Ask yourself this every single day. 

I’m sitting in the Boston Logan Airport lounge listening to music and soaking up as much free wifi as a girl can. I got to thinking about life and goals and what I dreamed of doing and where I’m going. Not like, back to Toronto but where am I really going? I think January is a time everyone does that introspective look into their life and wonders, what am I doing? It’s probably also why people get sad and maybe have breakdowns! Last year in January I considered giving up blogging and getting a 9-5 job. I’m really glad I didn’t. 

The last two years have been filled with all kinds of things I only ever dreamed would happen. How did I get to do them? How did I make them  reality? I feel inspired to tell you today.

When I was in Australia at Uni (2004 & pre-blog) I often felt homesick. I missed my sister terribly and everyone from home seemed light years away. One fine day I went to a bookstore in search of  ’something’ that would give me guidance or direction or make me feel better.  I picked up The Power of Kabbalah by Yehuda Berg, a book that claimed to be ‘technology for the soul’. I went home and read it cover to cover in one sitting, staying up all night, moving from couch to bed to floor until it was finished.  I was not raised religious and this book wasn’t about that at all. It was about the power of the universe and creating the life you wanted.  It was spiritual wisdom. It helped me realize that I could have everything I ever wanted. It helped me understand that I already did.

As I embarked on this journey of self discovery (I know how gay that sounds but it is true) I started to change how I thought about things. I’ve always been fairly positive but I really shifted my consciousness to see the light in every situation. By making this change I opened up a whole new realm of my life to accept positivity and my life began to change, for the better. I started writing things down, setting clear goals and striving to surround myself with inspiring people.

I learned something during that time that has stuck with me much longer than the red Kabbalah string on my wrist. It’s a quote by Hillel the Elder and it really inspired me. It’s been adapted by lots of people & things over history including the song “If not not, when?” by Incubus. I ask myself this every single day…

If I am not for myself, who will be for me?

If I am not for others, what am I?

And if not now, when?

Paint a positive picture of your future and go for it. There is nothing holding you back or standing in your way. Your life is your movie and you are the director. Go out there and GET IT. It’s TIME.

I used to write all the time and this year I’m going to write more. Next up on the blog is goal setting and people who positively influence me. I meant to write ‘block’ in that sentence but typed blog instinctively. The blog becomes you, I swear!  Time to catch up on my Young & the Restless and fly home.

Love & light my friends, 

<3 CASIE

* photo by Taylor Jackson at the Venetian in Las Vegas, Nevada 2012

Once I thought I lost the contents my first external hard drive. It was November 16, 2005. I was heart broken. Like no other love I’ve ever had, it was my everything.

Devastated. Distraught. Thinking about that day now, and you reading this, my heart, it still hurts, feels like like a day old punch.

I went to the bar and I got a martini. What the hell else was I supposed to do, I LOST  goddamn EVERYTHING?! There was a hole in my heart. And it was bleeding. So I wrote…

#1

now i must write.
today i think i lost my work, my life my story.
my external drive showed up empty.
my brain is very full.
the words i wrote, can not be gone.
i must remember what is lost.
_______________

#2

where what now
here me loud
my story goes untold
a life worth living
a legend will unfold

_________________

#3

life lost.
a legend burried deep within the walls
four of them that hold my life
a broken link holds it togehter
a photo in my mind
it is all remembered.
__________________

Later that day, I decided to take all the cords apart (there were two to connect it to my PC, it was 2006) and put them back together.

It turned back on. I didn’t  lose anything. The end.

Lessons learned:

1) Make sure you back up. 2) Drama inspires creativity.  3) I might be rtrd.

I love discovering new things.

Last month Google rolled out www.wdyl.com and I just found out about it from Techcrunch. It’s hard to keep up on all the Google gossip! With all the talk about Google+ lately, I see how it slipped by most peoples radar. I checked it out last night & found an interesting discovery…

Here we go:

Went to the site, searched something I love (uh, myself! You would search yourself too right?). Found a few things, including explore “casie stewart” in 3D with Google Sketchup. You can create anything 3D there, haven’t tried it yet.  Youtube channel and gmail came up along with searches in blogs, photos, and books.

Books? I recognize that book. That’s my book.

I wrote when I was 14 with Holly Heiblinger, it’s called JEANS. Published Canadian Author, oh yeah. I’ve never seen it online. I mean, I never reallllllly looked but there she is right in Google Books and the library archives.

