The news today is a very sobering reality of just how intense this situation is. I have been watching the live news reports on CP24 from 1 pm-3 pm and my chest is tight with anxiety. It is hard to believe the world we are living in, it’s not a movie or simulation, this is real life. It’s heartbreaking. Ontario alone could see 15K deaths and over 1M cases have been recorded around the world. Today I sent a couple of invoices for the last round of work I did and to be honest, I’m not sure what’s next?

This Day in History: Covid-19

The Novel Coronavirus (Covid-19) Pandemic was declared on March 11, 2020. I am putting this information here as a reminder to look back on one day when this is all over (it has been floating around on Facebook). Premier Ford said we are looking at 2 years for this to fully be over and once the first round of the virus starts to ease up, we could see a second and third wave.

• There are now 11,283 Confirmed Cases in Canada on this day with 173 deaths.
• Gas prices are at a record low 68 cents. 
• School cancelled since March 13th until May 1st (kids aren’t likely going back until September)
• Self-distancing measures on the rise.
• Tape on the floors at grocery stores and other stores to help distance shoppers 2m from each other.
• Limited number of people inside stores, with 1 per family, therefore lineups are outside the store doors.
• Hand washing stations in the Store Entrances and Pexi-glass barriers installed around the Cashiers/Check-out
• Non-essential stores and businesses mandated closed.
• Parks, trails, entire cities locked up.
• Entire sports seasons cancelled.
• Concerts, tours, festivals, entertainment events – cancelled.
• Weddings, family celebrations, holiday gatherings – cancelled.
• No masses, churches are closed.
• No gatherings of 50 or more, then 20 or more, now 5 or more.
• Don’t socialize with anyone outside of your home.
• Children’s outdoor play parks are closed.
• We are to distance from each other.

In Canada:

• Shortage of masks, gowns, gloves for our front-line workers.
• Shortage of ventilators for the critically ill.
• Panic buying sets in and we have no toilet paper, no disinfecting supplies, no paper towels, no hand sanitizer.
• Shelves are bare at times and most are being re-stocked nightly.
• Manufacturers, distilleries and other businesses switch their lines to help make visors, masks, hand sanitizer and PPE.
• Government closes the border to all non-essential travel, calls Canadians home and makes it mandatory to self isolate for 14 days.
• Stiff Fines and Jail time for price gouging on essential items.
• Fines are established for breaking the rules.
• Stadiums and recreation facilities open up for the overflow of Covid-19 patients.
• Press conferences daily from Prime Minister Trudeau.
• In Ontario: Premier Ford gives daily updates on new cases, recoveries of Covid 19 and any new Bylaws/Rules
• Government incentives to stay home.
• Barely anyone in the street or on the roads.
• People wearing masks and gloves outside.
• Essential service workers are terrified to go to work.
• Medical field workers are afraid to go home to their families.
• 1,600,000 applications for Employment Insurance as people go without.
• Government has made a CERB (Canada Emergency Response Benefit) available for families that don’t qualify for EI with $500 a week for up to 16 weeks.

That’s all for today. I need a break from the internet.

Before isolation, I’d been going to the gym 5-7 days/week between 6-7 am from November to March. Over that time, I gained muscle, confidence, a new attitude, and lost 25Lbs. I wasn’t happy with who I was for a long time before I started working out. I was overwhelmed and burnt out. April 2020 marks 15 years of my blog and I’ve spent that whole time being online, sharing my life, and being social. I was tired and needed change. Part of that process was growing out my hair, it’s getting kinda wild. My new hair inspo is Debby Harry!

Got a surprise call from Sergio and it was so nice! I love how technology is bringing us together during this weird time. I am here for calls from friends near and far, anytime, on any platform. I’m available, reach out. ?

If you need or want to escape I will take you for a walk in the woods.

Did some work on my garden and it’s coming along. The lettuce is enough ‘for a garnish‘ as Sean calls it. The celery making some moves too.

I saw the news that said ‘Don’t Go To Your Cottage’ and I have anxiety that we’re gonna get cottage shamed. We’ve been here for three weeks, we are staying and isolated. Having things delivered, minimal trips to town. We come up here all year and there’s lots of work to be done. It’s the best place for us to be right now.

Emily and I went for a nice walk in the woods about 4k. Today was a pretty good day. It’s been really nice watching winter melt away, things are starting to bloom, and there’s no ice on the road.

I hope the sun comes out tomorrow.

Today I slept in a bit (8am!) and woke up feeling better. It’s amazing the difference a day makes. I need to set a reminder that this situation isn’t permanent.

Last night Sean said to me, “we have the opportunity to make this the best, most memorable experience“. It helped shift my perspective, creating space to think differently. I chatted with a friend who has a child the same age as Em, she inspired me to take a more relaxed approach to the whole home education thing. The school stuff will work itself out and until then we’ll wing it.

