Blog Life: Sometimes I don’t feel like it. (Edition 11) #BellLetsTalk

I know today is Bell Let’s Talk day and I’m not sure how to talk about the depression and anxiety that I face or if I even want to. Being on the Internet in itself gives me anxiety. Some days I just don’t feel like it at all, written about it a few times.  Sometimes I want to hide and pretend I don’t even have a blog. (Or Twitter, tumblr, Facebook, Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, Selfish, Rdio, Google+, Vine, or phone.) I like keeping to myself on on those days, not sharing stories.  Being alone.

My dad battled depression growing up and it was really hard for our family. He moved back to New Zealand to be with his family when my parents split up and it was tough for us. It sill is sometimes.

* Thanks Andrew Mitchell for drawing this photo of me. I love it.  

I want you to know that I too have days when I’m down and I’ve been through some very dark times and almost not made it through. It’s not always sunny where I am but I do try to bring my own sunshine to the internet each and every single time I make an appearance. My blog is a place you can count on to have bright colours and a fun photo. It’s helpful for me to look back and remember the good times too. This is a place to make you feel happy when a cloud tries to rain on your parade. I’ve worked through a bunch of sad days wondering what to do with my life and I made it through. Don’t ever give up. I wanted to quit blogging a few times over the last 10 years and I am damn well glad I didn’t. I want you to know, I am actually happy most of the time and I really do smile a LOT. Really. If you’ve ever met me IRL you know it’s true.

People always wonder where I get all my energy and I don’t know what to tell you? I find inspiration in everything around me. When the sun shines through the clouds. A couple green lights in a row.  When a song comes on the radio and I know all the words. An actual phone call from someone you like and miss. Turning on the TV to find the movie you were JUST thinking about is on. Old photos. A pair of tights with no holes in them. Clean sheets. Accidentally spilling glitter on the floor and not even getting mad. There’s joy in the little things, I’ve gotten good at finding it.

Thinking of you and sending warm positive thoughts with each keystroke. You’re not alone, we’re here together.

<3 CASIE

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