I was mega involved with writing and my community at that age. Our book is categorized in Canadian poetry (English) 20th century, Literary Collections / Canadian, Children’s Literature & Teenagers’ writings, Canadian (English). It’s no longer in print so don’t try to order one! I’ve only got a couple draft copies. Reckon Mum might have some in the basement.

I used to write heaps. Well, I still write lots but more diary than poetry. One say I will escape to a far away place and get all the notes from the notebooks into digital form. Maybe with my new computer? Omg, I ‘m getting a new computer today.

Downloaded a poetry magnet app for iPad called Verses Poetry. I like to play on/with words. Need to get more words unlocked though, running slim on options.

Spent lots of time with Andy (my iPad) this weekend. Maybe deep down I know that he’s about to get less attention when the new guy comes home today. We’ll see. There’s enough room in my heart for all the gadgets

I closed my blinds last night and got to thinking about Japan. In bed with iPad & Android, I looked outside, the lake was calm.  I said goodnight to Twitter. I don’t usually do that, I often leave like an irish goodbye.

I said goodbye because I love my friends and in the back of my head I know that so many people in Japan woke up Friday morning and never got a chance to say goodbye. They woke up to their houses and lives right fucked up. I can only imagine that happening. There is no word to explain how is makes me feel when I watch those videos over and over. It’s like a movie but it’s not a movie, its real.

The world trade centre, that was real. We all remember that day. I remember lots of other stuff in my life but that WTC stands out as something totally monumental, like Japan. I will never get any of these images out of my head. The water rushing over the city, the planes crashing into the buildings. Yes, one distaster was man made and one natural but to me, they are the biggest I’ve ever seen.

The thing that really is blowing my mind is the severity, scale and consequences of it all.

How the hell do you fix a first world nation that’s been shaken, stirred and radiated? Japan was pretty much run through the dishwasher. There’s going to be a massive ripple affect on society from this. Japan is home to vehicles and electronics that WE love. It is the third largest national economy in the world after US and China in GDP & purchasing power parity (aka PPP if you forgot). I read on Bloomberg.com that Cannon, Sony, Panasonic, Toyota, Honda, Sapporo have all suspended production. I love Sapporo! I have a Cannon!

Never have I ever seen something so massive and destructive my entire life, but then again none of us have. There was no YouTube, no live blog, no twitter when I was young. The world has changed.

I’m suddenly reminded of school, I have a B.Comm Degree in International Business & a Diploma in Marketing. I love learning and the world economy. Blogging is all about learning, so is the internet. The curious ones learn to use and share it and they get ahead. I’m really interested to see what happens now and how the situation in Japan affects and brings the world together. I really hope it gets better and not worse. The amount of after shocks and rising death toll are scary. I’m thankful to live in Canada. Canada has a long standing history of being friends with Japan and I want to help.

A Toronto fundraising event, JapanQuakeTO, is being organized for March 31 for victims of Japan. Imagine we ALL buy a ticket and donate a prize that goes up for silent auction. Think about how much stuff that is, lots. I can’t just sit here and not do something. Last year over 200 people attended HaiHaiTO in support of Haiti and I was proud to be part of that team.

I’m ready to do it again.

How long have you been reading stories? Forever.

How many stories do you read a day? Where do you read them? How long are they? Who is in them? What are they doing?

What are you doing when you read them? What are you reading? Why are you reading it? How does the story make you feel?

What do you think about them? Where are you when you read it?

Think about it.
Read more.

Restless

Its a thin line that divides the ocean and the sky.
A thin line which divides you and I.
A small space.
Without a trace, feelings vanish before my eyes.
People leave to go back home and I am left here all alone.
Resting by the ocean and taking in the sky.
The waves are restless and so am I.

Written:2004 Posted: May 22, 2006

Found these old pix as I was traveling through a time warp in MSN hotmail land from 2005-2006.

I had really dark hair for a season here and there. I lived in New York and Indiana. I dated a hockey player. Seems so weird and long ago that life.

It’s crazy how much we change as time goes by. I’ve been through so many different stages and likes, habits and hobbies.

When I really think about it like now it’s quite amazing. I’m really excited for the future.

Who knows what I will get up to, my wildest dreams I guess.  I’m happy to get wiser as I get older too, make better decisions that way.

