you’ve been saying that for years, just do it

I thought about working out. Always happens around now. I start thinking about summer and I really wanna work out. The thing is, I don’t ACTUALLY like working out or the gym. I was kinda into it before Cuba. I’m a jerk cause I’ve always been petite and never really got into the habit of working out. It gives me anxiety for some reason. I usually start by eating less and think about being skinny.  It actually works if you realllllly use your brain. I might start going with a friend who’s totally NOT scared of the gym. I recon I’ll need a bit of an ass whooping to get there but I know I can do it. Well, I don’t KNOW I can but I’m gonna have to fake it until I do.

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a day when you dont feel like internetting

sitting in bed, watching jeopardy, comfy. wrapped in your hoodie,  it feels nice around my shoulders, big and warm. one of those days when you feel up and down and anxiety, happiness sad… it has nothing to do with being a girl,  or that you’re stupid, it’s just becasue you are human and there are lots of outside forces coming at you. some things you control, some you don’t. you work with computers and the internet and it moves so fast that some days you just arent at top speed. even though you try, you try but you fail.  then you hasgtag it as #fail and somehow that makes you feel better, so do the @replies from your friends. i dont have a phone so i sit and talk to my computer because my blog always listens. it never talks back and it keeps your secrets you don’t share but want to.  it listens and without even saying anything and often is more helpful than a friend. it’s a place you just let it out and then after, you feel better.  a blog is a best friend you find within yourself, and it’s cheaper than therapy. sometimes i don’t feel like internetting, but that usually means i’m just tired.

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she kinda reminds me of andy warhol

This is the desktop of @irieras at work…feel free to put me on yours too. haha so funny.  It’s my current FB profile pic and she loves it. I got to thinking the other day about this blog and me and everything…. it’s fun reminding yourself about your own life. It becomes a story, unreal at times. I often say to myself “Can you believe it Casie? THIS, this, this is your life and you are living it, good job. Casie you are living it out.” AND Yes,  yes I talk to myself often. Kinda why I have a blog, to make the talking to myself seen normal….or necessary. Oh, look at me so funny again. To remember my life, that’s why I do it, this whole charade. I’m so happy and I hope it lasts forever. Thank you for reading. I love when you comment cause then we’re both sharing and it’s not just me talking to myself day after day. I’ve got all my gear here to scoot to NY after work. I’ve got a driver arranged at the airport and I’m meeting Jello at the hotel. No anxiety, only excitement! OMG! Have an awesome day.

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Kevin, you’re what French call les incompetents

This is me today… I’m heading to New York tomorrow and excited. I’m also a bit nervous and having anxiety. I’ve never been to NY and i’m flying porter there all by myself then I have to take a taxi to our hotel. I know everything will be fine but I can’t help but feel the nerves kicking in.  I’ve got two suitcases, one for NY and one packed for Cuba on Monday. I’m very lucky to be going but i’m feeling the pressure to get lots of stuff done for work and blog and pack and family/christmas stuff.  Plus, Blackberry emails are not coming through and twitter replies are slow, adding to the anxiousness. In other news, I’ve decided to sell the Bell Google Android phone.  If you want it, tell me, I posted it here. Take a deep breath…I’m so ready for the beach.

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gonna storm that beach like it’s mine

Went to the gym today at 8am. I don’t like that place unless I’m the only one there. I put on the tv and sung out loud to my ipod. It was nice. It gives me anxiety but I fought it today. Proud of myself for that. I don’t want a trainer but I don’t really know what to do. I could look it up online but I don’t feel like it. I got in good shape this summer from biking and now I just gotta trim the edges a wee bit. I’m so excited. I was super skinny last time I went  vacation at a beach so I wanna be like that again.  Self motivation is key and frankly, I’ve got lots! Beach body FTW here I come!

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