We have an opportunity to teach Em the things we know, how we work, life skills, gardening, cooking, making stuff. This situation is already stressful, we will figure out what works as we go. There are heaps of resources out there and the teachers are working to have online class material available. I made a Google Doc with a bunch of online stuff to do, you can access it here.

The ice is starting to melt. Mum, don’t worry we won’t go out there! You can’t see it but there is a concrete dock under where Sean is standing.

After breakfast, I worked with her to create a WordPress blog for her art. We talked about brainstorming, branding, I showed her fonts, hex colours etc. I work from the kitchen table so it was natural to sit and blog. She has been working on designing images and it’s nice to see her excited.

We made a TikTok and I had her show me do most of it, she knows the app better than I do. (FOR NOW, haha.) I watched a YouTube on how to add VO to TikTok using screen capture on iPhone for another video. We dyed her hair in the middle of making this, which I now realize is hard to tell. I will pay more attention to the production of our next video. ?

@casiestewart

This is our first one lol ##iusedtobesobeautiful ##foryoupage ##fyp @pasta_chan

♬ Absolutely Anything (feat. Or3o) – CG5

I finished my March challenge in NTC after not running for a few days. I’m looking forward to smashing Amy’s challenge next month w/ 45K, I want to do 50. Her January challenge was ‘A KM a day keeps the Dr. away’ and February’s 35K was ‘Love Yourself Month’.

Last night I made banana bread and today Sean is making dough for pizza. Everyone is isolation is doing the same things and I love it. This is a good read in The Star featuring my friend Jeremy Potvin. I love this idea from him, tasks to pass the time. I’ll look into bread making for tomorrow.

“It helps build a routine. At home, I make a goal of finishing a certain number of tasks before I do the next turn on the bread.”

Jeremy Potvin (Weedbox / EspressoDeals)

Did you watch this video today? It’s so good.

As we go through this together we’re learning new things, adapting, and changing how we live our lives. A silver lining to this pandemic is learning to make and grow things and how to communicating with the people we care about.

WE WILL BE OK.

When I was a kid my mum made this rule that if my sister or I had a friend over, we would both have a friend or some mix of friends to make it an even number. She started this because if only one sister had a friend over, someone from the group was left out and would end up upset, left out, angry, or crying.

For a long time, until my mid 20’s, I would never do things in threes. Even the simplest things like eating nuggets, buying things, or actions I had to repeat, it was almost always two or four. I was conscious of it daily. I’d hold back on eating something if it made it three or I’d have two more to make it four. I hated things in three, I avoided it wherever I could.

When I was 18, I dated a guy for two years and three was his baseball number, I tried to like the number but it was never going to work out. I carried my fear of three (Triskaphobia) until I was about 26 and then one day, I decided to stop.

My grandad always said 13 was lucky and one day I made a tattoo appt for Friday the 13th. I had drawn it on paper, sixteen evenly placed dots to go on my left forearm. Eight dots of two different custom shades of green, two by two, in a pattern around my arm like a beaded bracelet. Sixteen, a square number, two times my birthday number 8, the fourth power of two.

Since that Friday the 13th, I have been tattooed on that day a bunch of times. This month, Friday the 13th was my last day out and about in the world before isolation diary started. Today was our first full day up at the cottage with Sean’s daughter and I felt that fear of three sneaking back in like when I was a kid.

Today was challenging. I am finding it hard to stay calm and positive. As much as I am outgoing and fun, I crave order and structure. Dealing with this pandemic is challenging. Being an entrepreneur, a partner, a parent, they’re all tough jobs and they’re even harder right now. Also, being a pre-teen girl and living with one has its challenges. Living in the age of the internet comes with challenges. Living through a global pandemic where nobody really knows what going on, while isolated, has a lot of challenges. Trying to stay calm and not freak the F out right now is challenging.

We are all in this together and we’re also all figuring out how to adjust on our own. I don’t know how to do this. I am trying. Behind the smiling selfies and colourful photos, there are challenges that I’m facing too.

Writing has always been there for me. It helps me deal with my feelings, to remember them, to learn, to move, change, and grow. I’ve been writing here for 15 years and never imagined I’d be documenting this situation that feels like a movie, but it’s not.

I feel a weighted blanket of anxiety on my chest and it’s heavy.

I went for a long walk in the woods, to the end of the road, then a bit further. It was eerie and quiet. The only sound was nature, moving and melting. I was about 1.5k from home when it started raining, so I turned back, and let the rain wash over me.

I don’t know how long this will last, how the world will change, or if anything will go back to the normal we used to know.

I do know that tomorrow is a new day. I am responsible for facing my fears and challenges, just like I did with the 16 evenly spaced dots on my left arm, that one Friday the 13th.

We will get through this.