Sean went back to the cottage this morning and I spent most the day working before taking a walk around 4pm. I chatted with friends on speakerphone while making dinner. I miss my friends so much. On Thursday, Ontario moves into a ‘Stay Home Order’ with more restrictions & curbside pickup at big box stores. I feel like this 2nd wave of the pandemic is much harder to deal with. Back in March/April 2020, there was a bit of a novelty that we had to stay home, we did online workouts and Zoom hangouts. Now, 10 months later, we’re all feeling Zoom-fatigue, we miss family & friends, and the collective trauma is setting in. I really hope this weather stays around 0 degrees because I love going outside and having distanced walks with friends. Colder temps will make that harder and god forbid we get heaps of snow or ice making it hard to walk outside. I’m still terrified of slipping after my accident two years ago. Hang in there my friends, stay safe!

Woke up today and felt tired, could hardly get out of bed. I’ve been going to bed early and trying to get rest, but today was a struggle. My motivation has been LOW since the news on Wednesday last week when the US Capitol was stormed by terrorists. Typing this feels like I’m writing a movie script but it’s real life. Mix that in with rising Covid cases, a lockdown, and general anxiety, it’s hard to focus. I managed to pull myself together, shut out the world for a few hours and zero in on some work before an end of day meeting. I find over the ear noise-canceling headphones really help me focus, even with no music and no outside noise. I think it keeps my thoughts in my head. It is totally acceptable right now if you aren’t functioning at the same productivity levels as pre-pandemic. We’re experiencing collective trauma, living through a deadly global pandemic, a lockdown, homeschooling, and watching what’s happening with the US government. I try to carve out blocks where I put on my headphones, and try to immerse myself in something creative like work or blogging. Going outside for a nice long walk really helps me refocus when I feel anxiety creeping in. It is ok to not be productive right now. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take care of your health. We WILL get through this.

Yesterday I met up with Natalie for a distanced walk outside. Instead of taking the TTC or an Uber, I decided to take a long walk from my area to meet her at Yonge/Bloor. It’s about an hour away by foot, I left at 4pm to get there before the sun went down. We walked around the ROM/Yorkville for about an hour before I headed home. I don’t normally walk outside when it’s dark but since I didn’t have any Friday night plans, I took the hour to walk home along Bloor. Made it back to the house just in time to catch the very last episode of Jeopardy hosted by Alex Trebek. Edited these with the new PinkPapaya app! Mask is by Considerate Goods. I’m planning to spend some this weekend catching up on a few things I didn’t get done for work last week. Found it really hard to concentrate the last few days with everything going on, hard not to get distracted by the news, and fall into a deep doomscroll. I’ve found that taking a little walk during the day helps to boost my spirit and help me refocus when I get back home. It’s all going to be ok. We’ll get through this. xo

Here we are, we made it to the end of this insane year, New Years’ Eve 2020. I had a nice day & went to bed before midnight. Feeling good about the year ahead. We have a lot to be grateful for. Looking back at everything that happened this year, I learned a lot. Despite being home/cottage for 90% of the year I did a lot of new things, ditched some old habits, made some new ones. On a side note, I’m really glad to have grown my hair out. I wanted to do it for years and this is the most un-dyed it’s been since I was a teenager. I’m celebrating the growth. My word for 2020 was BLOOM. At the end of 2019, I had a deep-rooted need for change, I wanted something different in my career and was well on my way to leading a healthier lifestyle. In my mind, by the time spring arrived in 2020, I’d be ready to bloom. In January 2020, I went to Cuba, stayed in a hotel, went to events. One weekend in February, I met with some friends and one specific conversation bloomed into something really great career-wise. In March, most of my work was canceled and I ended up on CERB until the end of summer. During that time I did a lot of creative things, I wrote every day, did tie-dye, learned to propagate plants, read books in the sun, and worked out heaps. There were a lot of hard times too, don’t get me wrong, but for the purpose of documenting this memory, I want to be thankful for all the ups and downs. I am grateful for the opportunity to slow down, to create, to be in the moment and not the rat race. As a…