Have a great day

“Be careful what you wish for” Mum said to me today as I was chatting her about what I’m up to. She called via Skype from the boat on the East Coast of Canada. Been a couple days since we last taked. Before she went on her sailing trip we used to chat almost daily. I would fill her on on what I’m up to. She inspires me, always has. I miss her.  Everything I’m doing r I always wanteight now… the parties, the makeup the hair the clothes. It’s all new to me.  I always wanted to be doing this stuff. Mum says luck is where preperation meets opportunity. I feel grateful. I’ve worked my ass off the last few years.

I arrived in Toronto five years ago post uni in Australia. Back then, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do. I just did it. I believed in myself and I worked hard at whatever it was I was doing. When I was younger I used to say I wanted to be really well known for being good at something, I wasn’t sure what it was yet.  Maybe I still don’t? Either way, I have always been determined. When I really want to do something there is little to no stopping me. Mum will for SURE tell you that. I want to interview her one day so you can meet her.  She’s not been able to read my blog much from the boat, she usually reads it daily to see what I’m up to. She said it makes her happy. It makes me happy too.

I love looking back on what I was doing previous years, same time.  Makes me dream big about what I might be doing next year. Quite looking forward to the long  flight to New Zealand, that twenty or so hours to myself is going to be magical. I wonder if there will be internet? I hope no.

Hope you are not annoyed with my TIFFing. I am excited and I will continue to be excited about my life. You should be excited for yours too. It’s the only one you will ever have.

Thank you for reading. Love Casie xo

I was a young entrepreneur.

When I was 13, in grade 8, before I had internet, I started a publishing campany called Jeans Publishing with my friend Holly and the help of our Mums. We got funding to start our business and began taking on the DIY (do it yourself) circuit around Ontario attending conferences and seimnars on evenings and weekends.  We often set up a booth to talk about what we were doing and where we wanted to go. We though it was important for young people to have their work published, we were tired of people not taking us seriously just because we were youth. So, we did it ourselves.

We started a quarterly newsletter called Jeans Material where we published young peoples work and sent it out to out to over 100 subscribers across Canada. Each subscriber paid $5 for a one year subscription and we printed them all ourselves. We were official with our ISSN which allowed the identification of our serial publication.

We wrote an anthology of poetry and prose called JEANS and in 1996 I became a Published Canadian Author. Our book launch was at the Preston Library Branch on November 7, 1996 and we sold 81 books that night. One dollar from the sale of each book went to the local womens crisis shelter. This is me presenting the cheque. Don’t laugh at my bangs, there were horrible back then.

Jeans was an acronym that stood for Junior Education & Achivement Network System (tongue twister?). I’ve hunted around the internet to find stuff about it but it was so long ago, there’s nothing. (I’m sure newspaper archives exist.) Here’s what I have kicking around the house, most our stuff back at Mum’s tucked away.

We were in heaps of papers and it makes me feel really proud to look back at it. It was a really special and inspired time for me. I did some of my best writing ever back then. Highschool is hard and this gave me a creative outlet and kept me busy. We often spoke at promary school about the importance of reading, writing and following your goals

I was nominated for a YTV achievement award in the category of Writing. I got to go the ceremony and actually sat beside NicK & Drew Lachey from 98 Degrees.  I had NO idea who they were until they went on stage and waved at my sister and I. Robyn performed, she was great.

At 16, after heaps of involvement in the community and serving a year as PR Director for the City Youth Council, I was awarded Young Entrepreneur of the Year for the city of Cambridge. My school was given $1,500 for new computer equipment and Darryl Sitler presented the award at a ceremony.  I went on to wint he Miss Teen 1996 pageant and completed my three year term on the City Youth Council.

I really like helping people get following their dreams as mine have always inspired me. This past year, I was a mentor for Humber College’s Personal Brand Camp and a guest speaker at Mashable’s Social Media Day in Toronto. Next week I’m doing a webinar about personal branding for the Canadian Youth Business Foundation.

If you would like to check it out see their blog post here or sign up for the webinar. I promise not to be boring

When I was in grade school I was part of a skipping team for the Heart & Stroke Foundation. We went around to schools like yours and did crazy tricks like doing a cartweheel in to a double dutch with chinese ropes. We practiced often and had heaps of tricks. We were called the Preston Pump-Ups. We had one routien called 12th Street Rag and the melody got faster and faster and you had to speed up your steps. If you lasted till the end, you were good. I could do it pretty well. I really loved skipping.

(photo via laurencephilomene)

The content. The character.
The me. The judge.

Judge of content.
Character, the judge.

The judge of character.
The character of content.

Content my judge.
Of me, my character.

* wordplay

eye see rad people.