Internetting. I just wanna shut it all off sometimes.  Hide away, wrap my wings over me and disappear. It’s not easy sharing  yourself all the time. Sometimes you don’t get much back and you feel like your energy vessel is depleated. You get invited to all kinda of cool parties and people recognize you and ask to internview you and stuff but what they don’t know is you really spend heaps of time alone. So sometimes I take myself on walks and we lay in the grass together and stare at the sky imaging things were different or how things cold be worse, be better.  I talk things out with myself in my head and set goals and think of things I can do to make the most of each and every single day. If I don’t take time to hang out alone I get cranky. I need self time. My mind needs time to shut down and relax. It’s these little moments where my batteries get recharged and before I know it I’m back at my computer with 28 windows open sharing all over the place and reaching for my phone to Tweet. We all have those days I guess. Don’t we?

I’ve been laying low the last month, posting less, staying in. I just haven’t felt like it. The other day I wrote down something I overheard Sean said on the phone when someone asked how things were, he said “a mix of awesome and shitty“. It stuck with me, that’s how I’ve been feeling the last month. On November 21st I was given a prestigious award from the President of Conestoga College, Alumni of Distinction. It was a proud moment when I sat at the back of the crowd with my mum and my ‘Fairy Godmother‘ (mum’s best friend) who watched me walk up and make a speech in front of the group. It felt amazing to be recognized for my career, not something that was voted on by social media but actually recognized by people older than me who didn’t really know me personally.  This part of the night was awesome.  It was really cold that night we were happy to get home and cheers over a glass of wine. We were all filled with such excitement. We weren’t up late but I went outside for a minute before bed. This part of the night was shitty. I slipped on some ice on the concrete stairs outside mum’s house. I fell on the concrete steps resulting in a black eye and later found out I fractured my collarbone. I went to the doctor the next day, swollen and bruised. I got acupuncture. I felt like garbage, how could this happen? I barely remember falling, mum holding frozen peas on my head, the drive back home the following day. I tried to hide it, act like nothing was wrong. I covered up my face, wore glasses, stayed home from events. As for my shoulder, it was 1 week and a trip to New Orleans before I thought, ‘ I really…