“There’s a lot to be said for not giving two flying fuck’s Mr. Darwin.”
It’s from my book, I’ve been reading Generation A by Douglas Coupland. I like it. It’s interesting. He Tweets. I quite enjoyed a this bit of the book today when one of the characters, Zack said “To cope with this realization I chose nature’s ultimate ego-preservation tool: I chose not to give a shit”.
This book had a good story to me before I even cracked the spine. I won’t tell you after I read it. I love this time of year when the seasons change. Magic.
Woke up thinking I don’t want to share what I think/feel today. I’m gonna tell a story, not sure what but a story. Then I have several messages regarding a Twittascope Tweet (Twitter/Horoscope). I have trouble accessing the site, so I get ready, leave and have no idea what it says.
Part 2
Riding in the sunshine I hear “get off that bike, that’s nnot your bike”. Familiar face, man, beard, bike, running with dog on leash, he works near me. The bells are ringing and the GO train was fastly approaching. She raced it and crossed the tracks. She looked homeless and dressed in Mugatu Derilict. I asked if he wanted me to hold the dog so he could chase her. I see cops everyday when I ride around Liberty and was she she would not get away. I peddled hard across the tracks after the train and went after. No idea what I would do. I dreamed of throwing a side kick from my bike and knocking her down. Locking my bike while she scrambled then riding off on his to return it. However, I just followed her. Saw a police car and knew she was on the other side of the car park. Yelled out to him “she stole that bike”. Told him it was my friends and he was chasing her. He went to get her.
Your key planet Venus is encouraging you to boldly state your feelings out loud today. But you should think twice before doing something that can upset the delicate balance of power. Your life is already complicated enough; you don’t need to add another layer of emotional drama on top of everything else. Acknowledge your desires, but consider keeping them to yourself for now.
Interesting. Desires kept for another day……………………..
Part 4
The update: I called the police station and I recon they thought I was a nut. I told them some crazy homeless lady stole the bike of this nice bearded man and I chased the cop and told him to get her. Did he get her? Was the bike returned? I believe she listened to my little voice and though I was about 16. I did not get an answer.
I’ve been hoping to see the handsome bearded man, only then will I know what happened to his bike.
Rain today. Calming, refreshing, inspiring. I wear earphones to block out the noise. No noise. Silence helps me connect my thoughts. Creative thoughts. Creative thoughts on making things. Making things creative.
On the way in I saw an adorable old woman with a cane who had just placed a ‘P’ sign on the sidewalk in front of her house. There was already one car parked on the lawn. “That’ a great idea” I shouted. There are a few people around the are doing it while the CNE is on.
We wanted to do that at my old house on the Danforth during Taste of the Danforth since we lived right where the action was. We never ended up doing it because we always had friends over. They parked in the spots. I should have invited them over and said “hi friends, thanks for coming. It’s $10 to park here” . Haha, funny money.
The sun just came out. Wore two different socks today.
i don’t always have coffee but sometimes i do. i make patterns in some things and avoid them in others. i like to avoid doing things in sequence that seem predictable. like smoking for example. i rarely smoke at work or during the day. not that it makes it any better. i love croissants. plain. butter. i don’t mind so much when it rains.
it’s like winter, you have to dress for it. wellies are obvious. sabrina said ‘you have so many’ rain jackets. that’s because when it rains i get sad sometimes and when i have a nice jacket to wear i shift my perception that day and go ‘yes! i get to wear my rain coat’.
it’s about perception. thunder roar and lightning bolt. when i was studying kabbalah i learned about shifting how i traditionally look at things and seeing them from different angles. when you step outside your comfort level or normal behavior and look at things differently, you create open space for positivity in your life. you just gotta stay focused. you just gotta stay focused.
i woke up to the sun in my face and sabrina’s alarm going off repeatedly. i was so tired. yelled ‘turn it off’. i’ve done it too with the alarm beside my head and she had to come shut it off. deep sleep sometimes. put on my sleep mask and took in a few more hours. my body aches. sobey’s, every time i go there are people i run into. it was pouring down sheets of rain. wore my new wellies and a yellow jacket, perfect rain gear. keep telling myself to clean my room. i suck at it. tomato soup and toast for lunch, one of my favorites. clear your room. dying to watch annie hall for some reason. eagle tattoo is gone now. i’ve decided i like mimes.
i forgot my damn umbrella. you have a bunch of brolly’s at home, idiot. i want sunnies, mum and pat are enjoying my hand-me-downs. i wonder when jack will realize who mary jane is. he’s so stupid. rain all bloody weekend. where did summer go? know him, don’t make eye contact. nice pants, loser. getting aggravated by everyone. do i want a coffee? i got a jerk sandwich and thought of you. urgh, why do you have a nose ring dude? you’re not pulling it off very well for your over 30 age. why is everyone staring at me for fucks sake? am i naked? i like wearing hats. that orphan movie should be called there’s something about esther. freaky. kinda want one of those cheesy michael jackson shirts in china town. it’s so smelly and sick around here. if you wanna do something to stop eating, just go to china town. sick. thinking about the kitchens makes my stomach turn. nice dress, bad shoes. you’re an idiot. they’re gonna turn, you’ll get hit if you cross right now. i wonder what that company does? i forgot i have a huge eagle tattoo on my back. get batteries. get me home already. here comes the rain. no just kidding, spitting. last night was fun. so muggy out. yum, coleslaw. hurry up elevator. i’m getting pissed off. you’re not even gonna eat the jerk. what should i do? here comes the sun. here comes the sun.
