i don’t know, sometimes i just don’t feel like it

Feeling refreshed today. Got up, made coffee sun is shining bright. Full moon last night was a real beaut, that Shewolf came outta my closet. Dreamt I dyed my hair silver grey and shaved both sides. Grew it longer on top too, it looked awesome. It just might look awesome.  Started watching Secret Diary of a Call girl online, it’s a pretty entertaining show.  Especially Friday night at home alone &  cozy in your bed. I rely on my phone alarm and it stuffed up twice this week freezing in the night, thus meaning I wake with just enough time, but no extra. Drives me freaking bananas, that extra time is the whole reason I SET an alarm. Next week, new alarm.  I spent a while reading Tavi Genston’s blog last night. You know her? She’s the new girl in town, Style Rookie, a serious 13 year old fashion blogger. She’s 100% awesome. Skipped last night’s AdWeek ball to hibernate in my cave.  I go through stages every once in a while where I don’t feel like internetting.  Last night, that’s how I felt, internet overload. Today, ready again but still hibernating where it’s sunny and warm 🙂

View Post

Day 445: Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #21

It’s been a little while since I updated and to be honest, I just didn’t feel like it. Over the last 20 days, I often opened WordPress to write so many times but ended up saving drafts, only counting the days. The last 2 weeks have been hard, we’re still in lockdown, I haven’t been vaccinated, I miss my parents, going places, doing things. Sometimes I just don’t feel like it, being on the internet, sharing my life. Over the years I’ve written 20 posts with this same title, you can read them here. Work is going good and I’ve finally gotten into the groove of being an employee, it took 8-10 weeks. I hadn’t worked full-time since 2013 so it was quite an adjustment. I really love the work I’m doing and can’t wait to share an exciting project. I’ve been riding my bike a lot lately, and going for walks after work, seeing friends in the park. It’s the only thing keeping me sane! With the pandemic, work, relationships, family, and general anxiety, I haven’t felt like sharing here. I still post something to my IG Stories most days, Instagram, or pop up on Twitter but each time I went to write, I couldn’t do it. I’d been on such a good run with blogging for the past year and was feeling down about not posting. I really enjoy blogging but I feel like this year caught up with over me the last few weeks. I missed a few days, then it felt like a lot to catch up on and before I knew it, it was almost a month. I’m keen to update the last couple of weeks so I have memories to look at. Journaling is such a beautiful thing and once I started writing this,…

View Post

Day 38: Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #20

Fitting that the 20th post in this series is being written in 2020. It’s been a while since I wrote one of these. This year started out pretty good, we woke up January 1st at the cottage and six days later I was in Cuba. The month flew by and I saw a lot of friends in February. Little did we know what March would bring and now, April is almost over and the world is a different place. We’re in a global pandemic, the death toll is rising everyday, people are out of work, businesses are collapsing. Yesterday 19 22 people died in a mass shooting in Nova Scotia. It’s a lot to process. I feel tired, sad, grief. I woke up overwhelmed by it all. I’m cold, my arm aches, maybe it’s the weather? I didn’t workout today. All I want to do is lay on the couch, read, or watch a movie that makes me feel warm inside. Around noon, I pulled myself together and put on a nicer sweatsuit for a trip to the post office. It was the first time I’d driven somewhere alone since lockdown. My weighted blanket of anxiety was heavy on my chest as I got in the truck and backed out the driveway. Why did I feel so nervous? I’m an experienced driver, I’ve driven the truck on the these roads heaps. I had a mask and gloves, my tracking numbers. You have to mentally and physically prepare every time you leave the house right now, plan your route, give yourself extra time. It’s hard to adjust to the way things are right now. Some days I’m happy in the isolation bubble, creating, making things, then days like today, it all hits me and I’m filled with anxiety. It’s ok to…

View Post

Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #19 – It’s Ok.

You would think that after being away at the cottage for nearly two weeks I’d be clear-headed and ready to hit the ground running but I’M NOT. I’m distracted, frustrated, and wondering what I’m doing with my life! I played this song yesterday and sang out loud in my room. I’m just not sure what to do! I thought a lot about what I’ve been working on the last while and I don’t really want to do the same stuff anymore. I need a shift. Change. Check back in a week, maybe I’ll feel different, maybe I’ll feel same?

