and when it does i want to run away

looking-better-finally-1

this papers not as good for drawing its better for writing in pen i like when the pencil scratches the paper its thinner than the other paper and i like that one better because you can do more with different things and make it more colourful and full of life

i don’t like to write on the back of the paper and i like when the words fill up the spaces of the flat piece of paper either and when words the same end up together it makes me smile and i like it

the reporter is always writing and chasing stories i would rather be chased than chase the lives and run in circles around my own thoughts and how i feel about the lives of other people i like to report my own stories its new and always news

its always new and always news but it gives me anxiety sometimes

face* from my moleskine

the pencil flows on paper twill

Every time I get a new one I feel lucky. It’s like someone opened up world of opportunity and said, ‘Go Casie, you can have anything you want.  If you imagine it, you can have it right here in this fine little book‘. It’s a space wherre I have a conversations with my self and our thoughts. I let them out and they turn into things. I had met with a reporter yesterday which inspired me to pick up the reporter style this time.  moleskine1

I reckon that being left handed I can flip it around nicely to not get pencil lead on my hand as I so often do. heart shaped glasses xoI write in pencil mostly.  I remember a poem I wrote ages ago with a line saying how I like the way ‘the pencil flows on paper twill’. I love looking at the notebooks of other people, there is so much creativity contained in these legendary little things. I bought my last one in March and it was nearly full when I lost the little guy.  It was with my laptop and computer and  funny enough, the thing I miss most is the notebook. True story.

one hundred lightning strikes in five minutes

That’s what Miami got. Massive rain & hail. It was my first trip to South Florida. I missed the storm by a fortnight. Thank you.

I rarely head into the tourist traffic jam that is Dundas Square but today I did. Whoa, mad people. It’s Luminato and there’s tons of things going on. luminato

I knew that this big guy was rolling around the city. I’m stoked that I saw it opening weekend and have a photo to prove it.  It’s a giant red inflatable ball, about 20 feet in diameter that is part of artist Kurt Perschke’s Red Ball project.i saw the red ball


made for a man but good for a girl

it reminds me of him, the smell is strong, slightly sexy and sensual. i lay in my bed and i think of him and the way he smells. it’s only been two weeks since the scent first captivated my senses.  i like it.  i put it on.  it’s made for a man but  i think about how nice it is on my skinthey said play evokes emotion.  a certain style surrounds me, one of sophistication and sexuality at the same time. play could mean anything,  it makes my thoughts soar…it’s strong but soft, it’s my new favorite scent. givenchy-playthe new givenchy fragrance arrived in my mail bag about two weeks ago. i’ve been wearing it and i really like it. it’s called  play and it’s for men .   justin timberlake is the face of the fragrance.  it smells good. sabrina likes it too, i put it on today and she came in asking about it.  the bottle is designed by french artist and designer serge mansau. it comes out in august 2009 at the bay & shoppers. if you’re lucky to come across it before then, take a whiff.  if you see me, i’ll have it on.

added information or an observation

I recently met Sean Ward. He writes a blog, draws cartoons, raps and is one cool ass dude.

After we met he checked out my blog and left a few comments.

That sparked his idea about  the etiquette behind blog commenting. Especially when you just met the person or aren’t part of that blog’s community. We shared some thoughts over Facebook this week about our feelings on the topic.

The conversation can be found on Sean’s awesome blog at seanward.net.

stereo eight and a heart of glass

It’s always something. You think everything is fine and then something shows up to the party and ruins your day. It’s sunny outside and I wore a cute outfit but I can’t help but feel grey. I don’t like feeling this way. I should be happy, it’s the weekend and it’s warm out.  I found this old eight-track tape in Mum’s basement a little while ago.

I wish I had a player to play it.  picture-0591

I sorted through a huge pile of business cards. There’s lots of cool people in that pile.  I think the cards look neat when wrapped and stacked.  I feel like this is the slowest day ever.  It’s one of those day’s i’d watch Closer and listen to Damien Rice I think. There’s heaps cool things in Mum’s basement.  Lots of our old stuff. The movie Yes Man is really funny.  Zack and Miri Make a Porno is one of the worst movies i’ve ever seen.  No link to that one, imbarassed to say I even watched the whole thing. I hope it’s nice out tomorrow.  I could use a vacation day.

picture-058

he just jumped, i couldn’t save him

Earlier this week I wrote about the many relationships I’ve had with hardware, computers that is. The track record of breakage expands further than computers, it includes phones and cameras too. I can’t even begin to think about all the units I’ve been though over the last few years.