I walked around for about an hour thinking about my life. I was having realizations and I felt like a crazy person.
It was as if I was in a fog. I was having anxiety.
Sometimes I freak out. Sometimes I don’t want to be on the internet anymore. Sometimes I don’t know what to do about stuff and sometimes I forget things. I started freaking about my last minute trip to a foreign country. Panicked. Instant attack.
I left the store. I walked down the street back in my own fog again. I’m nervous about going but then think not going would be silly too. For a bunch of different reasons. It’s a chance to relax and go some place cool with bunch of cool old friends. Relax.
I’m packing one bag; one nice outfiit, one dress, one piece bathing suit, one yoga mat. This is the relax retreat. A true mini vacation/airport tour. Vanilla as some may say.
I know when I come back Sunday I’ll have had lots of time with self. I love traveling; airport, airplane, people, waiting, watching, thinking, moving. I love being in motion.
i took a little walk this afternoon past the place we met. it reminded me of you. i remember you saying ‘even if the coffee wasn’t so good i’d still come for the music’. the music is always good. you told your friend ‘i’m gonna go talk to that girl’. i’m glad you did.
i’ve been feeling very positive and inspired despite drinking both nights this week. i managed to get to bed at a decent hour. taking a b50 complex every day helps too. sleeping with a sleep mask over my eyes keeps the sun out in the mornings. thanks Ellen for that one.
i hear that people get inspired by things i do and how i look at life. i’ve learned that more this week than ever. i actually heard it from a few people and it brightens my day to know i brought sunshine to someone elses. i look at each day with an open mind and i see beauty in little things that people miss when they are busy, stressed, focused etcetera.
i like how ‘etcetera’ looks when typed. there is a small shop in cambridge called etcetera and my second mum used to often get presents and kick-nacks there. it was beautiful and old and had glassware and picture frames and pewter stuff. i think it’s still here. i hope it is.
mexico here i come. i’m only there for about 48 hours. i WILL NOT FORGET CAMERA and will have new laptop (Bobby) there with me. thinking about doing something cool. i’d like to ustream from the resort. i love adventure and new airports. my friend i’m visiting is very chill and wants to relax. and that to me, sounded just right.
didn’t bike today. drove in with sabrina. feel really bad about having no helmet. as if today will be the day i get in an accident because i know i need a helmet and i told the internet i’m getting one. i’ll get one after work. feeling hungry and tired. i wonder what catering will bring for lunch? something good i hope. my youngest stewart cousin is six month pregnant. seems like that’s what all my kiwi cousins do as soon as they get close to twenty, marry & make babies. i guess having family around makes a big difference.
i’ve grown up without having aunts, uncles, cousins and stuff around. i have to look out for myself. i never went to an ontario private school like some other kids i know. not saying that mum and dad aren’t there because they are, but after them, it’s the friends i call family. friends are good family, you get to pick them. i’m gonna get a pedicure at lunch today. it’s been a while and i just wanna relax. i wore a sweater today that i got in niagara falls, NY when i was about 10. we went with the burchells for a dance competition. showstopper – american dance championships. i got it at united colours of benetton, it has a nautical theme. i’ve always loved it and it still fits so i’m keeping it forever now.
i do that with clothes. it’s not just a sweater, or skirt…it’s a memory of where and when i got it and how it makes me feel. i get attached to my clothes and that’s why i keep them, i donate and give away some, but most of them stay. i’ll be a hundred with the most massive collection, when I think about that it makes me happy. everything i have now will be vintage then. well, if we get past 2012. this sweater makes me feel cool, like a kid and like a vintage clothes hoarder. mum has so many clothes. jenie does too. i love thinking about dance competitions. i used to do alot when i was little. got taken out of school and traveled to different cities to perform. it was the most fun. today, i wish i could go back in time and do it all again.
….i’m feeling tonight is borderline artistic time, it happens about once a month. been working in the new sketch books.
I loved seeing you last night. Your smile. Your laugh. Your arms. I like the way you make me feel. Happy. Your honesty is admired. I love you too much to let you just go. You make me happy and you also see right through my charade. I know you do. I like it but it scares me. More than anything. A scared-ness I like, I love. A scared that makes me love you even more because you, you are the only one who I let see the real me. To me, you are the greatest. I wanted to tell you last night but I didn’t……I love you.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
