Performance Review

I have just completed six months with my new company. I am really enjoying it, my boss is great, its close to home and all the other shiz is good too. It’s clear that the management care more about their employees at this place. 6 months in and I’ve already had a employee opinion survey! As I am approaching the time for a Performance Review, I started looking for tips and stuff to make a review go smooth and set forth a positive road for the future. I came across this and found it to be quite funny….

Employee Performance Review terms… and what they REALLY mean

Average Employee……………………Not Too Bright
Exceptionally Well Qualified…………Made No Major Blunders Yet
Active Socially…………………….Drinks a Lot
Character above Reproach…………….Still One Step Ahead Of the Law
Quick Thinking……………………..Offers Plausible Excuses
Careful Thinker…………………….Won’t Make a Decision
Plans for Advancement……………….Buys Drinks for All the Boys
Aggressive…………………………Obnoxious
Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs…………Gets Someone Else To Do It
Expresses Themselves Well……………Speaks English
Meticulous Attention to Detail……….A Nit Picker
Has Leadership Qualities…………….Is Tall or Has A Loud Voice
Exceptionally Good Judgment…………Lucky
Keen Sense of Humor………………..Knows a Lot of Dirty Jokes
Career Minded………………………Back Stabber
Of Great Value to the Organization……Gets To Work on Time
Relaxed Attitude……………………Sleeps At Desk
Work Is First Priority………………Too Ugly To Get A Date
Independent Worker………………….Nobody Knows What He/She Does
Great Presentation Skills……………Able To Make Thing Up On The Spot
Good Communication Skills……………Spends Lots of Time on Phone
Loyal……………………………..Can’t Get a Job Anywhere Else