I look forward to getting to work now that I’ve got a new desktop that stays there. It’s safe from the wreckage that I cause every time a laptop touches my fingers.  As I was leaving for the office this morning, I noticed the balcony door open and casually grabbed for the screen door to avoid any bugs coming inside.  There’s lots up high in condo-life.work_polson-099 I attempted to close the door when my blackberry jumped out of my hand.  He must have wanted to go. I tried to stop him, but there was no way. He was full of spite and skid across the concrete heading straight for the edge.  I screamed as if I was being pushed to the very edge myself.  It was loud and full of fear.  I tried to say ‘don’t do it’ but he jumped, he just jumped.  He went right off the edge as if he was at Taupo doing a bungy. Thought flushed my mind thinking, what have I done, what have I not done to make you want  to end it all? I watched the whole thing happen. I saw him falling over 20 stories to what became a very tragic death. picture-061I scurried to the elevator, it seemed to be taking a lifetime. I could not get to the ground fast enough. I saw a resident walk past him, his parts were scattered across the pavement.  I wiped a tear and said  ‘WHAT AM I GOING TO WITHOUT YOU?” in an angry yet very sad  voice. I picked him up and he seemed to still have some life left. ..I got all the pieces and held him close. There was no hope, he was not going to make it.  Not after a fall like that. work_polson-164

Emptiness filled my stomach as thoughts raced through my head. Another breakup to add to the rest.  It’s been a tough week,  I lost two very special friends, laptop and blackberry. I hope the relationship in this beautiful photo lasts longer than the ones I have with gadgets.

blackberry-unit

It must be time to switch to iphone…

and it goes a little somethin’ like this

Great afternoon yesterday with the work mates.  I’m not very sporty nor do I enjoy playing anything with flying balls or kicking.

I made an attempt to be a team player…

work_polson-027I put on my ankle support and I played Human Fooseball. Sabrina told me she was watching it happen and thinking ‘oh no, this is a bad idea’.  I was standing right across from the shoes in the photo below.img_6864

She kicked, I kicked, she won. I got heel right in the top of my foot. I’m currently getting the SAME foot looked at for a heel that went right into it about 3 years ago. Epic fail.

I spent the rest of the afternoon drinking and sitting in the sun. I also went for a relaxing trek around the island on a boat. I liked it. The city looks so pretty from the lake.

Kelly and I were uploading pix to Twitpic the whole time. It was pretty funny because everyone that we were huge dorks and I love that feeling. This photo of us is great, love the tower in the back.

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pleasant thoughts fill the head when read

The other day I found a little notebook in my desk.  The noted were all made in April 2008. This is the first time I’ve typed them out and now I’m sharing with you. I hope you like them. The photos are from the warehouse the other day. It’s a creative space I adore.

act as if it is impossible to fail

ride me by casie stewart,  april 16, 2008

sunny outlook, brand new, fresh book

sun shining outside, take the bike out for a ride

feel the sun shine on your face, biking fast, win your own race

light a cig, turn up the tunes

nothing like the sun in the afternoon

xo love the warehouse

flare by casie stewart, april 16 2009

free spirit flowing lyrics,  let it out,  scream & shout!

don’t be shy let the words fly,

across the page like sprinkled sage

like you lost your age!

define yourself in this life

open your mind, let the words suffice

you are the director, a mind reflector

direct your movie

let your lyrics move me

a box of goon and lots of beads

balconyYesterday I got quite a few compliments on the outfit. I think I looked kinda rocker-lesbian-ish. I like that look though, I do it well.  There’s something about the short hair and the side shave that gets the girls.

Maybe I have that look on my face that makes them give me the ‘eyes from across the room.? It happens, my friends know. It’s hot though, I like it.  Maybe it’s all the time I’ve spent at Pride in TO; volunteering, leading a team of hot babes, partying.

One time, I went to Mardi Gras in Sydney in 2004, I had only been in Australia for 5 weeks at the time.

mardigras-syd-2

It was quite surprising when I opened the Sydney Morning Herald to see a colour photo of me kissing my bff in an article about the street party the night before. It was hot and shocking. I tried to find it to show you but had no luck. I’m sure the photo is saved somewhere. It had been raining, we drank a box of goon, were wearing next to nothing and were covered in beads.

It was fun.  I’m not volunteering at Toronto Pride this year. I WILL be having my annual get together with all the girls before heading to the parade. That’s the fun part 🙂