Day 445: Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #21

It’s been a little while since I updated and to be honest, I just didn’t feel like it. Over the last 20 days, I often opened WordPress to write so many times but ended up saving drafts, only counting the days. The last 2 weeks have been hard, we’re still in lockdown, I haven’t been vaccinated, I miss my parents, going places, doing things. Sometimes I just don’t feel like it, being on the internet, sharing my life. Over the years I’ve written 20 posts with this same title, you can read them here. Work is going good and I’ve finally gotten into the groove of being an employee, it took 8-10 weeks. I hadn’t worked full-time since 2013 so it was quite an adjustment. I really love the work I’m doing and can’t wait to share an exciting project. I’ve been riding my bike a lot lately, and going for walks after work, seeing friends in the park. It’s the only thing keeping me sane! With the pandemic, work, relationships, family, and general anxiety, I haven’t felt like sharing here. I still post something to my IG Stories most days, Instagram, or pop up on Twitter but each time I went to write, I couldn’t do it. I’d been on such a good run with blogging for the past year and was feeling down about not posting. I really enjoy blogging but I feel like this year caught up with over me the last few weeks. I missed a few days, then it felt like a lot to catch up on and before I knew it, it was almost a month. I’m keen to update the last couple of weeks so I have memories to look at. Journaling is such a beautiful thing and once I started writing this,…

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Day 38: Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #20

Fitting that the 20th post in this series is being written in 2020. It’s been a while since I wrote one of these. This year started out pretty good, we woke up January 1st at the cottage and six days later I was in Cuba. The month flew by and I saw a lot of friends in February. Little did we know what March would bring and now, April is almost over and the world is a different place. We’re in a global pandemic, the death toll is rising everyday, people are out of work, businesses are collapsing. Yesterday 19 22 people died in a mass shooting in Nova Scotia. It’s a lot to process. I feel tired, sad, grief. I woke up overwhelmed by it all. I’m cold, my arm aches, maybe it’s the weather? I didn’t workout today. All I want to do is lay on the couch, read, or watch a movie that makes me feel warm inside. Around noon, I pulled myself together and put on a nicer sweatsuit for a trip to the post office. It was the first time I’d driven somewhere alone since lockdown. My weighted blanket of anxiety was heavy on my chest as I got in the truck and backed out the driveway. Why did I feel so nervous? I’m an experienced driver, I’ve driven the truck on the these roads heaps. I had a mask and gloves, my tracking numbers. You have to mentally and physically prepare every time you leave the house right now, plan your route, give yourself extra time. It’s hard to adjust to the way things are right now. Some days I’m happy in the isolation bubble, creating, making things, then days like today, it all hits me and I’m filled with anxiety. It’s ok to…

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Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #17

Next month my blog is 14 years old, can you believe that? I’ve been building my little piece of the internet and sharing stories longer than the time I’ve had this blog. Before WordPress, there was Blogger, MySpace, and MSN Spaces. I love sharing and being an ‘internet person’ but it can take a toll on you. I love it most the time, but sometimes, I don‘t feel like it. It’s Not Easy Being On The Internet It’s crazy the things people say on the internet when they’ve got a screen barrier to give them extra confidence. Often forgetting there’s a human on the other side, manning the comments. Like, a real human being with feelings. One little comment can stay in your head all day or a tweet can jump right through the screen and punch you in the heart. The other day I tweeted how ‘Having a sister is legit the best.” and a friend replied, “Yes it was”. I had to fight back tears. I know he lost his sister and maybe was having a hard day, I was too. I couldn’t get it out of my head. I called my sister crying. This comment made me think how ‘influencer culture’ has kinda made the internet worse. This was in response to a post I shared about #PinkShirtDay with Telus. I didn’t have to post about it, I wanted to. Telus has a great program and is invested in making a difference in communities across Canada. I love this about them. It seems like everything is sponsored these days. Is it bad? I don’t know! To each their own! We all have the ability to curate our feeds and if you think someone has too many sponsored posts, mute or unfollow them. Your feed, your life. I started…

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Blog Life: Sometimes I don’t feel like it. #11

I know today is Bell Let’s Talk day and I’m not sure how to talk about the depression and anxiety that I face or if I even want to. Being on the Internet in itself gives me anxiety. Some days I just don’t feel like it at all, written about it a few times.  Sometimes I want to hide and pretend I don’t even have a blog. (Or Twitter, tumblr, Facebook, Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, Selfish, Rdio, Google+, Vine, or phone.) I like keeping to myself on on those days, not sharing stories.  Being alone. My dad battled depression growing up and it was really hard for our family. He moved back to New Zealand to be with his family when my parents split up and it was tough for us. It sill is sometimes. * Thanks Andrew Mitchell for drawing this photo of me. I love it.   I want you to know that I too have days when I’m down and I’ve been through some very dark times and almost not made it through. It’s not always sunny where I am but I do try to bring my own sunshine to the internet each and every single time I make an appearance. My blog is a place you can count on to have bright colours and a fun photo. It’s helpful for me to look back and remember the good times too. This is a place to make you feel happy when a cloud tries to rain on your parade. I’ve worked through a bunch of sad days wondering what to do with my life and I made it through. Don’t ever give up. I wanted to quit blogging a few times over the last 10 years and I am damn well glad I didn’t. I want you to know, I am actually happy most of the time and I…

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This is My Life | Why Does Monday Suck Though?

