some times i don’t feel like it

I walked around for about an hour thinking about my life. I was having realizations and I felt like a crazy person. It was as if I was in a fog. I was having anxiety. Sometimes I freak out. Sometimes I don’t want to be on the internet anymore. Sometimes I don’t know what to do about stuff and sometimes I forget things.  I started freaking about my last minute trip to a foreign country. Panicked. Instant attack. I left the store. I walked down the street back in my own fog again.  I’m nervous about going but then think not going would be silly too. For a bunch of different reasons.  It’s a chance to relax and go some place  cool with bunch of cool old friends. Relax. I’m packing one bag;  one nice outfiit, one dress, one piece bathing suit, one yoga mat. This is the relax retreat. A true mini vacation/airport tour. Vanilla as some may say. I know when I come back Sunday I’ll have had lots of time with self.  I love traveling; airport, airplane, people, waiting, watching, thinking, moving.  I love being in motion.

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turn off your devices

Had pastels and sketch book on me. Waiting on the tarmac in Washington I drew a little bit. I love these bright colors.  Uploaded them to Borderline Artistic with their friends. Stayed up late on new unit. I love my little guy. He works good, really nice to have my very own one. Need a free night so I can organize. I feel so motivated to give my projects some wings. I’ve been working hard and I like it.

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i fixed it

Remember about a month ago when someone was leaving nasty comments? I found out who it was, someone I used to be friends with, and not surprisingly, a girl. Before I knew who was dishing out the haterate I made some changes to commenting and it was not working very nicely. It’s fixed now. I was testing with Mum yesterday and sorted it out.  (Thanks Mum, Love You). I drew this picture using Imagination Cubed. You should try it, it’s fun.

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artventure #1107009

was nice to go to the AGO. as a member i should go  more often. there’s a new surrealist exhibit and it is beautiful. have lots of old clothes and pretty dresses to see. i imagined my self stepping into the exhibit and putting them on and dancing or walking around the room. i heard about the community bike racks around the city. hadn’t seen one before. nice bikes, nice rack. nathan phillips square is taking part in the outdoor art exhibit. lots of nice things to take photos of. was feeling artistic.    sun was really hot on my skin. started to feel tired from walking around. didn’t realise it was so hot out. heading down to harbourfront now with the girls to see Broken Social Scene. awesome. night is young and warm.

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john butler is amazing

I was biking home on Monday night and stopped to the side of the road before crossing the street. I was feeling sad that day and then double sad I didn’t have a ticket to my favorite show.  My ringer was off but I reached for my phone to have a peek. Karrera was calling that exact minute and she had an extra ticket. I’ve seen John Butler in Toronto a few times since my first time in Sydney 2004. The crowd was so into this show and we all watched with amazement while sweating our asses off.  Good vibes in the air. It’s his solo tour and I was thinking I would miss his long dreds and the stand up bass. I didn’t, he over satisfied my need for good music.  I have so many videos and photos. The opening act was Nicky Bomba, also totally wicked and Australian. Karrera is moving to BC today.  She had just gotten back that day from seeing all kinds of bands for a week at Rothbury Fest. ZAAmazing stories about Grateful Dead and Willie Nelson.  I hadn’t seen Lisa Baker in ages, I miss her. We’ve all been friend since we were kiddios. Thought of her the day before when Now & Then came on before bed. Coincidence, no. Ocean is my favorite song. I made about 5 videos while he was playing, the song is long and beautiful. There’s some more videos here. If you’ve never heard of John Butler you should seriously go to Google right now and learn. He is amazing.

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a morning conversation

Bonga says: how art thou? c a s i e  s t e w a r t says: thou art magnificent

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there’s nothing worse than being ordinary

I’m watching American Beauty…for the second time today. I love this movie. It’s creepy and yet I find the story so captivating that when it came on again, I didn’t change the channel. It’s brilliant. I have two favorite parts beside the girls dance with the roses and the music.  I like when Angela says “OMG, you like totally love him, you wanna have like a million of his babies”. Later, Jane says  “Well, I guess I’m not a very nice girl than am I”, I like that part.  Had the sketch book out. Drew a unique interpretation of the creepy video camera guys room. The room with all the videos and the white walls.  He’s weird and I like him. Cooked up some chicken soup from scratch yesterday. You’d be proud Mum, turned out great. It was spinning in this photo.  I love cooking and baking.  Haven’t been in the kitchen much lately, should do something about that really. Now & Then just came on, reminds me of grade 8 and Lisa Baker. Stunningly beautiful video of Niagara Falls in motion, all time lapse photos. Very cool.

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i am doll eyes, doll parts

I came across two things in the last 24 hours that go with doll parts and wanting to be the girl with the most cake. Hole also may be getting back together. That could be good or it could be really bad for Courtney. 1) Barbie Doll parts jewelery. Kinda creepy? No. I’d love Barbie boobies and I like the hands necklace. It’s  a one-of-a-kind necklace with eighteen barbie doll hands chopped with silver end caps. The collection is made by Margaux Lange and she has a pile of Barbie parts stuff on her Etsy store.  I like this beauty smile ring too. 2) Last night I had a Mojhito cupcake with white rum, lime, mint & cane sugar.  Cocktails by Gateau was at my place last night for a Canada Day bbq. They can come over with the cupcake cart anytime.  She won my heart playing MJ.

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crazy going slowly am i

Sometimes I just can’t seem to relax. My mind races with a hundred thousand thoughts at a time and I lose my concentration and have no focus. I think there’s a good chance it might have to do with how much time I spend on the Internet soaking up information. My daily intake of news, facts, and randomness is very high. I constantly multitask and when I’m not on the Internet I have blackberry that receives three different emails, Blackberry Messenger and has wireless access.  I’m addicted to information. I’m very creative. My mind never stops. I think back to learning about entrepreneurs and how the really successful ones work their asses off.  That’s what you gotta do to get anywhere. I’ve been so busy lately and but not just going-places-busy, thoughts-process-busy. It’s really good and I like it but sometimes it gives me knots in my stomach and I feel like I’m going to puke. That’s how I felt this morning. I got up extra early so I could get to the office and check some things off my list before everyone else got in. The ride in was nice and my bike makes me feel free. I managed to get a bit ahead but I’ve still got a full day staring me in the face. Lunch meeting, after work meeting, concert, opening party, then finally bed. It’s days like this I sing the song from Sharon Lois and Bram and think it’s OK, you’re gonna be OK. It’s just another day.

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and when it does i want to run away

this papers not as good for drawing its better for writing in pen i like when the pencil scratches the paper its thinner than the other paper and i like that one better because you can do more with different things and make it more colourful and full of life i don’t like to write on the back of the paper and i like when the words fill up the spaces of the flat piece of paper either and when words the same end up together it makes me smile and i like it the reporter is always writing and chasing stories i would rather be chased than chase the lives and run in circles around my own thoughts and how i feel about the lives of other people i like to report my own stories its new and always news its always new and always news but it gives me anxiety sometimes * from my moleskine

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