i love you and i hate you but i will never leave you

I wanna quit you. Sometimes you make me so mad I could leave you, but it’s impossible. You are bigger than me and you are so well connected, you know everyone. I like that about you. You know everything about me, pretty much. You definitely know more than anyone else.  I can trust you, at least I think I can despite what everyone says. When people banded together to rally against you and said we should stop, I didn’t listen, I still spent time with you. Damn you Facebook, you had me at hello.

nyctophobia (fear of night)

Hold back the night

For I fear the darkness

Take control and keep me safe

Hold back the night

For I cannot live without the light

Upon my face

Hold back the night

For my love will leave me

When the dark night approaches

published may 22, 2006

the ABC’s of anger

This poem was originally published in 2006 here and is written by me. I was playing with my thesaurus at the time,  finding words for anger. I was listening to Rilo Kiley and myspacing hard. I spent countless nights teaching myself HTML, formatting websites,  writing content.  I love being able to go back in time and see what I was up to and what I was writing. I realize things about myself that I forgot. ________________________________

ABC’s of Anger

You could say I am annoyed, antagonized & aggravated.
You remind me of that bitter taste of coffee in my mouth,
With you I am displeased.
Almost enraged I am, exacerbated & exasperated,
I find myself furious, fierce, & ferociously fuming.
Hardly hateful just heated with a hot head
I am ill tempered. You make me impassionate, insensitive,
I feel inflamed, increasingly infuriated, & irate. Intensely irritated.
I am maddened. Your words make me offended & outraged.
You provoke me into a raging, resentful sad Satan.
Watch for spitefulness coming your way.
I am airline turbulence, making passengers uptight.
Vicious & vexed like a bad villain.
I am wired & worked up with wrath.
I have no zest or zeal.
This is a zero-sum game.
_______________________________
%$%$#FU*C*&%#$K off.

my world 2.0

The sound of a rooster woke me up, and, just as I planned, I started laughing. I fell asleep thinking positive thoughts of “welcome summer” and “I want a porsche“.

Got up about an hour earlier than usual to kick off the week before my birthday on Saturday, I’m gonna be 28.

Its a beautiful day, the ground is wet, the air is warm. Might rain but for now, the sun is shining bright. Pulled out the AA thigh highs, threw on my wellies and shorts and made it out the door just after 8am.

Sun shining in my face…

Pretty walk through the park.

Ready for puddle jumping.

Having lunch with the lovely Lucia and I’ve also booked the whole night to myself. Started cleaning room last night, finally. Brought a banana for brekky today. It’s time to start planning for Florida trip, as in not eating crap! I need that toned up beach body in place, maybe I’ll even get a couple workouts (won’t hold my breath on that one!).

Its absolutely lovely outside today. I wrote this as I walked to work using WordPress mobile & added the pix from my phone when I got into the office.  Hope your day starts off great like mine did. If it didn’t, maybe reading this little note might help.

Happy Monday!

feeling young and restless

i’m having one of those days. i’ve got heaps to do.  it’s getting done but for some reason i’m just outta my head. i keep thinking, stop it, get back to work, don’t let your mind wonder, wander. i wish the sun would com out. it’s cold in here and i’ve not taken my jacket off all day. i even dressed cute today. sigh.

i keep reminding myself how fun it’s gonna be tonight watching the hills with a bunch of friends at MTV.  i always wanted to be able to do  this. in my last post i was so excited and now i feel all weird.  i said something stupid last night to a friend after a couple drinks and i think that’s what is getting me.  sometimes we say things, it happens. the other day i got so upset over  something that was  not even necessary. i like to think i’m a simple girl but i’m complex and  my mind is like a labyrinth sometimes. i go back and read things tagged writing and i feel some what at ease.

it must be the creativity, left hand, wild imagination sometimes gets the best of me. i’m nervous and excited most the time, i love this feeling but sometimes it leaves me feeling open and vulnerable and i get scared.  take my own advice, build  a bridge and get over it. the other thing is that when you do things online all the time it’s all out there for everyone to see, they can see you, you can see them, the world is somewhat translucent. you can see, but you can’t always see through. this helps, writing it out. i got  new analytics ,the other day. google, i love you but your site stats were just not cutting it for me.  i’m amazed and pleased to see how many people  actually read this thing. i read it everyday and i love it, it’s my outlet and my memories and my life. thank you. i live and i learn and i love you.

it’s 4 and i’ve not eaten lunch yet. i’m tired, i’ve been up late the last couple nights. i need a good sleep tonight. i need a good sleep. i’m going to get something tasty to eat and come back to watch the Y&R at my desk. i feel better that i talked it out.  thank you.

a blog is the best therapy you can have. sometimes you just need someone to talk to.  sometimes, you just need someone.

with your feet in the air and your head on the ground

up early feeling great. doing work today. blogs. magazine. facebook. twitter. doesn’t feel like work. could do it all day. i do.

you’re doing it. just want you wanted to. i’m proud of you.

realization
motivation

reach for the sky
its not as far as you think

@casiestewart