind her. She’d asked my counsellor to inform my teachers my dad had left recently and to keep an eye out of for a change in behaviour. When mum went to the interview, none of my teachers knew the situation, when she confronted the counsellor he replied ‘well I’ve been a bad bad boy haven’t I‘. SHE WAS LIVID.

I didn’t expect this post to be so long. It could be so much longer now that I’ve opened a few doors in my mind to things I’d been hiding back there or shaking off. Haven’t mentioned college, university, my first job, most jobs, and all the little things here and there like creeps on the subway or not feeling safe walking at night. I don’t feel like talking about that stuff right now.

This just scrapes the surface of the kind of bullshit we have to put up with because some men and boys haven’t learned how to be decent humans.

I am angry and sad but also feel good this is coming out. Hopefully, years from now, my own kids, or their kids, won’t have to deal with the bullshit all of us have for so long.

I’m here for you and with you. If you have a comment or want to share, you can email me or write below. Me too.

I had a very Halloween weekend and it was so much FUN! ????⚰️

On Friday I went to Screemers at Exhibition Place with my sister. We put on zombie makeup, all black, and had a few spooky cocktails. There wasn’t really anyone else in costume so everyone thought we worked there. ? We took heaps of photos with randoms and spent a good part of the night scaring people. Seriously so fun. It was hilarious. We almost laughed our heads right off.

Screemers has 7 haunted houses and most are inside. They’re super scary. We didn’t do them all bc were too scared tbh. You can have drinks at the Vampire Lounge, there’s food onsite, and you can smoke outside.  I highly recommend paying the extra $12 for front of the line access. Screemers hooked up with passes and it made the night more fun because we didn’t have to wait! Screemers is $32.95 and +$12 for front of the line access. There is metered parking onsite. ??

On Saturday Lauren and I went to Canada’s Wonderland for Halloween Haunt. The entire park is lit up for Halloween with hundreds of staff in costume creeping around corners and popping out all scary. I was super nervous going because the park is huge and the so are the haunted houses. There’s a lot of ground to cover.  A bunch of the rides are open so aside from scary people everywhere, the’s roaring rollercoasters soaring past your head. If you are not into being scared you can get a No Boo necklace and workers and creepy people won’t try to give you a fright.

There was haunted house experience called Blackout where it is literally pitch black and you have to walk through not knowing if someone is going to jump out at any minute or where you are going. Scary AF! We Chickened out of the 4D experience. It was a bit rainy so the corn maze was closed due to mud. I got thrown off my game a bit because we weren’t allowed to wear our makeup in the park and had to wipe some off. DO NOT DRESS UP FOR THIS ONE. Halloween Haunt is $35 or $45 for Fright Lane, front of the line passes. There were some pretty huge lines so get the upgrade if you can. Parking is $22. ???

If you’re looking to get a few Halloween accessories and decorations I recommend Amazon Prime. I shared some new wigs I got about 2 weeks ago but I’ve ordered more stuff since!

Sean really wanted these masks and I think they’re hilarious. Doge is so funny, they were $20 each. I have a feeling these’ll be popular in the photo booth at our Halloweenen party.

Doge Mask            //            Pigeon Mask

Both Screemers and Canada's Wonderland hooked me up with tickets.

It had been ages since I was inside Broadview station. I used to go there all the time. The second Toronto house I lived in was on Playter Crescent, Danforth and Broadview. Playter Estates, it was beautiful. I moved in after ending a relationship and had been living in Fort Wayne, Indiana. My sister came to rescue me and take me home.  I was so thankful for her. For the first few months, I slept on a cot in the dining room. It wasn’t that bad, I was with my sister, in a big old house for the first time in ages, and I was back at my old job.

We lived in the big brown house on the left, top two floors. I eventually moved into my sister’s old room when she moved out. It had huge windows with full sun all day. It was bright and I love the morning sun. I think back to the two years I spent there with changing roommates. There were 4 bedrooms and at first, it was my sister and girls from school and by the end, it was me and a couple other roommates. We had so much fun living there. Hanging out with the neighbours. Sun tanning on the roof. I was nice to go back and remember those moments.