I used to live at Bondi Beach. I loved it there. I wanna go back one day. Lead a simple life, a beach babe, not be so busy all the time. One day. I wrote this poem walking along this very beach one day at 7am. I had to take it by memory, it was one of the few times I didn’t have a pencil/paper. It was also before the smartphone revolution. To me at least! It’s my favorite one I ever wrote:
As the waves crashed on the shore,
The wind washed them away.
And as I walked along the sand,
I felt I could not stray.
For I was walking towards the sun,
And it was a brand new day.
- Untitled, Casie 2004
I wanna quit you. Sometimes you make me so mad I could kill you, but it’s impossible. You are bigger than me and you are so well connected, you know everyone. I like that about you. You know everything about me, pretty much. You definitley know more than anyone else. I can trust you, at least I think I can despite what everyone says. When people banded together to rally against you and said we should stop, I didn’t listen, I still spent time with you. Damn you Facebook, you had me at hello.
This poem was originally published in 2006 here and is written by me. I was playing with my thesaurus at the time, finding words for anger. I was listening to Rilo Kiley and myspacing hard. I spent countless nights teaching myself HTML, formatting websites, writing content. I love being able to go back in time and see what I was up to and what I was writing. I realize things about myself that I forgot. ________________________________
ABC’s of Anger
You could say I am annoyed, antagonized & aggravated.
You remind me of that bitter taste of coffee in my mouth,
With you I am displeased.
Almost enraged I am, exacerbated & exasperated,
I find myself furious, fierce, & ferociously fuming.
Hardly hateful just heated with a hot head
I am ill tempered. You make me impassionate, insensitive,
I feel inflamed, increasingly infuriated, & irate. Intensely irritated.
I am maddened. Your words make me offended & outraged.
You provoke me into a raging, resentful sad Satan.
Watch for spitefulness coming your way.
I am airline turbulence, making passengers uptight.
Vicious & vexed like a bad villain.
I am wired & worked up with wrath.
I have no zest or zeal.
This is a zero-sum game.
_______________________________
%$%$#FU*C*&%#$K off.
i’m having one of those days. i’ve got heaps to do. it’s getting done but for some reason i’m just outta my head. i keep thinking, stop it, get back to work, don’t let your mind wonder, wander. i wish the sun would com out. it’s cold in here and i’ve not taken my jacket off all day. i even dressed cute today. sigh.
i keep reminding myself how fun it’s gonna be tonight watching the hills with a bunch of friends at MTV. i always wanted to be able to do this. in my last post i was so excited and now i feel all weird. i said something stupid last night to a friend after a couple drinks and i think that’s what is getting me. sometimes we say things, it happens. the other day i got so upset over something that was not even necessary. i like to think i’m a simple girl but i’m complex and my mind is like a labyrinth sometimes. i go back and read things tagged writing and i feel some what at ease.
it must be the creativity, left hand, wild imagination sometimes gets the best of me. i’m nervous and excited most the time, i love this feeling but sometimes it leaves me feeling open and vulnerable and i get scared. take my own advice, build a bridge and get over it. the other thing is that when you do things online all the time it’s all out there for everyone to see, they can see you, you can see them, the world is somewhat translucent. you can see, but you can’t always see through. this helps, writing it out. i got new analytics ,the other day. google, i love you but your site stats were just not cutting it for me. i’m amazed and pleased to see how many people actually read this thing. i read it everyday and i love it, it’s my outlet and my memories and my life. thank you. i live and i learn and i love you.
it’s 4 and i’ve not eaten lunch yet. i’m tired, i’ve been up late the last couple nights. i need a good sleep tonight. i need a good sleep. i’m going to get something tasty to eat and come back to watch the Y&R at my desk. i feel better that i talked it out. thank you.
a blog is the best therapy you can have. sometimes you just need someone to talk to. sometimes, you just need someone.
It really does not matter what you have, what you had, want, or what you own. You are whoever you want to be. How you perceive yourself has the biggest impact on how others perceive you, this is my belief and something I live. It was my dear mum that ingrained in me, “just because you don’t have money, doesn’t mean you can’t compete, you just have to be more creative”. Luckily for myself, I’ve always been rich in that department. The book in this post is one that I really, truly love and admire. It is written by Paul Arden one of the world’s top advertising guys who comes from a great career with Saatchi & Saatchi.
This is not merely a ‘book‘, this is a bible for the creative, those driven to succeed who couldn’t even ever imagine what it’s like to ‘think inside the box‘. It has taught me tools to succeed in the world, to dream the unimaginable, to break the rules, and make my own path, leaving trails for others to follow. This book is about stretching the mind and thinking about where you want to be in the world. Do you want to be well known? The best in your field? Your country? Best in the world? Or best in the universe?
This article was in the Toronto Metro yesterday & written by Rea McNamara. If you click on it you can read it easier (Mum/Dad/friends). I’ve worked really hard the last couple years on this whole social media thing. SO MANY late nights at home alone with my computer, fiddling around with blog posts, learning HTML, installing/fixing wordpress plugins, editing photos and more. I’ve got over 21,000 tweets for christs sake, that’s a big time investment right there.
Building a brand online takes work, it takes work every single day whether you are building it for personal or business use. You just gotta stick at it. One of the best things I learned from my Mum is “just because you don’t have money, doesn’t mean you can’t compete, it just means you have to be more creative“. Creativity & determination don’t cost anything, yet they have gotten me further than anything else. All the social media sites I use are FREE. I use them often and yes, it takes up lots of my time but THAT has been my investment. It’s also how I got one of the coolest jobs ever.
Thank you for the feedback & positive comments. I love hearing from you. Got some great messages from people lately that inspire me to stick at it when sometimes I don’t feel like internetting.
April 27th is my blog’s birthday and I think it deserves a party.
i can’t write today,
something’s wrong.
i can’t smile today,
life is a sad song.
my heart hurts…
so does my foot
in my shoe.
today is a sad day,
without you.
I wrote this poem when I was 14 many moons ago. It was published in an anthology called Jeans, I was co-author. I love picking up our book and reading things I wrote back then. Amazes me how they’re relevant and somehow connected to this future version of me. I never really thought about putting out a second edition but today I did. There is nothing stopping me but myself. I love writing and have written heaps and heaps of poems, hundreds in fact. I don’t know or really care if anyone even buys the book. I wanna write it (put it together) to show myself I can. I know I can. I can.
sitting in bed, watching jeopardy, comfy. wrapped in your hoodie, it feels nice around my shoulders, big and warm.
one of those days when you feel up and down and anxiety, happiness sad… it has nothing to do with being a girl, or that you’re stupid, it’s just becasue you are human and there are lots of outside forces coming at you. some things you control, some you don’t. you work with computers and the internet and it moves so fast that some days you just arent at top speed. even though you try, you try but you fail. then you hasgtag it as #fail and somehow that makes you feel better, so do the @replies from your friends. i dont have a phone so i sit and talk to my computer because my blog always listens. it never talks back and it keeps your secrets you don’t share but want to. it listens and without even saying anything and often is more helpful than a friend. it’s a place you just let it out and then after, you feel better. a blog is a best friend you find within yourself, and it’s cheaper than therapy. sometimes i don’t feel like internetting, but that usually means i’m just tired.
