The content. The character.
The me. The judge.

Judge of content.
Character, the judge.

The judge of character.
The character of content.

Content my judge.
Of me, my character.

* wordplay

eye see rad people.

Put on some music miss thang, turn it up. Put on the lights and wear something cute. Headband hairpiece helps. Put all the clothes on the bed. Organize the empty hangers. Get the bins to throw stuff in. Put on lipstick. Put your clothes away. It doesn’t reallllllllly take that long. Clean up the other crap you’ve collected and throw shit out. Put clean sheets on the bed. Make bed, lay on top, relax. Look at the cleanness of the place, feel good. Go out and play.

Can’t focus. Keep thinking of you. Keep thinking about the impact you’ll have on my future. Our connection, your energy, my energy. So cold right now you are.You melt, I taste you. You feel nice on my skin, you feel nice all over me. When will I see you? Feel you. I don’t know. You are moving closer to me every single day.

The iceberg.

Ok true, not true. Kinda. The world isn’t what it used to be. The way we get and recieve information, what shows are on TV, where the news comes from. We’re all playing in this game of sharing and wanting attention. Pay attention to me, look what I’m doing, look what they are doing. Look, listen, watch, read. Nothing is new but everything is recreated, remixed, revisited, reshared. I’m one to talk, I share hard. I share often because I want you to listen, I want you to care. It’s a never ending life stream. Don’t ever let it end. I want to remember it all. What did I do last week? Lemme check my blog. Maybe one day I will be a reality show. Maybe I am, right here? I love the internet, if not for the internet, would you still know me? Would you care about what I’m doing? Would I know you? Well, I do care and I do want to know what people are doing. It inspires me to see people succeeding. Makes me wanna try harder. Reach higher.

There’s a thought for the day.

I used to live at Bondi Beach. I loved it there. I wanna go back one day. Lead a simple life,  a beach babe, not be so busy all the time. One day. I wrote this poem walking along this very beach one day at 7am. I had to take it by memory, it was one of the few times I didn’t have a pencil/paper. It was  also before the smartphone revolution. To me at least!  It’s my favorite one I ever wrote:

As the waves crashed on the shore,
The wind washed them away.
And as I walked along the sand,
I felt I could not stray.
For I was walking towards the sun,
And it was a brand new day.
- Untitled, Casie 2004

I wanna quit you. Sometimes you make me so mad I could kill you, but it’s impossible. You are bigger than me and you are so well connected, you know everyone. I like that about you. You know everything about me, pretty much. You definitley know more than anyone else.  I can trust you, at least I think I can despite what everyone says. When people banded together to rally against you and said we should stop, I didn’t listen, I still spent time with you. Damn you Facebook, you had me at hello.

Hold back the night

For I fear the darkness

Take control and keep me safe

Hold back the night

For I cannot live without the light

Upon my face

Hold back the night

For my love will leave me

When the dark night approaches

published may 22, 2006

This poem was originally published in 2006 here and is written by me. I was playing with my thesaurus at the time,  finding words for anger. I was listening to Rilo Kiley and myspacing hard. I spent countless nights teaching myself HTML, formatting websites,  writing content.  I love being able to go back in time and see what I was up to and what I was writing. I realize things about myself that I forgot. ________________________________

ABC’s of Anger

You could say I am annoyed, antagonized & aggravated.
You remind me of that bitter taste of coffee in my mouth,
With you I am displeased.
Almost enraged I am, exacerbated & exasperated,
I find myself furious, fierce, & ferociously fuming.
Hardly hateful just heated with a hot head
I am ill tempered. You make me impassionate, insensitive,
I feel inflamed, increasingly infuriated, & irate. Intensely irritated.
I am maddened. Your words make me offended & outraged.
You provoke me into a raging, resentful sad Satan.
Watch for spitefulness coming your way.
I am airline turbulence, making passengers uptight.
Vicious & vexed like a bad villain.
I am wired & worked up with wrath.
I have no zest or zeal.
This is a zero-sum game.
_______________________________
%$%$#FU*C*&%#$K off.

i’m having one of those days. i’ve got heaps to do.  it’s getting done but for some reason i’m just outta my head. i keep thinking, stop it, get back to work, don’t let your mind wonder, wander. i wish the sun would com out. it’s cold in here and i’ve not taken my jacket off all day. i even dressed cute today. sigh.

i keep reminding myself how fun it’s gonna be tonight watching the hills with a bunch of friends at MTV.  i always wanted to be able to do  this. in my last post i was so excited and now i feel all weird.  i said something stupid last night to a friend after a couple drinks and i think that’s what is getting me.  sometimes we say things, it happens. the other day i got so upset over  something that was  not even necessary. i like to think i’m a simple girl but i’m complex and  my mind is like a labyrinth sometimes. i go back and read things tagged writing and i feel some what at ease.

it must be the creativity, left hand, wild imagination sometimes gets the best of me. i’m nervous and excited most the time, i love this feeling but sometimes it leaves me feeling open and vulnerable and i get scared.  take my own advice, build  a bridge and get over it. the other thing is that when you do things online all the time it’s all out there for everyone to see, they can see you, you can see them, the world is somewhat translucent. you can see, but you can’t always see through. this helps, writing it out. i got  new analytics ,the other day. google, i love you but your site stats were just not cutting it for me.  i’m amazed and pleased to see how many people  actually read this thing. i read it everyday and i love it, it’s my outlet and my memories and my life. thank you. i live and i learn and i love you.

it’s 4 and i’ve not eaten lunch yet. i’m tired, i’ve been up late the last couple nights. i need a good sleep tonight. i need a good sleep. i’m going to get something tasty to eat and come back to watch the Y&R at my desk. i feel better that i talked it out.  thank you.

a blog is the best therapy you can have. sometimes you just need someone to talk to.  sometimes, you just need someone.

up early feeling great. doing work today. blogs. magazine. facebook. twitter. doesn’t feel like work. could do it all day. i do.

you’re doing it. just want you wanted to. i’m proud of you.

realization
motivation

reach for the sky
its not as far as you think