View Post

Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #16

I’ve been laying low the last month, posting less, staying in. I just haven’t felt like it. The other day I wrote down something I overheard Sean said on the phone when someone asked how things were, he said “a mix of awesome and shitty“. It stuck with me, that’s how I’ve been feeling the last month. On November 21st I was given a prestigious award from the President of Conestoga College, Alumni of Distinction. It was a proud moment when I sat at the back of the crowd with my mum and my ‘Fairy Godmother‘ (mum’s best friend) who watched me walk up and make a speech in front of the group. It felt amazing to be recognized for my career, not something that was voted on by social media but actually recognized by people older than me who didn’t really know me personally.  This part of the night was awesome.  It was really cold that night we were happy to get home and cheers over a glass of wine. We were all filled with such excitement. We weren’t up late but I went outside for a minute before bed. This part of the night was shitty. I slipped on some ice on the concrete stairs outside mum’s house. I fell on the concrete steps resulting in a black eye and later found out I fractured my collarbone. I went to the doctor the next day, swollen and bruised. I got acupuncture. I felt like garbage, how could this happen? I barely remember falling, mum holding frozen peas on my head, the drive back home the following day. I tried to hide it, act like nothing was wrong. I covered up my face, wore glasses, stayed home from events. As for my shoulder, it was 1 week and a trip to New Orleans before I thought, ‘ I really…

View Post

You’re like 9 to 5, I’m the Weekend

I am so happy it’s finally NICE OUT. I know I’ve been a bit quiet and not posting as much the last couple weeks but I needed a break. Sometimes I go through stages where I don’t feel like sharing my life online. It can honestly be kind of overwhelming. Last week we spent 6 days at the cottage and it was just the reset I needed. This weekend we’re heading back up for 3 days and I’m going to do some gardening with Sean’s mum. I think it’s important to recognize when you need a break. I’m feeling a bit more inspired to wrote and share. I’ve been working on a few things behind the scenes with 1188 and other clients. On a side note, the tray and plates in the first post were on sale at Loblaws, I love them! This weekend I’ll spend some time catching up on posts and fill you in on what I’ve been up to.  

View Post

Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #15

I didn’t realize how many days it has been since I blogged. There’s a handful of photos ready to publish in posts with no words. I haven’t had them to write. I mean they’re always floating around my head and in notes on my phone. Sometimes I don’t feel like sharing. It all sounds so dramatic when I write it down, I’ve just been working on other stuff.  A whole life happens behind scenes of a blog, with clients, speaking, freelance writing, new work, family time. This weather is 100% not helping my desire to stay cooped up in the house though. Binge-watching show after show, I’ve only gone to the store 1 block away since Sunday. Yesterday I watched a season and a half of Doctor Foster on Netflix. Today I’m going to make date scones and spaghetti bolognese.   It’s ok to stay inside. It’s ok to not want to share on social media. It’s cool to spend heaps of time hibernating and feeding your soul. Soon enough spring will come and we’ll all be outside spinning in the sunshine. I think of those days and feel warm inside. Until then, I’m ok staying cooped up in the house and keep a little quiet, low key. And here we go, it’s SNOWING AGAIN…    

View Post

Sometimes I don’t feel like it #14

I started this post in the spring and it’s been sitting in drafts for a while. Sometimes I just don’t feel like it. I love writing and blogging but sometimes I really don’t feel like sharing my life online. It’s the social media that stresses me out.  I daydream and think about people who just go to work and don’t have Facebook, they walk in a crowd listening to music never thinking about sharing it or seeing someone from Instagram. They don’t have to pretend they didn’t see that person they’re friends with on Facebook, passing them on the street.  I don’t remember what that’s like. I know I created this, but that doesn’t mean it’s not overwhelming sometimes. The world of social media and the internet have blown the F UP. Everyone and their dog has a blog or Instagram now. It’s almost impossible to avoid. I try though. I spend heaps of time up at the cottage, in the wilderness, I’ve been taking more breaks, but then I get anxiety because I haven’t posted. If you’re having a bad day or not feeling well, social media can be the worst, endless scrolling of perfect lives and happy faces.  And even though you know it’s not all ‘really’ like that all the time, it can get to you. Last week when I was sick I felt like garbage on the outside and social media was not helping, I started feeling like garbage on the inside, about myself. This weekend I shaved my head and cut off all the blonde. At first, I felt liberated and free, riding my bike home from the barber after yoga, sun on my face. Then, I kinda panicked like omg what have I done. I also decided I really don’t like my natural mousey hair…

View Post

Hi Mum, I just called to say thanks.