‘Mondays are fine, you hate your job’ Years ago I worked as a tech recruiter in the financial district. We had a team meeting each morning at 8am. Thus meaning I would leave the house each day at 7:30am, dressed in a business type suit, with my briefcase style bag, Lenovo Thinkpad computer (it was 2008), and head down to Bay Street.  Around the 1-year mark on a Monday just before lunch, my boss pulled me into his office and said ‘Case, what’s wrong, you don’t seem your happy self?’ It was true. I wasn’t feeling it.  I didn’t want to do this job anymore.  I thought about quitting but I didn’t have much money and being lay off and getting two weeks would be much better. So, I toughed it out and kept going in for those early mornings. At this point, since my boss brought it up, I came out and said ‘I don’t wanna work here anymore’. He told me he knew and it was ok. we talked it out and I cleaned out my desk after lunch. They gave me 2 weeks pay and I never looked back. If you have going into work on Monday morning, BE THE CHANGE. Do something about it. There are heaps of new jobs in new industries being created each and every single day. or, if you’re not ready to leave your job, spend the weekend working on your hobby so you’ve got something exciting to think about. Work to make THAT your job. I work pretty much every single day, often less on weekends but sometimes more! Doing something I love means it doesn’t always feel like work. I mean sometimes I don’t feel like it but most the time I do. We only live once so don’t spent weeks, months, years doing…

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Tech | Download Your Classic MySpace Blog

I’m finally getting around to seriously book writing like I’ve been talking about for 10 years. Found a blog post from 2005 where I said I was writing a book [insert crying emoji]. April marks 10 years of blogging on my own blog platform. I rediscovered my old MySpace blogs today now that you can finally download them. MySpace had originally deleted ALL blogs without warning. Downloaded a heap of posts and went through all the HTML files renaming them. It felt good. Unfortunately I’ve lost my first, first ever blog from MicrosoftSpaces back in 2004 (they stopped helping users recover them in 2012). How To Download Your Classic MySpace Blog: Dig up that old login you haven’t used in ages and login to MySpace Go to to settings Click Account On the left you’ll see an option to migrate old photos to a new album and download old blogs Download. Took about 60 seconds to download my 100 posts in a .zip file Fall in love with your elf again OR have heaps of laughs at your MySpace selfies   One of the things I learned today was I haven’t changed that much. Well, I have but some things are still the same. I’m really inspired my going back over my old stuff and incredibly thankful that I didn’t give up and stop writing even though sometimes I really didn’t feel like blogging anymore.  See 10 posts titled ‘Sometimes I don’t feel like it‘ here. Recovered these old quizzes I shared back in 2006 from MySpace. Hahahaha Buzzfeed, you’re just stealing old ideas! Still love the Olsen Twins, still style twinning Nicole Richie, and still love summer. I remember reading this quote in high school and thought, I will write things worth reading and do things worth writing about, watch me! And that was after I’d already written…

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believe in your self, dedication and discipline

This article was in the Toronto Metro yesterday & written by Rea McNamara. If you click on it you can read it  easier (Mum/Dad/friends).  I’ve worked really hard the last couple years on this whole social media thing. SO MANY late nights at home alone  with my computer, fiddling around with blog posts, learning HTML, installing/fixing wordpress plugins, editing photos and more. I’ve got over 21,000 tweets for christs sake, that’s a big time investment right there. Building a brand online takes work,  it takes work every single day whether you are building it for personal or business use. You just gotta stick at it. One of the best things I learned from my Mum is “just because you don’t have money, doesn’t mean you can’t compete, it just means you have to be more creative“. Creativity & determination don’t cost anything, yet they have gotten me further than anything else.  All the social media sites I use are FREE. I use them often and yes, it takes up lots of my time but THAT has been my investment. It’s also how I got one of the coolest jobs ever. Thank you for the feedback & positive comments. I love hearing from you. Got some great messages from people lately that inspire me to stick at it when sometimes I don’t feel like internetting. April 27th is my blog’s birthday and I think it deserves a party.

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