Today I rung mum at work and I think she must have been busy because she seemed a little surprised when I said ‘hi mum’. I told her I was calling to say thank you for having me and being so supportive. She didn’t have a lot of time to talk but I wanted to thank her for everything. To tell her I love calling her all the time when something exciting happens and I can’t tell anyone else or they just wouldn’t feel as excited as her. For all the times she stayed up late sewing ballet skirts to sell at the studio so she could afford our dance classes. For driving to all those dance competitions, skiing, skating, birthday parties, recitals, modelling, tae kwon do, and to all my friends houses for sleepovers. For showing me how to bake and encouraging me to make things in the kitchen, thank you. For embracing my weirdness and letting me wear what I want as a child no matter how bizarre the neighbours thought she was for doing to it. For putting us in summer reading club at the library. For all the work that went in to creating JEANS Publishing company and helping me write that book as a young teenager because I know it was shit ton of work and late nights (for her). For teaching me to work hard and not listen to anyone who says ‘you can’t do that’. Your strong attitude is with me everyday and I carry it close to my heart and I hear your voice in my head. For teaching me to be tough and know how to throw a damn good punch (whoops!) and studying Tae Kwon Do together. For getting me braces because you knew that my smile would bring joy to other people and I…

View Post

Blog Life: Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like It #12

Yesterday I updated the look of this ol’ bloggy and it’s really making me happy. Over the past 6 months I’ve been working lots (which is good but tiring), recovered from a major surgery, and was in a car accident. I don’t usually share much the blarghhhh days I but there’s been a few lately. It’s not ALLLL sunshine and rainbows, I am HUMAN!  I feel like post-election world has been really getting me down. Every single time you turn on the tv, internet, Facebook bad sh*t is happening. It’s sad and exhausting. ? Do you ever just feel like you need a f’n break?! AND THEN, on the opposite end of the spectrum you scroll FB/IG and it seems like people have these perfect lives. Last night I spoke on a panel about beauty & aging and something I mentioned is the ‘Facebook Self’ we all put out there. You know the one I mean! The curated version of beautiful photos, the clean house, smiling well-behaved children, the perfect meal etc. Well LIFE ISN’T ALWAYS LIKE THAT. It’s messy lol. I hardly ever share the house bc there’s always a clothes pile somewhere. Pile on the holidays and it’s all kinda overwhelming. This weekend I’m volunteering to serve lunch to 80-100 in need at a mission with some friends. I’ve been looking forward to it all week. Bringing joy to others, you can’t help but have some yourself. Sunday I’m part of a big ‘Boss Babes Brunch’ w/ some power ladies which will be fun and inspiring.  With my recent obsession for Amazon I got a huge ring light and photo setup for home so I will be playing with that too. This post is #12 in a series of blogposts I’ve written when I don’t really feel like blogging. I find blogging about it helps…

View Post

Sometimes You Just Need a Break

This weekend I’m taking a little drive to Cambridge to visit my parents for a few hours and I’m so stoked.  It’s hard to believe the summer is almost over! I love September, it feels like a little reset, opportunity to move forward, ditch old habits, and set new goals. I talk to mum almost everyday but haven’t seen her since before my birthday in May. She spends most of the summer on her boat and I’m at the cottage most weekends. It’s also been ages since I’ve seen Dad! Neither of my parents have seen me since my BR surgery in June, so I’m quite keen to visit. I’ve arranged a car that can fit both parents and their partners so I can take the whole gang out for brekky! It’s not THAT far away but since I don’t own a car it’s a bit of a hassle to get there and back, especially for a short visit. I’ve booked a carshare for Saturday morning and it’s pretty affordable & managed in an app. I’m totally guilty of being ‘busy‘ all the time and the rest of the time I feel like I’m tired. Sometimes I just need to sit on the couch and do nothing or tweet alongside something like The Bachelor to give my brain a break. On that note, I’m making more time to exercise, I’m looking to try just about ANY workout class that gets me off the couch right now. Since my surgery I feel A LOT better in workout clothes, I was REALLY self conscious before. Was gifted a 30 day membership to justtryit.ca so my plan is to try 10 classes at 10 gyms. I’ve gone to a few more aerial yoga and reformer pilates classes since my class last week. My two week pass is up on Tuesday. I really like…

View Post

Blog Life: Sometimes I don’t feel like it. #11

I know today is Bell Let’s Talk day and I’m not sure how to talk about the depression and anxiety that I face or if I even want to. Being on the Internet in itself gives me anxiety. Some days I just don’t feel like it at all, written about it a few times.  Sometimes I want to hide and pretend I don’t even have a blog. (Or Twitter, tumblr, Facebook, Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, Selfish, Rdio, Google+, Vine, or phone.) I like keeping to myself on on those days, not sharing stories.  Being alone. My dad battled depression growing up and it was really hard for our family. He moved back to New Zealand to be with his family when my parents split up and it was tough for us. It sill is sometimes. * Thanks Andrew Mitchell for drawing this photo of me. I love it.   I want you to know that I too have days when I’m down and I’ve been through some very dark times and almost not made it through. It’s not always sunny where I am but I do try to bring my own sunshine to the internet each and every single time I make an appearance. My blog is a place you can count on to have bright colours and a fun photo. It’s helpful for me to look back and remember the good times too. This is a place to make you feel happy when a cloud tries to rain on your parade. I’ve worked through a bunch of sad days wondering what to do with my life and I made it through. Don’t ever give up. I wanted to quit blogging a few times over the last 10 years and I am damn well glad I didn’t. I want you to know, I am actually happy most of the time and I…

View Post

Tech | We’re All Just Trying to Figure It Out

This might be one of my fav photos I’ve ever taken. I love it. Snapped with iPhone on a whim while leaving my sisters place. It brings back memories, nostalgia, I’m not even certain what exactly, just old times. Found the quote below over the weekend and it resonated with me. I’ve been reading here and there about impostor syndrome, the inability to unable to internalize accomplishments. When you feel like someone is going ‘figure you out’, realize you don’t know what you’re doing, see right through your whole charade. ‘Impostor Syndrome is the domain of the high achiever. Those who set the bar low are rarely it’s victim’ (Forbes). — CASIE STEWART November 24, 2014 It’s ok to not know what you’re doing, We’re all trying to figure it out as we go. I used to get severe anxiety before going to events, being on stage, speaking. It’s not that people wouldn’t like me, it’s that they would, and sometimes I didn’t know exactly what I was doing but I was going on experience, and making it up as I go. Being in the world of social media before it was a business (or industry!) has taught me to realx and roll with it. Preparation, constant innovation, and trying new things has kept me ahead, made me a ‘pioneer’. (It always weirds me out when someone calls me that, the thought of ME being part of the start of something.) A photo posted by C A S I E S T E W A R T (@casiestewart) on Nov 11, 2014 at 3:17pm PST So I got to thinking about blogs and authenticity and why people even blog these days, and I thought about why they started. A blog, formerly WebLog was a place for non-tecnical users of the…

View Post

Blog life: Sometimes I don’t feel like it. #10

The last couple weeks have been very busy and it’s been a bit ghostly around here. In the last 4 weeks I returned from the trip a lifetime in Thailand, started a new job, and before I knew it the holidays were here. The number of blog posts this month has been significantly lower than normal. Every once in a while I publish a post with this same title, we’re up to 10 in 8 years so, as a daily blogger I think that’s not too bad. To be honest, having a blog is one of the best things in my life but it can be quite overwhelming at times. I’m planning a revamp for the new year so wait for it, it’s coming. I just needed a little break. I’m recharging my mental batteries and come January, I’ll be ready to rock. With love, CASIE Buy Soma without prescription Buy Strattera without prescription Buy Trazodone without prescription Buy Ventolin without prescription

View Post